Looking for a car....[RANT]

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

Everybody on craigslist is a squidding dreamer. Oh, my squidding rustbucket full of horse shit and turbo turds is worth bluebook PLUS 584453453534353363343 DOLLARS! HOLY squidding SHIT! LETS NOT MENTION ANY OF THE PROBLEMS OR EVEN REMOTELY USEFUL INFORMATION IN THE AD! THAT WOULD JUST squidding MAKE SENSE.

AND squid THE PEOPLE WHO DONT PUT PICTURES UP. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? squid YOU, THATS WHAT. GO TO A RAILROAD. PULL OUT A SPIKE. SHARPEN IT. SHOVE IT.

I went to look at a Passat the other day. "THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH IT" derped the current owner. "I SMOKED IN IT A LITTLE BIT, BUT MY KIDS WERE ALWAYS IN IT, SO IT WASNT OFTEN," he continued.

So I get there, there is oil pouring form the bottom of this poor excuse for a vehicle in such magnificent quantities that it is running out into the road in an actual, squidding FLOWING STREAM. THERE IS SO MUCH ASH IN THIS CAR, IT LOOKED LIKE A squidding VOLACNO. THIS IS A CALL TO ALL GEOLOGISTS TO EXPLORE A 2003 PASSAT IN ROSEVILLE THAT IS SPEWING USED MOTOR OIL AND ASH. The backseat is literally PLASTERED in crumbs and what looks like a blend of orange juice and oatmeal. The cloth roof has HOLES in it. And it looks like someone took a belt sander to the exterior. And then a sledgehammer. And then photoshop.

Well, its not like Sterling Heights and Roseville aren't cities that are apparently used car lots or anything...

So I went to look at an Intrepid. Another complete clustersquid on batshit and cocaine. The exterior that was not shown in the pictures was rusted so badly I could have gently breathed holes in it. And heres the real kicker: I SUSPECT THIS CAR WAS ON FIRE AT ONE POINT. Chunks are missing from the photoshopped steering wheel. The seats consist of 90% duct tape. Cigarette burns in the dashboard. The backseat has been blackened in some areas. THIS CAR WAS ACTUALLY ON FIRE. And then this squider has the nerve to ask me to test drive it. So I do. And theres this squidding squealing noise from the engine. IT WAS DEAFENING AND AWFUL. And when I park it back at his house: THE squidding BUMPER LITERALLY FALLS THE squid OFF.

And now comes the Mercury. 2001 Sable; by far the nicest (as compared to that shit above, its still not much) of the cars I've looked at. Decent exterior. When you open the door, it smells like a chimney. DEAR JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST PUT THE CANCER STICKS DOWN. SERIOUSLY, THIS LADY MUST HAVE TIED HER CIGARETTES TOGETHER SO SHE COULD KEEP SMOKING THEM IN A LITERAL CHAIN. I overlook that. Then I open the hood. Or, TRY to open the hood. The hood lever breaks off inside of the car. squid YOU.

[/rant]

I needed that.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Your car adventures could be a sitcom.

[Chimetals 344]

jeegus, that is pretty bad.

although your descriptions were pretty amusing.

The exterior that was not shown in the pictures was rusted so badly I could have gently breathed holes in it. And heres the real kicker: I SUSPECT THIS CAR WAS ON FIRE AT ONE POINT. Chunks are missing from the photoshopped steering wheel. The seats consist of 90% duct tape. Cigarette burns in the dashboard. The backseat has been blackened in some areas. THIS CAR WAS ACTUALLY ON FIRE.

DEAR JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST PUT THE CANCER STICKS DOWN. SERIOUSLY, THIS LADY MUST HAVE TIED HER CIGARETTES TOGETHER SO SHE COULD KEEP SMOKING THEM IN A LITERAL CHAIN.

i just....i laughed so hard at these.

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

Went to look at a grand prix today.

There was what appeared to be a freshly used dickbag stuck between the seats. Keep it classy folks.

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

So I bought a 2002 sable.

[pheonix561 2080]

How good or bad is it

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

Its in suprisingly good shape actually.

[Chimetals 344]

thats good to hear, given the horror stories you had before.

i mean really, the worst i had to deal with was a mazda 3 that would have given me lung cancer, with how imbedded the smoke was in that thing.

[Ammonsa 308]

Seeing as this is the closest thing on here to a car thread, I'll just be mentioning that no one is safe on the roads from my terror tomorrow.