Posted 16 June 2012 - 05:52 AM
It's kinda hard to tell you guys, but I think I might be bi-curious. :L
(For the record, I've always liked girls. I still don't have a doubt about that.)
I don't really know how to explain it clearly.
Ever since about 3 years ago when I became atheist (a week later agnostic ), I started thinking outside the box. I started questioning everything that I used to believe in. Before that, there was a time in my life where I wanted to assassinate Obama purely because he was a black president, where I hated gays just because they were that, where I would beat up anyone if they didn't believe in God, etc. etc. etc. You could say I was some sort of redneck White Taliban. (I'm the opposite of all of those opinions now. I think Obaba is cool, gays are no different than other people, and all beliefs are cool.)
The gay thing kinda caught my eye, though. I hear a lot of criticism in my school against gays (Also with a good friend of mine in 7th grade who commited suicide because he was bullied because of him being open about being gay) So I started researching it. I started asking myself questions like "do they deserve rights?" and "are they bad people?". (I answered yes then no. I'm now pro-choice about most everything now. I take pride in that.) I then googled it, then I saw a lot of people saying "dem fugguts dunt desrve no rites!" and other BS (mainly Yahoo!Answers.)
Long story short, I guess I became a gay right's activist after looking it all up and finding the answers within myself. I never thought that people shouldn't be deprived of their rights after 3 years ago.
Then I got a piercing in my right ear (which was by choice. I guess to show my support, or to rebel lol.) My dad and grandpa is all like, "You got it pierced in the wrong ear! I'm telling you!", all the time. If they said that a few times, normally I'd shrug it off, but they've brought it up so much that it's convinced me they think I like guys, even though I keep telling them I'm straight. I mean, cmon, a piercing in your right ear meaning you automatically like men makes as much sense as a ring on your ring finger means you're automatically married. And my grandpa sometimes after picking me up from summer school asks me jokingly, "Did you kiss any girls today? or guys? heh... " (His hearing is bad, so he talks louder than he thinks, so he thinks I don't hear what he says when he speaks low"
If I own a game where I can make characters, like in RPGs or MMOs, I usually make female characters (I have no idea why. I just think its kinda cool.)
So after watching videos on YouTube all night, I somehow ended up in the gays-confessing-to-their-parents part of YouTube. I ended up getting some sort of kinda funny feeling in my chest. Seeing some of the reactions from their parents, it kinda made me feel insecure, kinda like I was being put in that conversation. Also learning about how gays could be straight up until a certain point in their lives then change their mind (which makes me think being gay is a choice, but a righteous one to pick if you want though).
Idk man. I've researched the topic a lot in the past years, just in case I ever needed it if I changed my mind, and I guess I just might be a little confused is all. So far, I'm straight. Y'know, girls and all. But that could change anytime. I'm not homophobic at all, but I wouldn't ever visualize myself being gay. I've always been attracted to girls, wanted a family, etc. And I think my parents, or my dad at least, would flip shit if I ever told them I was gay.
I guess I just need another person to tell. I need to know sub-consciously that others know my thoughts. :/ I'm still just re-evaluating my life.
Posted 16 June 2012 - 06:51 AM
All I see are things like getting your ear pierced, playing girls in games, and believing in gay rights. I suppose the main thing which has you thinking you're bi-curious is the possibility that it might be something you're into?
One last thing, don't go suddenly thinking you're gay at any point. You still like girls now, there's no reason to think you never will again if it turns out you like guys too. Chances are that your preferences will constantly change over time, so don't restrict yourself to either side.
Posted 16 June 2012 - 06:56 AM
That said, you seem to have gone from one extreme to the other, lol. Which means you're finding out about yourself. Which is great. You'll probably settle somewhere in the middle at some point. It's always better to be hated for who you are than be loved for who you're not. But don't go out of your way to be different or anything, you know what I mean? Just be yourself and be honest with yourself.
- Werewolf likes this
Posted 16 June 2012 - 07:15 AM
Posted 16 June 2012 - 12:33 PM
And, I wouldn't say it's a choice inasmuch as it's simply a discovery. (I'm bi also, so I know some of these feels, kinda.)
Posted 16 June 2012 - 04:08 PM
Posted 16 June 2012 - 07:26 PM
It's fluid and it changes and a year from now you'll laugh at who you were today and wonder how you were so mistaken. We all do.
Posted 16 June 2012 - 07:56 PM
everyone's already said what I wanted to add, you're growing up, making decisions for yourself and opening your eyes, it's good that you're accepting, you'll figure it out with time :>
Posted 16 June 2012 - 08:19 PM
Yea, I actually know a lot about what you mean. And I'm getting my ears pierced in both ears, but why the crap did I choose my right to be first? lol And nobody's brought it up yet other than my dad and grandpa, which leads me to think that nobody actually cares anymore or just never knew about the whole rule in the first place lol.
i knew there was a thing about one ear pierced or the other, but never could remember which was which. odds are, a lot of people that know of that "meaning" business are the same way, i think.
wondering if youre bi or not isnt bad, because in the end, youll just find an answer, one way or another. also, a lot of guys play as girls in games, for differing reasons. my brothers character in rock band, for example, is a skinny tanned girl with bi colored hair and a bikini. as for why he chose that......if the bikini doesnt tip you off......
and i tend to play as the opposite sex, too. my personality is more suited to that look, and heavy-armor just makes for visual deliciousness :3
that said, changing views so extremely is impressive in itself, i think. im just speculating here, but im guessign its a "what youve been taught vs what you thought through for yourself" kind of change. just keep thinking, and youll find all your answers.
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