Let's write a STORY!

45 posts in this topic

Posted

Add gun (Ahab's Crosshairs) to strife specibus.

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Posted

By defying all laws of physics Jaster sticks a dumpster in his pockets. He hasn't got the slightest clue what the puppy a strife specibus is and has no plans on scaling the Echeladder either, so he just puts the gun in his pocket. He walks past the cop giving him the finger as he climbs into the cop car. He buckles up for safety, because that's what smart people do. The cop is not amused with all of this, so Jaster shoots him

Clip:13 bullets remaining.

The cop takes 3d6 damage and dies instantly for being a large enough nerd to argue that the average bullet does not deal 3d6 damage.

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Posted

Jaster realizes that sitting in a car is really pointless and drives off

You are now Stumpy, what do you do?

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Posted

Loot the dead cop's inventory.

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Posted

Stumpy looks into the cops pockets and finds lint. However, the cop has a really spiffy uniform on, has two arms and a rather shiny badge on his person. There is one less dumpster around to dive in and Stumpy is all out of speed and is slightly depressed.

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Posted

Retrieve arms from cop and sew them onto yourself.

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Posted

With years of knowledge gained from being a professional hobo, the most respectable job in New York City, Stumpy manages to sow the arms onto his stumps. "Hmm....that's a nice uniform" Stumpy says as he takes the cops uniform.

Stumpy is no more, he is now Officer Stumpy of the NYPD, he now has a pension plan along with healthcare and dental. He belches and scratches while looking around. Stumpy looks around in one of the dumpsters, just because he's a hobo, and that's what they do. Inside he sees a dead rat, a stick, a flyer for a free cup of coffee, and the strategy guide to this game.

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Posted

Put dead rat on end of stick to make the sacred Dead Rat Mace.

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Posted

It's the Ratflail, but close enough. With his mighty new weapon, Stumpy can now bring justice to the streets of New York. Justice....and potentially rabies. The rat flail gives him +4 against hipsters.

With a new sense of self worth, Stumpy leaves this alleyway.

You are once again Jaster King.

Jaster pulled himself out of the wreckage of the cop car. It is finely wedged into the wall of a bar, there are some terrified BAR STAFF and drunk DRUNKS. What should Jaster do now?

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Posted

Aggress BAR STAFF and DRUNKS.

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Posted

Jaster goes into a battle frenzy, he walks up to the Bartender and orders a cheeseburger.

The Bartender is offended by this blatant disregard for the fact that Jaster destroyed his wall and isn't even remotely sorry, so Mr. Bartender tells Jaster to puppy off.

Jaster smiles as he slams Mr. Bartenders head into the bar. This somehow turns on the jukebox on the other side of the bar.

Since none of you made your saving throw, you all just got

Rickrolled.

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Posted

Glance lustfully at attractive scattered bottles of various liquors and alcoholic beverages.

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Posted

Why glance when you can drink? Jaster now has full imagination and would need to build a fort if this was Problem Sleuth. He decides to vomit upon a drunk, who in response vomits upon Jaster.

Cops walk into this bar and decide that this is quite silly. They try to arrest Jaster who does not approve and shows his displeasure by pissing his pants.

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Posted

Use lv. 15 drunkenstuporskill: OCEAN OF PISS

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Posted

The bar explodes outwards from the amount of piss leaving Jaster's body, the cops die in agony and disgrace as their forefathers disown them. Jaster feels much lighter and the Drunks did not even budge from their stools, they've got lvl 100 drunkenstuporskill BARSTOOL BALANCE, an impressive feat that has required many years of dedication to the art of drinking...and a few unwilling organ donors.

You are once again Officer Stumpy.

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