_17chan

[22:44:56] <%Fierce_Muffin> 10:44 RisingRooster: this is java right?
[22:44:56] <%Fierce_Muffin> 10:44 DrunkenHighFiveGuy: javascript
[22:44:57] <%Fierce_Muffin> 10:44 ASHLEYDGAMING: its javascript
[22:44:57] <%Fierce_Muffin> 10:44 RisingRooster: there's a difference?
[22:44:59] <%Fierce_Muffin> @Ganny
[22:45:17] <&Double45> wow don't trigger ganny like that
[22:45:21] <%Fierce_Muffin> Ahahaha
[22:45:25] <+Ganny> omg...
[22:45:35] <+Ganny> the difference between java and javascript is like the difference between a car and a carpet
[22:45:40] <&Double45> lol
[22:45:42] <%Fierce_Muffin> NICE
[22:45:46] <+Ganny> thx
[22:45:53] <%Fierce_Muffin> You should say that
[22:45:57] <%Fierce_Muffin> Right when you walk into Google
[22:45:58] <+Ganny> nahhh you do it
[22:45:59] <+Ganny> oh
[22:46:02] <+Ganny> lol
[22:46:03] <%Fierce_Muffin> In fact
[22:46:08] <%Fierce_Muffin> You should say it
[22:46:10] <%Fierce_Muffin> First thing
[22:46:12] <%Fierce_Muffin> To everyone
[22:46:17] <+Ganny> [opens double doors] THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JAVA AND JAVASCRIPT...
[22:46:18] <%Fierce_Muffin> You encounter on your first day
[22:46:26] * TheBigT2000 ([email protected]) has joined #zelda
[22:46:32] <TheBigT2000> Hi
[22:46:35] <%Fierce_Muffin> I don't know how Google works, but if it's like every big corporation
[22:46:40] <%Fierce_Muffin> The first person will be the doorman
[22:46:43] <%Fierce_Muffin> He won't get it
[22:46:46] <%Fierce_Muffin> Doesn't matter
[22:46:52] <%Fierce_Muffin> Second will be the front desk
[22:46:58] <%Fierce_Muffin> She'll kind of get it
[22:47:08] <%Fierce_Muffin> Because she knows the difference between a car and a carpet
[22:47:12] <%Fierce_Muffin> UNLIKE the doorman...
[22:47:23] <%Fierce_Muffin> And then from there, most people will probably get it
[22:47:39] <%Fierce_Muffin> Someone please respond
[22:47:41] <%Fierce_Muffin> I didn't mean to
[22:48:12] <&Double45> hey BigT
[22:48:19] <%Fierce_Muffin> : ((((((((((
[22:48:43] <&Double45> what you say to the doorman is that it's as different as a door and a doorman
[22:48:49] <%Fierce_Muffin> NICE
[22:48:51] <+Ganny> haha
[22:48:54] <+Ganny> HE'LL GET THAT
[22:49:24] <%Fierce_Muffin> And you can tell the front desk it's as different as a secret and a secretary
[22:49:47] <%Fierce_Muffin> Please respond please
[22:50:04] <+Ganny> hey bigt
[22:50:09] <%Fierce_Muffin> : ((((((((((
[22:50:56] <TheBigT2000> Hey Ganny
 
 
Bonus:
 
[22:51:25] <TheBigT2000> The college my girlfriend is going to is called Usao XD
[22:51:40] <+Ganny> nice, I'll pay her a visit
[22:51:59] <TheBigT2000> What?

Was playing a game while this conversation happened and then I came back to it in the wee hours of the morning and couldn't stop laughing. Poor Tappy.
 
[02:36:37] * morton ([email protected]) has joined #zelda
[02:36:49] <morton> HI ALL
[02:38:22] <~Tappy> hi
[02:39:53] <morton> what makes a price of a game like a baseball card i know rareity but all i read i t is what ebay has it priced for ok so where does e bay get its infromation from
[02:43:49] <~Tappy> people choose the price
[02:44:16] <~Tappy> ebay lets people put something up for sale
[02:44:34] <~Tappy> the seller can choose to set the price to whatever they want
[02:44:39] <~Tappy> or auction it off
[02:44:45] <morton> peopel make the prices up
[02:45:10] <~Tappy> I wouldn't say  make it up
[02:45:13] <morton> oh i got the old gold zelda games like everones els and i can  say it 10,000 dollars
[02:45:28] <~Tappy> they set it to whatever they think is reasonable
[02:45:47] <~Tappy> some older games go for a lot because they are hard to get
[02:46:12] <~Tappy> though I think you could get any zelda game for less that $500
[02:46:23] <~Tappy> but I don't really know, as I don't look
[02:46:53] <morton> people make the prices or does an orgniination make the prices like a baseball card guide
[02:47:07] <~Tappy> they set the price to whatever they want
[02:47:23] <~Tappy> the seller may choose to go off what other people are selling it for
[02:47:36] <~Tappy> to try and stay competitive
[02:48:33] <morton> where is there not like a guide like base ball cards
[02:48:42] <morton> why is there
[02:48:50] <~Tappy> dunno
[02:49:25] <morton> just becuase it a rare game and a person says it is this it is this price basically
[02:49:57] <~Tappy> but if you look around you can probably find the same thing for less
[02:52:04] <~Tappy> people should have the choice to sell their game for however much they want
[02:52:44] <morton> that just sounds weird to me it like saying here a beat up doge from 1975 saying it is worth 100,000
[02:52:55] <morton> thank you for the help
[02:53:03] <~Tappy> that doesn't mean it's worth 100,000 though
[02:53:13] <~Tappy> it just means they are selling it for that much
[02:54:11] <~Tappy> if people don't think something someone is selling for $10,000 is worth that much
[02:54:14] <~Tappy> no one will buy it
[02:54:37] <~Tappy> which leaves the seller with, either leaving it that way or lowering the price to a point that is lucrative for someone to buy it
[02:55:14] <morton> rite i was using it for example even thought it my not be worth that  it like a person can just say this is the price of somthing and thats that
[02:55:51] <morton> thank you tappy
[02:55:57] <~Tappy> in the end it usually comes down to supply and demand
[02:56:01] <~Tappy> no problem
[02:57:35] <morton> i had q about one game though i was reading about even though it was not an offical game by nintendo why would it be hard to  make because of nintendo guide lines like this game for example i will give you the paragraph
[02:59:05] <morton> i dont know how a  gam about god is so hard to get approved and i know it is not offical game by them
[02:59:13] <morton> The biblical video game producer Wisdom Tree, got around Nintendo’s strict licensing system and released a laughably bad clone of Wolfenstein 3D. This plug-thru cartridge that required another game to be attached in order to run removed every reference of violence and Nazis, replacing them with hungry animals requiring your ammunition of ‘sleep’-inducing snac
[02:59:39] <morton>  what does nintendo have agenst bible game
[03:01:30] <~Tappy> well
[03:01:45] <~Tappy> nintendo tries to be family friendly as much as possible
[03:02:16] <~Tappy> so they restricted the use of religious, sex, drugs and other potential subjects that could offend anyone.
[03:02:51] <~Tappy> not everyone chooses to believe in god
[03:03:27] <~Tappy> so nintendo doesn't want to seem like what they are offering favors one religion over another
[03:03:34] <~Tappy> which could damage their image
[03:03:52] <~Tappy> I think they've gotten better than in the past
[03:04:17] <~Tappy> but they still do censor western games vs ones released in japan
[03:05:05] <morton> noahs  ark  vs  Wolfenstein  look at  it had nazi and that affended the jews like in  
[03:05:17] <Guest00000> but weren't you killing nazis...
[03:06:06] <morton>  but you were killing nazi soilders rite
[03:07:05] <Guest00000> I just said that...
[03:07:21] <~Tappy> The SNES version of Wolfenstein 3D was also modified to remove swastikas and stuff
[03:07:55] <~Tappy> I've never played a wolfenstein game
[03:07:58] <~Tappy> so maybe I'm wrong
[03:08:05] <~Tappy> but I don't think it was like
[03:08:10] <~Tappy> kill the jews type of game
[03:09:32] <morton> what would you call the solders in the game then
[03:10:30] <~Tappy> they might resemble nazis
[03:10:40] <~Tappy> it does not mean the game is completely based of historical events
[03:10:48] <~Tappy> take dino d-day
[03:10:52] <~Tappy> there are nazis in it
[03:10:57] <~Tappy> but there are dinosaurs
[03:11:09] <~Tappy> the dinosaurs are fighting the nazis
[03:11:40] <morton> lol
[03:12:36] <~Tappy> "Despite the game's historical setting and the presence of Hitler as an episode boss, the game bears no resemblance to any actual Nazi plans or structures."
[03:13:43] <morton> oh ok
[03:14:00] <morton> like doom or have you not played that
[03:14:03] <+Whorey> I know... i'm scared too.
[03:14:09] <~Tappy> I've played doom
[03:14:30] <morton> i guess that better to what im trying ti sat
[03:14:33] <morton> say
[03:14:51] <~Tappy> how so
[03:15:38] <morton> solders
[03:16:05] <morton> and some are monsters
[03:16:33] <~Tappy> and?
[03:31:50] <morton> http://www.doomworld.com/pageofdoom/badguys.html   tappy
[03:32:53] <morton> the solder mite had been consider nazis
[03:33:02] <morton> the first 2 pictures
[03:36:22] <morton> THANK YOU  AGAIN TAPPY HAVE A GOOD NITE
[03:36:42] <morton> opp i did not know caps was on tappy
[03:38:50] <~Tappy> no problem
[03:38:51] <~Tappy> good night
[03:42:55] <morton> all i was saying was the solder in the game and yes there are some monster i was just talking about the solders could repersent nazi
[03:43:48] * morton ([email protected]) Quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)

So _17chan / Sinkychan / ghostchan is a fan of this musician named Matthew Good, I guess he's big in Canada. Sinky has been bringing him up a lot lately due to a concert he bought tickets to, most of these quotes are after the concert had happened but the first one is before.
[17:38] <_17chan> so like
[17:38] <_17chan> matthew good is in 2 and a half hours
[17:38] <_17chan> and i'm like. super excited
[17:41] <_17chan>
[17:44] <_17chan> ok time for a long bus ride and some SMT IV
[17:44] <_17chan> back into that SHIT
[17:46] <&Double45> i hope you have a 
[17:46] <&Double45> good
[17:46] <&Double45> time
[17:47] <%Fierce_Muffin> A MATTHEW good time

[11:48] <&Double45> oh yeah
[11:48] <&Double45> how was the concert
[11:48] <&Double45> just good or matthew good
[11:48] <_17chan> it was matthew puppying unbelievable
[12:26] <_17chan> jesus puppying christ
[12:26] <_17chan> i'm freaking out right now
[12:26] <%Fierce_Muffin> Did Matthew Great come back to your house with you
[12:26] <%Fierce_Muffin> Did he make you Alex Fantastic*
[12:27] <%Fierce_Muffin> Did you ride some sk8boards with Matthew Amazing
[12:27] <%Fierce_Muffin> Alright, I'm good, proceed
*TL Note: Alex is Sinky's real name
[12:46] <_17chan> on the plus side
[12:47] <_17chan> my roommate just got me coffee + a big bottle of water
[12:47] <_17chan> so i'm pretty happy
[12:47] <%Fierce_Muffin> A BIG bottle of water
[12:47] <_17chan> yeah
[12:47] <_17chan> doggie
[12:47] <%Fierce_Muffin> A Matthew Superior bottle of water
[12:47] * _17chan waits for muff
[18:05] <_17chan> omg
[18:05] <_17chan> losing my puppying shit
[18:05] <_17chan> i just ordered skylanders for 20$ and it literally TODAY went down to 9$
[18:06] <&Double45> wow
[18:06] <%Fierce_Muffin> Rough
[18:06] <&Double45> thats not matthew good
[18:06] <%Fierce_Muffin> lol
[18:06] <_17chan> double, try to refrain from beating a dead horse
[18:07] <%Fierce_Muffin> The horse isn't dead though
[18:07] <%Fierce_Muffin> It's doing just Matthew Fine
[18:07] <&Double45> lol
[18:07] <_17chan> oh ok
[18:07] <_17chan> enjoy that
[18:08] <%Fierce_Muffin> I'm dying to my own joke right now, so yeah
[18:08] <&Double45> i literally laughed out loud
[18:08] <_17chan> i'm glad
[18:09] <%Fierce_Muffin> It's not like we're making fun of Matthew Good, Sinky... jeeeeeeeee
[18:09] <%Fierce_Muffin> z
[18:09] <&Double45> ayy berserk is out
[18:09] <&Double45> took them 3 days
[18:09] <&Double45> thats about right
[18:09] <%Fierce_Muffin> How dare them...
[18:09] <&Double45> hey
[18:09] <&Double45> i said it usually takes them 2-3..
[18:09] <%Fierce_Muffin> How
[18:09] <%Fierce_Muffin> DARE
[18:09] <%Fierce_Muffin> Them
[18:10] <&Double45> they did matthew well with the timing
[18:10] <%Fierce_Muffin> I was thinking of using that for the horse one
[18:11] <_17chan> ok
[18:11] <&Double45> whats wrong sinky
[18:11] <&Double45> sounds like your day was less than matthew perfect
[20:22] <@Nabe> I mean, I am Matthew Okay with that
[20:23] <_ghostchan> ok
[20:23] <_ghostchan> i can't believe this is actually a thing nw
[20:23] <_ghostchan> now*
[20:23] <_ghostchan> it's not even funny
[20:24] <&Double45> you just don't understand matthew great comedy
[20:24] <@Nabe> ^
[20:24] <%Fierce_Muffin> ahaha
[20:24] * _ghostchan ([email protected]) Quit (Quit: Leaving)
 
 

[03:36] <_mobilechan> so
[03:36] <_mobilechan> i got knocked out...
[03:37] <+Cello> uh
[03:38] <&Double45> wow
[03:38] <&Double45> like punched?
[03:38] <+Cello> did you try to skateboard with the ghost costume on
[03:38] <&Double45> or did you get roofied and someone messed with your skateboard while you were out
[03:39] <_mobilechan> no
[03:40] <_mobilechan> Jay's gf tackled me inn's drunken fit to be funny
[03:40] <&Double45> wow
[03:40] <_mobilechan> i busted my ribs on the side of the bed
[03:40] <&Double45> wow..
[03:40] <+Cello> uh
[03:40] <&Double45> i had ribs for dinner

imagine the second picture with the outfit of the first picture ohooooo
totally late for the party, but

1st = halloween costume (sheet ghost yay)
2nd = messing with gear (black and white thanks to meagan.)

imagine the second picture with the outfit of the first picture ohooooo
totally late for the party, but

1st = halloween costume (sheet ghost yay)
2nd = messing with gear (black and white thanks to meagan.)

[22:03:56] <Kibblo> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnS-05XoXs4
[22:04:06] <Kibblo> this is my themesong
[22:04:35] <+Cello> you don't even smoke weed
[22:04:53] <+Cello> somebody once sold you oregano as weed and you smoked it and pretended you got so high
[22:05:11] <Kibblo> first off
[22:05:15] <Kibblo> can you prove that
[22:05:18] <Kibblo> 2nd
[22:05:24] <Kibblo> what the flying puppy is oregano
[22:05:40] <_17chan> lmao
[22:05:44] <+Cello> hahaha
[22:06:12] <Kibblo> Oregano sounds like a disease
[22:08:34] <_17chan> wait
[22:08:36] <_17chan> is this serious

Both are pics I can relate to

So first pic was being a cute minion at work for Halloween 
second pic more accurately sums up my life

ONCE AGAIN ABANDONING MY OWN THREAD IN FEAR OF SPOILERS BBL

hey all. i know i've done a topic about songs i've written before, but this one is mainly to let you all know that i am finally in the studio working on recording my first ever EP! <3 so i'm dropping the link here, but i will keep up to date with how the process is going and when it's done i'll gladly share a sneak-peek at the album here!

have a listen, and tell all your friends!

https://thievesmtl.bandcamp.com/

also, i have a proper facebook now. like!! http://facebook.com/thievesmusic

hey all. i know i've done a topic about songs i've written before, but this one is mainly to let you all know that i am finally in the studio working on recording my first ever EP! <3 so i'm dropping the link here, but i will keep up to date with how the process is going and when it's done i'll gladly share a sneak-peek at the album here!

have a listen, and tell all your friends!

https://thievesmtl.bandcamp.com/

also, i have a proper facebook now. like!! http://facebook.com/thievesmusic

This isn't my type of music, but it's some really good stuff, especially in terms of lyrics. I can't listen too much because of like, the genre of music, but you've clearly got talent. Keep doing good things, _17chan

hey all. i know i've done a topic about songs i've written before, but this one is mainly to let you all know that i am finally in the studio working on recording my first ever EP! <3 so i'm dropping the link here, but i will keep up to date with how the process is going and when it's done i'll gladly share a sneak-peek at the album here!

have a listen, and tell all your friends!

https://thievesmtl.bandcamp.com/

also, i have a proper facebook now. like!! http://facebook.com/thievesmusic

hey all. i know i've done a topic about songs i've written before, but this one is mainly to let you all know that i am finally in the studio working on recording my first ever EP! <3 so i'm dropping the link here, but i will keep up to date with how the process is going and when it's done i'll gladly share a sneak-peek at the album here!

have a listen, and tell all your friends!

https://thievesmtl.bandcamp.com/

also, i have a proper facebook now. like!! http://facebook.com/thievesmusic

Spooky, this is like exactly me. I've gotten a promotion at work which is nice but ultimately lead to me interacting a lot less, practically none, with the teachers and students of this district which I enjoyed a lot. Always gave me something to look forward to and tried my best to make their (anyone's) day.
I'm a pretty shy person IRL which has led to me not having been in a relationship with anyone. Now my friends from high school and earlier are off getting married, with some having kids. Kind of makes you think what you're going to do with your life.
But alas, a good friend of mine always says "Make it a great day," which I really particularly like simply because in the end we are alive in such a world that right now to our knowledge is completely unique. Our lives can be miserable, but this is just part of life and something everyone experiences, and can be changed by putting your mind to something and just DOING IT.
"JUST DO IT" - Shia LaBeouf
If anyone would like my cell # to text me feel free to PM me.

thanks, man.  i remember you 'cause of the "time paradog" and that always stuck in my head haha! but yeah, i hesitated posting about this because i was afraid it would make me look like i was grabbing for attention. but, to be honest, i said it because i want everyone to know that even at THIS low point, there's a way to turn it all around and make the right choice. if anyone here ever feels remotely close to what i felt, or the same, OR worse, don't be afraid to talk about it.

you can have a lavish exciting wealthy life and still feel like there's nothing for you. it doesn't matter the life you live, it's how you feel. but no matter what life you live, you're important and there are people out there who care for you. 

hi all.
i'm well aware that a lot of you probably have no idea who i am or have not spoken with me much. that's ok. my name is alex jamieson. i live in montreal, quebec. i'm 24 years old. i went to school for computer support & repair, and i loved it. i'm a musician on the side. i play guitar, bass, drums, i sing, and i'm a lyricist. i'm known to some people as 'sink', 'sinky', 'chan' and i've seen someone call me 'silky' before, but that may of been a typo. i'm writing this because it has a lot to do with what is going on in my life and what i feel, and it's very important that i'm blunt and open about it because being quiet about it has not helped at all, and i consider this to be my safe place / some of you to actually be good friends of mine regardless of how long i've been a member.

i spent the past year living in an apartment with my best friend 'meagan'. i was running my own business in IT (started september 2014) and i enjoyed it severely. i made good money, and i was my own boss, made my own hours, and had my own responsibilities. it felt amazing. to make a long story short, business thinned out by april and that's when i also found out i was being chased by debt collectors for my credit card (which i just forgot about, to be honest. my fault. i know.) so, i decided to keep pushing and just make sure i paid my rent on time. i had some problems with money, and a lot of them were just due to the fact that i'm bad with money. i ended up saving my ass last minute a lot, though, which was kind of good. anyway. during this entire period (in fact, since july 2014), i was dating a girl named jordi. she was the apple of my eye and the love of my life. she bugged the hell out of me sometimes, but she was still perfect in every way possible. she helped me believe in myself in terms of my business and getting ahead in the world. she made me feel like i could do anything.
i couldn't.

as things got worse and worse and business got worse and worse, i just gained weight. i did manage to quit smoking cigarettes in july 2015, which was nice. but it didn't help, that's for sure. by the time august stretched around, i had to let go of my love. i was on the verge of dragging her down into my deep and dark world of debt and dismay, and i couldn't imagine doing that to who i knew in my heart was the brightest young english teacher that would enrich the lives of hundreds and hundreds of high school students, and also to who i thought of as the best author and story writer known to mankind as a whole. i told her it was over. she cried. so did i. we both knew it had to happen, and we went our separate ways. after that, things just fell apart faster and faster. rent couldn't be paid on time, roommate was leaving to go home, the apartment had issues from day one that were never repaired, it was all just one bleak mess. my roommate and i just left the place. i couldn't bring everything down myself, so i had to leave things behind. rent has not been paid. a court date has been scheduled. i'm due to owe the rent + an 80$ charge + they're charging me for not taking everything out of the apartment.

i'm currently living on my friends couch with all of my stuff in boxes. i've tried looking for a normal job but to no avail. in fact, i even ended up getting one but it doesn't start until the 14th and, although this is picky, it's overnight. i'm a day person, but in this situation i can't be picky. no matter how much it upsets me. 

this is where it gets really scary. i woke up this morning, and i rolled out of bed (or should i say 'couch') and found myself unable to do anything. i barely made it to the shower without collapsing. i forced myself through it, and then i started to get dressed and march out the door. i had a few appointments and important things to take care of and then i just decided to drop it all. i found a patch of grass outside and i started to think about how amazing it would feel to just lay there and sleep and never wake up and just never have to do anything again. i started thinking about how i wouldn't care if someone found me and took all of my stuff. i started to wonder if i would care if anyone came up to me and hurt me. that was when i realized that i wasn't feeling well and that i needed help. i started to think about all of the times someone told me to give up on what i was doing, and i figured maybe it was time to give up on life.
 
i took my phone out and i dialed a number. i had nobody to speak to so i just looked online so i could just talk to anyone. i found the suicide action montreal hotline. i called them and spoke to them. she listened to me for over 30 minutes just going on and on about everything and how i was hurt and sad and depressed and just wanted it to be over. she reassured me that it's not the answer. that there's so much to live for even when things are at their absolute worst. i don't have to hurt forever and it started with me taking a step forward and talking to someone about it. i'm still sad. i still feel hopeless and lost. but i know that i'm not alone and that's all i wanted to know right now. i feel like i can still do anything i want to. before i called her, i felt like nobody cared and i just wanted to end everything. now i feel like this is the REAL beginning of my life and i decide what happens. i control my own destiny and that makes me so happy to know that it's still an option.


i don't expect multiple replies. i don't expect 'likes' or whatever they are on here. i just expect you to read this and hear my story and remember the next time YOU feel lost and alone and sad and you feel like life isn't worth living; it is. and if ANY ONE OF YOU EVER want to talk to ANYONE because you feel like suicide is the only option, or drugs, or alcohol, or WHATEVER it may be.. i'm here for you, and i will drop everything i'm doing to talk to you because i know what it's like to feel alone; it's the worst. but you don't have to feel that way. none of you do. and i'm here for that.


thank you.

hi all.
i'm well aware that a lot of you probably have no idea who i am or have not spoken with me much. that's ok. my name is alex jamieson. i live in montreal, quebec. i'm 24 years old. i went to school for computer support & repair, and i loved it. i'm a musician on the side. i play guitar, bass, drums, i sing, and i'm a lyricist. i'm known to some people as 'sink', 'sinky', 'chan' and i've seen someone call me 'silky' before, but that may of been a typo. i'm writing this because it has a lot to do with what is going on in my life and what i feel, and it's very important that i'm blunt and open about it because being quiet about it has not helped at all, and i consider this to be my safe place / some of you to actually be good friends of mine regardless of how long i've been a member.

i spent the past year living in an apartment with my best friend 'meagan'. i was running my own business in IT (started september 2014) and i enjoyed it severely. i made good money, and i was my own boss, made my own hours, and had my own responsibilities. it felt amazing. to make a long story short, business thinned out by april and that's when i also found out i was being chased by debt collectors for my credit card (which i just forgot about, to be honest. my fault. i know.) so, i decided to keep pushing and just make sure i paid my rent on time. i had some problems with money, and a lot of them were just due to the fact that i'm bad with money. i ended up saving my ass last minute a lot, though, which was kind of good. anyway. during this entire period (in fact, since july 2014), i was dating a girl named jordi. she was the apple of my eye and the love of my life. she bugged the hell out of me sometimes, but she was still perfect in every way possible. she helped me believe in myself in terms of my business and getting ahead in the world. she made me feel like i could do anything.
i couldn't.

as things got worse and worse and business got worse and worse, i just gained weight. i did manage to quit smoking cigarettes in july 2015, which was nice. but it didn't help, that's for sure. by the time august stretched around, i had to let go of my love. i was on the verge of dragging her down into my deep and dark world of debt and dismay, and i couldn't imagine doing that to who i knew in my heart was the brightest young english teacher that would enrich the lives of hundreds and hundreds of high school students, and also to who i thought of as the best author and story writer known to mankind as a whole. i told her it was over. she cried. so did i. we both knew it had to happen, and we went our separate ways. after that, things just fell apart faster and faster. rent couldn't be paid on time, roommate was leaving to go home, the apartment had issues from day one that were never repaired, it was all just one bleak mess. my roommate and i just left the place. i couldn't bring everything down myself, so i had to leave things behind. rent has not been paid. a court date has been scheduled. i'm due to owe the rent + an 80$ charge + they're charging me for not taking everything out of the apartment.

i'm currently living on my friends couch with all of my stuff in boxes. i've tried looking for a normal job but to no avail. in fact, i even ended up getting one but it doesn't start until the 14th and, although this is picky, it's overnight. i'm a day person, but in this situation i can't be picky. no matter how much it upsets me. 

this is where it gets really scary. i woke up this morning, and i rolled out of bed (or should i say 'couch') and found myself unable to do anything. i barely made it to the shower without collapsing. i forced myself through it, and then i started to get dressed and march out the door. i had a few appointments and important things to take care of and then i just decided to drop it all. i found a patch of grass outside and i started to think about how amazing it would feel to just lay there and sleep and never wake up and just never have to do anything again. i started thinking about how i wouldn't care if someone found me and took all of my stuff. i started to wonder if i would care if anyone came up to me and hurt me. that was when i realized that i wasn't feeling well and that i needed help. i started to think about all of the times someone told me to give up on what i was doing, and i figured maybe it was time to give up on life.
 
i took my phone out and i dialed a number. i had nobody to speak to so i just looked online so i could just talk to anyone. i found the suicide action montreal hotline. i called them and spoke to them. she listened to me for over 30 minutes just going on and on about everything and how i was hurt and sad and depressed and just wanted it to be over. she reassured me that it's not the answer. that there's so much to live for even when things are at their absolute worst. i don't have to hurt forever and it started with me taking a step forward and talking to someone about it. i'm still sad. i still feel hopeless and lost. but i know that i'm not alone and that's all i wanted to know right now. i feel like i can still do anything i want to. before i called her, i felt like nobody cared and i just wanted to end everything. now i feel like this is the REAL beginning of my life and i decide what happens. i control my own destiny and that makes me so happy to know that it's still an option.


i don't expect multiple replies. i don't expect 'likes' or whatever they are on here. i just expect you to read this and hear my story and remember the next time YOU feel lost and alone and sad and you feel like life isn't worth living; it is. and if ANY ONE OF YOU EVER want to talk to ANYONE because you feel like suicide is the only option, or drugs, or alcohol, or WHATEVER it may be.. i'm here for you, and i will drop everything i'm doing to talk to you because i know what it's like to feel alone; it's the worst. but you don't have to feel that way. none of you do. and i'm here for that.


thank you.

nah, don't worry! i've done what you mentioned before, so you're not too far off! ;P
 

Ah, that's just me projecting too much again then lmao. Nooo problem.

hi all.
i'm well aware that a lot of you probably have no idea who i am or have not spoken with me much. that's ok. my name is alex jamieson. i live in montreal, quebec. i'm 24 years old. i went to school for computer support & repair, and i loved it. i'm a musician on the side. i play guitar, bass, drums, i sing, and i'm a lyricist. i'm known to some people as 'sink', 'sinky', 'chan' and i've seen someone call me 'silky' before, but that may of been a typo. i'm writing this because it has a lot to do with what is going on in my life and what i feel, and it's very important that i'm blunt and open about it because being quiet about it has not helped at all, and i consider this to be my safe place / some of you to actually be good friends of mine regardless of how long i've been a member.

i spent the past year living in an apartment with my best friend 'meagan'. i was running my own business in IT (started september 2014) and i enjoyed it severely. i made good money, and i was my own boss, made my own hours, and had my own responsibilities. it felt amazing. to make a long story short, business thinned out by april and that's when i also found out i was being chased by debt collectors for my credit card (which i just forgot about, to be honest. my fault. i know.) so, i decided to keep pushing and just make sure i paid my rent on time. i had some problems with money, and a lot of them were just due to the fact that i'm bad with money. i ended up saving my ass last minute a lot, though, which was kind of good. anyway. during this entire period (in fact, since july 2014), i was dating a girl named jordi. she was the apple of my eye and the love of my life. she bugged the hell out of me sometimes, but she was still perfect in every way possible. she helped me believe in myself in terms of my business and getting ahead in the world. she made me feel like i could do anything.
i couldn't.

as things got worse and worse and business got worse and worse, i just gained weight. i did manage to quit smoking cigarettes in july 2015, which was nice. but it didn't help, that's for sure. by the time august stretched around, i had to let go of my love. i was on the verge of dragging her down into my deep and dark world of debt and dismay, and i couldn't imagine doing that to who i knew in my heart was the brightest young english teacher that would enrich the lives of hundreds and hundreds of high school students, and also to who i thought of as the best author and story writer known to mankind as a whole. i told her it was over. she cried. so did i. we both knew it had to happen, and we went our separate ways. after that, things just fell apart faster and faster. rent couldn't be paid on time, roommate was leaving to go home, the apartment had issues from day one that were never repaired, it was all just one bleak mess. my roommate and i just left the place. i couldn't bring everything down myself, so i had to leave things behind. rent has not been paid. a court date has been scheduled. i'm due to owe the rent + an 80$ charge + they're charging me for not taking everything out of the apartment.

i'm currently living on my friends couch with all of my stuff in boxes. i've tried looking for a normal job but to no avail. in fact, i even ended up getting one but it doesn't start until the 14th and, although this is picky, it's overnight. i'm a day person, but in this situation i can't be picky. no matter how much it upsets me. 

this is where it gets really scary. i woke up this morning, and i rolled out of bed (or should i say 'couch') and found myself unable to do anything. i barely made it to the shower without collapsing. i forced myself through it, and then i started to get dressed and march out the door. i had a few appointments and important things to take care of and then i just decided to drop it all. i found a patch of grass outside and i started to think about how amazing it would feel to just lay there and sleep and never wake up and just never have to do anything again. i started thinking about how i wouldn't care if someone found me and took all of my stuff. i started to wonder if i would care if anyone came up to me and hurt me. that was when i realized that i wasn't feeling well and that i needed help. i started to think about all of the times someone told me to give up on what i was doing, and i figured maybe it was time to give up on life.
 
i took my phone out and i dialed a number. i had nobody to speak to so i just looked online so i could just talk to anyone. i found the suicide action montreal hotline. i called them and spoke to them. she listened to me for over 30 minutes just going on and on about everything and how i was hurt and sad and depressed and just wanted it to be over. she reassured me that it's not the answer. that there's so much to live for even when things are at their absolute worst. i don't have to hurt forever and it started with me taking a step forward and talking to someone about it. i'm still sad. i still feel hopeless and lost. but i know that i'm not alone and that's all i wanted to know right now. i feel like i can still do anything i want to. before i called her, i felt like nobody cared and i just wanted to end everything. now i feel like this is the REAL beginning of my life and i decide what happens. i control my own destiny and that makes me so happy to know that it's still an option.


i don't expect multiple replies. i don't expect 'likes' or whatever they are on here. i just expect you to read this and hear my story and remember the next time YOU feel lost and alone and sad and you feel like life isn't worth living; it is. and if ANY ONE OF YOU EVER want to talk to ANYONE because you feel like suicide is the only option, or drugs, or alcohol, or WHATEVER it may be.. i'm here for you, and i will drop everything i'm doing to talk to you because i know what it's like to feel alone; it's the worst. but you don't have to feel that way. none of you do. and i'm here for that.


thank you.

Naw dude, I remember you. You made good music. Surprising and sad to hear you're going through such heavy shit. Honestly I didn't have much of an image of who you were before; I thought of you as just some late-teens/early-twenties dude who liked playing guitar. It's good to have you building on the impression. Your reality is more interesting than who I thought you were.
I've never really been at that kind of low point. I've still got it cushy, and if I feel overwhelmingly desperate it's never long enough to completely knock me out of action, though I do go through periods of withdrawal from my responsibilities. I can get lost and self-destructive, but I keep on a vague path through life, aiming for what I think is my good end. Everybody has a lot of shit to figure out. Mostly people here don't begin to talk about their problems until they become a very real problem to them, which I can respect, but I still wonder how much everybody's going through.

hi all.
i'm well aware that a lot of you probably have no idea who i am or have not spoken with me much. that's ok. my name is alex jamieson. i live in montreal, quebec. i'm 24 years old. i went to school for computer support & repair, and i loved it. i'm a musician on the side. i play guitar, bass, drums, i sing, and i'm a lyricist. i'm known to some people as 'sink', 'sinky', 'chan' and i've seen someone call me 'silky' before, but that may of been a typo. i'm writing this because it has a lot to do with what is going on in my life and what i feel, and it's very important that i'm blunt and open about it because being quiet about it has not helped at all, and i consider this to be my safe place / some of you to actually be good friends of mine regardless of how long i've been a member.

i spent the past year living in an apartment with my best friend 'meagan'. i was running my own business in IT (started september 2014) and i enjoyed it severely. i made good money, and i was my own boss, made my own hours, and had my own responsibilities. it felt amazing. to make a long story short, business thinned out by april and that's when i also found out i was being chased by debt collectors for my credit card (which i just forgot about, to be honest. my fault. i know.) so, i decided to keep pushing and just make sure i paid my rent on time. i had some problems with money, and a lot of them were just due to the fact that i'm bad with money. i ended up saving my ass last minute a lot, though, which was kind of good. anyway. during this entire period (in fact, since july 2014), i was dating a girl named jordi. she was the apple of my eye and the love of my life. she bugged the hell out of me sometimes, but she was still perfect in every way possible. she helped me believe in myself in terms of my business and getting ahead in the world. she made me feel like i could do anything.
i couldn't.

as things got worse and worse and business got worse and worse, i just gained weight. i did manage to quit smoking cigarettes in july 2015, which was nice. but it didn't help, that's for sure. by the time august stretched around, i had to let go of my love. i was on the verge of dragging her down into my deep and dark world of debt and dismay, and i couldn't imagine doing that to who i knew in my heart was the brightest young english teacher that would enrich the lives of hundreds and hundreds of high school students, and also to who i thought of as the best author and story writer known to mankind as a whole. i told her it was over. she cried. so did i. we both knew it had to happen, and we went our separate ways. after that, things just fell apart faster and faster. rent couldn't be paid on time, roommate was leaving to go home, the apartment had issues from day one that were never repaired, it was all just one bleak mess. my roommate and i just left the place. i couldn't bring everything down myself, so i had to leave things behind. rent has not been paid. a court date has been scheduled. i'm due to owe the rent + an 80$ charge + they're charging me for not taking everything out of the apartment.

i'm currently living on my friends couch with all of my stuff in boxes. i've tried looking for a normal job but to no avail. in fact, i even ended up getting one but it doesn't start until the 14th and, although this is picky, it's overnight. i'm a day person, but in this situation i can't be picky. no matter how much it upsets me. 

this is where it gets really scary. i woke up this morning, and i rolled out of bed (or should i say 'couch') and found myself unable to do anything. i barely made it to the shower without collapsing. i forced myself through it, and then i started to get dressed and march out the door. i had a few appointments and important things to take care of and then i just decided to drop it all. i found a patch of grass outside and i started to think about how amazing it would feel to just lay there and sleep and never wake up and just never have to do anything again. i started thinking about how i wouldn't care if someone found me and took all of my stuff. i started to wonder if i would care if anyone came up to me and hurt me. that was when i realized that i wasn't feeling well and that i needed help. i started to think about all of the times someone told me to give up on what i was doing, and i figured maybe it was time to give up on life.
 
i took my phone out and i dialed a number. i had nobody to speak to so i just looked online so i could just talk to anyone. i found the suicide action montreal hotline. i called them and spoke to them. she listened to me for over 30 minutes just going on and on about everything and how i was hurt and sad and depressed and just wanted it to be over. she reassured me that it's not the answer. that there's so much to live for even when things are at their absolute worst. i don't have to hurt forever and it started with me taking a step forward and talking to someone about it. i'm still sad. i still feel hopeless and lost. but i know that i'm not alone and that's all i wanted to know right now. i feel like i can still do anything i want to. before i called her, i felt like nobody cared and i just wanted to end everything. now i feel like this is the REAL beginning of my life and i decide what happens. i control my own destiny and that makes me so happy to know that it's still an option.


i don't expect multiple replies. i don't expect 'likes' or whatever they are on here. i just expect you to read this and hear my story and remember the next time YOU feel lost and alone and sad and you feel like life isn't worth living; it is. and if ANY ONE OF YOU EVER want to talk to ANYONE because you feel like suicide is the only option, or drugs, or alcohol, or WHATEVER it may be.. i'm here for you, and i will drop everything i'm doing to talk to you because i know what it's like to feel alone; it's the worst. but you don't have to feel that way. none of you do. and i'm here for that.


thank you.