Deku Raised by Goron (Fan-fic for Majora's Mask)

[Oliver 0]

That completely sucked balls. More like, page one. Too much dialouge. One chapter? That's a chapter? I do believe chapters are noted by significance rather than "Oh, I'm lazy so i'll make page one a whole chapter"

This book, I read. Had a PROLOUGE, of at least 30 pages.

My god, a wall of text defeated me. LEARN TO PARAGRAPH. LEARN TO DO DIALOUGE LIKE SO;

"Hello," said Queeny "How are you?"

"I am fine," Kingy said "Would you care for some tea?"

"I am delighted you'd ask such a thing."

Queeny raised her hand and clapped three times. Clap, clap, clap. Mr. Edmons, the Butler appeared.

"Yes, my dear lady?"

"I would like some tea. Oh, and a spot of crumpets with some jam on them. If you'd be so kind."

"Certainly, my lady. I will be back right away."

"Toodle-loo."

Edited 23 Feb 2009 by Captain Tarrius (see edit history)

[Deara 0]

Huh? I think her writing style is impressive.

[Vivica Todd 0]

JESUS.

This was YEARS ago; gimme some credit. I oughta delete this. :/

[Oliver 0]

No, her style isn't impressive.

It was two years and some months ago.

Oh, of course. How silly, I apologise.

[Padraig! 103]

"Hello," said Queeny "How are you?"

"I am fine," Kingy said "Would you care for some tea?"

"I am delighted you'd ask such a thing."

Queeny raised her hand and clapped three times. Clap, clap, clap. Mr. Edmons, the Butler appeared.

"Yes, my dear lady?"

"I would like some tea. Oh, and a spot of crumpets with some jam on them. If you'd be so kind."

"Certainly, my lady. I will be back right away."

"Toodle-loo."

Minutes later, Mr. Edmond returned with crumpets and tea.

"Your tea, Ma'am." He said, while placing the ivory and wood tray down upon the grand, oak table.

"Queeny," The king started "would you like to go to the opera house, later?"

"Why yes," Queeny said "That would be lovely." She said with a smile.