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Furry Porn Story: They Have Sex At The End

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Posted

The night was cold. The heat was nowhere to be found, the search teams were clueless. Tax money had never been put to better use. But these details are totally irrelevant to anything and should be ignored.

Gregor is an asshole and nobody really likes him all that much. He is the protagonist who I will force you to like by shitting on all the other characters and making them less cool.

Anna is a nice lady but she puppying sucks because she's irritatingly optimistic. puppy her, puppy society. In fact I'm never going to talk about her ever again because I hate her that much.

"Stop stroking your dick" said the policeman, hoping to break down some kind of fourth wall.

"No" replied Gregor, who is incredible and amazing but also an asshole as previously mentioned.

"I will give you a ticket" threatened the policeman.

"Yeah so what where will you put it" said Gregor, badassly

"On your dick" said the policeman

Gregor is a weasel

The policeman is a dog

This is not the sex part and I don't even know if there will be any

But there might be

"No go away" said Gregor, who doesn't ever want to have tickets on his dick because it is an invasion of his personal space?

"I am going to stay I am going to put a ticket on your dick" the policeman persisted

"What is your name" asked Gregor

"Parker"

"puppy off Parker"

But Parker did not puppy off

He was a proud dog and proud of his achievements

He wasn't going to be told to puppy off by weasel

Weasels are the furry equivelant of the worst human being alive

"Okay I am taking you in I am going to put this ticket on your dick"

"No"

"Yes I am I am a policeman I have the upperhand I am dominant you are submissive this isn't leading to anything"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"I am going to arrest you for being a weasel"

"I will tell them you are racist"

"I Will remind them that weasels are considered the lesser race"

"Species"

"Race"

"Race you to the bedroom"

And then there was no sex because Gregor tripped and landed on his dick and it bled a little it was pretty gross unless you're into that kind of thing?

"Nooo"

"I am taking you in"

"I am a free spirit"

"Put on your clothes you filthy shit faced fag"

"Let's have sex"

"No there is no sex in this story"

And that last statement was the truth. It is written in the stars.

And then 2012 happened.

"Oh no let's escape"

"You can't escape the end of the world, Gregor we have been survivng together for 2 months now and our bond has strengthened but we will never have sex and you shouldn't expect that to ever happen"

But they did have sex.

Or so the legend goes.

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Posted

>>>>THE SEQUEL<<<<

But before we forget who we are let's remind ourselves who we are.

We are Gregor and Parker.

Gregor is a weasel and he is an asshole.

Parker is a policeman dog and he isn't a policeman anymore because the world ended in the last story.

They are fags.

And this is their story about them surviving dead things.

The dead things are zombies but they're not really dead they walk and eat people.

Their flesh falls off because science says so.

Reality cannot be denied and nor can rapists.

"We have been walking for 5 months can I sit down" Gregor whined, because he is a complainer, the kind of person you, the reader, shouldn't aim to be.

"No shut up you are just weak"

"No you are fat and an ex-policeman I am an ex-shit-head"

"Ex?"

And then there was lightning which was awesome because it was ZING

Fire or lava or something like that would work also because it could also be a burn

"I hate you you are a dog we are furries this is a furry story Parker"

"I am a dog and yes I am as manly and sexy as you imagine."

"And I am a pathetic waste of space" Gregor self-pitied

"Stop being a self-pitying waste of space, Gregor"

"Stop shitting on my advances"

"It's what I'm into"

And then they walked into the big black land that was all made of rocks and orcs

"Why are there orcs"

"Mayans are incredible"

They continued onwards and upwards over the hill. The hill was rocky too and was more like a rock hill as opposed to a grassy or snowy hill. It was warm here and therefore there was no need for snow.

But then there were zombies

"Oh no not again"

"I am Parker we are going to talk in the Gregor/Parker/Gregor/Parker way we have been talking in every story before, and I wont say 'said Parker' or somesuch ever again because it is a waste of time." said Parker

"How do we fight this?"

"With the power of love"

"Too bad we hate each other"

"No we love each other play along"

"I refuse to do what you say because I am honest to myself"

"I am your queen and you will constantly betray yourself to please me"

"I am but a lowly weasel who am I to deny the wishes of a greater species"

"Race"

"Stop being an awful person"

"I am a dog"

"I cannot tell a lie"

"You are a weasel and therefore you always lie"

"Yes I do"

And then there was lightning to show that that was a ZING and that Gregor totally kicked ass back there

"Can we wrap this up now and come back when we have killed the zombies" said Parker who I am starting off with this time

"No we will continue despite any wishes of anything"

"I have rethought my life and the answer is yes"

So they attacked the zombies. I don't care if that's not possible don't argue with me, you are a nerd.

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Posted

Oh my tin-pooper.

That was...well, enjoyable.

Bravo, sir Teto.

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Posted

I read the first one twice and laughed both times, the second one was pretty alright

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Posted

Yeah the original is always best.

In everything.

No exceptions.

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Posted

The original Legend of Zelda was alright but I think the sequels are better.

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