TrashLord

You examine your computer.
You've got a hunch that this is the source of your troubles.

You are so on your game today.
Nothing can stop you now.

It's time for you to get on with your life.
You have bigger fish to fry- er, bigger giants to slay.

Geronimo!

Now if you were a giant, where would you be?
It is your sworn duty as an Asgardian to slay all giants.
You feel a long search is coming.
A search that will take you on an arduous journey full of grit and exhaustion.
You know not when you will return or where it will take you, but you know that it will-
Well puppy you sideways, there's a giant across the street.

Your name is RICHARD P. JOHNSON.
You are just an average dude. Well, you're a bit tall but you've never been bullied for it. Your hobbies include CROSS COUNTRY RUNNING, and of course EXTREME PING PONG. You live with your mother but try to be out of the house. In fact, you were on your way to a friend's house for a nice relaxing game of BROADWAY PUPPY BALL.

However, you have the sinking suspicion that your day is about to go terribly wrong.

Your name is JOHN FLAX and you're probably gonna go to prison for this one.
What will you do now?

You examine your computer.
You've got a hunch that this is the source of your troubles.

You are so on your game today.
Nothing can stop you now.

It's time for you to get on with your life.
You have bigger fish to fry- er, bigger giants to slay.

Geronimo!

Now if you were a giant, where would you be?
It is your sworn duty as an Asgardian to slay all giants.
You feel a long search is coming.
A search that will take you on an arduous journey full of grit and exhaustion.
You know not when you will return or where it will take you, but you know that it will-
Well puppy you sideways, there's a giant across the street.

Your name is RICHARD P. JOHNSON.
You are just an average dude. Well, you're a bit tall but you've never been bullied for it. Your hobbies include CROSS COUNTRY RUNNING, and of course EXTREME PING PONG. You live with your mother but try to be out of the house. In fact, you were on your way to a friend's house for a nice relaxing game of BROADWAY PUPPY BALL.

However, you have the sinking suspicion that your day is about to go terribly wrong.

Your name is JOHN FLAX and you're probably gonna go to prison for this one.
What will you do now?

You let out a roar so mighty, Thor himself would be proud.

But that's not enough. You have to prove your might.
You must channel the thunder within you.
THUNDER POWER!!!!!

Close enough.

You are satisfied with your displays of Thor-ness.
But something's missing.
In order to become more like your man crush, you need to fight like your hunky god.
You're certain there's a hammer in your house somewhere... 
Where should you look for the hammer?