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You Don't Know Lark

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Posted

This is my first Tumblr post- (read part 2 and future posts here- http://youdontknowlark.tumblr.com/ )

Edit- It's easier to read on my Tumblr because the copy pasting it here puppyed it up. The paragraphs are more orderly on the Tumblr.

December 7, 2010-

Centaurs Are Pricks

A few days ago, I was walking to my car after leaving a store. You know, minding my own business, humming a tune; the usual. I made it about half way across the parking lot when I heard a noise. I turned around to see what it was, but nothing was in sight, aside from, you know, parked cars and people. I continued on my way when suddenly a man popped out from behind a car. I could only see him from his shoulders up, but I assumed he was pretty short, or at least short compared to me. He had bronze skin. Not like a black dude, but more like a central European… or something. Anyways, he was pretty tan. He also sported a rust-red, limp mo-hawk and side burns. A pretty unique look, especially around here.

“Hey. YOU! Yea you!” He yelled, looking directly at me. I pointed to myself, as if asking are you talking to me? “I’m totally talking to you!” He replied. At this point, I was pretty sure that he wanted my attention. I walked towards him, but stopped cautiously about twelve feet away from him. He grinned, showing his teeth. They were nice teeth, a tad yellow, but pretty damn straight. “Kid, those are some nice goggles you’ve got there, kid.” I found it weird that he called me kid twice in one sentence, but I was happy to receive the compliment. I smiled and thanked him. “I bet they’d look ever better on me, kid!”

This is when I knew something was up. What a creepy thing to say. I bet he’s a creeper. I thought. “Um, yea, maybe..” I answered. There was a long pause. We stood there for what seemed like a minuet, but was actually probably just ten seconds or so.

“So yea… Gimme your goggles, kid!”

“No way!” I replied. I was starting to get a little pissed off at this point.

“Kid, don’t make me take them from you, kid” he said. “I’ll seriously puppy you up, kid.”

“Ha! You? You’re so tiny and I’m so… not tiny!” I chuckled. (Yes, I chuckle sometimes, you gotta problem with it?) “I mean, you can try, but… you know…”

“Hmmm, a mighty fine idea, kid!” He laughed.

Suddenly he started to grow. Not grow like shape shifting or whatever, that would be crazy. No, he seemed to be standing up. His head was originally about five feet off the ground, but by the time he was finally standing up, he had to be at least eight and a half feet tall. Turns out he was lying down behind the car. Kinda cheating, if you ask me.

Not only was he seriously tall, but he had an extra set of legs. He was a puppying centaur! Hooves and everything! (Who would’ve known? I mean, unless you read the title.) I was pretty scared, but I couldn’t help but noticed his well groomed tail. It was the same rust-red color as his head hair. It actually followed a mane from his back up to his neck. Nice and shiny. But I digress, he was scary; hella scary! He came out from behind the car. By which I mean, he knocked it across the parking lot.

Now, normally I would just give him the goggles and run for it because, well, I believe that I mentioned he was hella scary. However, these weren’t any ordinary goggles. No, I got these goggles from a magic gypsy. They allow the wearer to see things that cannot be seen. You know, like hidden treasures and trap-doors and junk. Ghosts too, but the treasure is cooler. So I decided to fight. Yes! I would open my messenger’s bag and pull out my Sword of Unforgiving Sharpness! (Cool name, eh?) I would fight this beast and come out victorious! I’d be a hero among the parking lot, and all of the shopping district would know of my name! A glorious plan, indeed.

I opened my bag and dug my hand into it. I felt the hilt of my blade. Victory, I could taste it. In my excitement, I failed to notice him charging at me. He grabbed me by the head. His thumb and index fingers each gripping my temples. I was quickly and effortlessly lifted off the ground and into the air.

“Thanks, kid.” He said with a sinister smile. He pulled the goggles off of my face before flinging me into a bunch of shopping carts. He came towards me. I was dead scared that he was gonna stomp my face in, or something like that. You know, kill me. Instead he spat on me, turned around, a ran… er, galloped away.

“FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOU!” was all I could say as I flipped him the bird. I had lost my goggles. I had lost my pride. But I vowed right then and there that I would get them both back. So for the past few days, I’ve been training. Soon, I’m gonna lay the smack down.

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Posted

Thanks for posting this. I keep getting a server error every once in a while on tumblr.

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