Necropolis

I think Samus makes even more sense as a silent protagonist. She's like the man with no name from the dollars trilogy. Her canon does the talking for her.

I know this is a bit late, but I get panic attacks occasionally, or what I thought were panic attacks, maybe its something else, and I've been calling it something wrong. I start to get tunnel vision, andn everything sounds like its really far away, like my ear canal is a mile long, and I sort of faint

I forgot these blogs existed. I understand your frustration with the school system, and I share it. I try to think just in general terms what i've gained going to Swic. I think the biggest thing is that I've been introduced to a whole new network of people and made a lot of new friends, that have all been influential in my further development. In terms of classes? Ehhh? I've definitely had some interesting ones, but I'm not sure how much of it I couldn't have gleaned from a book, on my own. Looking at my college career like that makes it seem like sort of a waste of time. So I guess its been 50/50.
 
I feel similarly trapped as well, though my situation isn't as caustic as yours. Since I was a Junior in high school I've been shuffled around to live with different relatives because my dad's either been too poor to support both of us, or he's lived with a girlfriend I can't get along with. Once I lived with an Aunt and I went to visit relatives for a week. When I came back all of my stuff had been packed up, sent to said girlfriend's, and my dad got a text saying, "I'm sorry, I can't afford Aaron." Since then, I've had this existential fear that wherever I live next I'm gonna come home one day and find all my stuff boxed up, and I'll have to go somewhere else, if there is a somewhere else. I know this isn't likely, but every once in a while, I interpret, probably wrongly, some small comment or thing my current host says, and then I retreat to my room. I hate it. It all makes me feel like shit, like I'm not worth anything.
 
I'm getting my associates soon, and afterwords I'm done with swic. I'd really like to take a semester at least off from college, kind of as a test. I like to write, that's what I want to do for a living, be it comics, short stories, TV. I'm really interested in Serial fiction of all kinds. I want to see if, after taking away school as something that takes up my time, what I can accomplish. And if, by the end of whatever arbitrary date I set, I've done nothing? I'll do something safe. Clearly if that's the case, my drive is just shit, and I'll do something safe. In the mean time, my dad supports my taking a semester or 2 off, but that doesn't help me a whole lot, since I'm not living with him. I know for a fact no one around me would go in for it. I'm the first generation in my family to go to college, so everyone puts this big emphasis on it, of course, none of them have been to any kind of school in the last 3 decades, so they are somewhat lacking perspective.
 
I don't know. It just sucks. All of that isn't figuring into any of my personal faults, of which I have many, and I get into these pity parties where all I do is doubt my abilities, and my goals, and all this time I've wasted, and I don't do anything, I just languish in a miasma of my own creation. puppy.
 
Anyways, I just wanted to tell you I understand a simulacrum of what your going through, and I have similar problems sometimes maybe.