College Woes

[pheonix561 2080]

It's always good to find a crowd of people who aren't going to force you to drink with them. I'm really glad to have made friends who will offer me a drink and not press further when I politely decline.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

I have several friends who are pretty respectful about it; they do weed or drink and don't pressure me to, but tell me if I ever want any, they'll be sure to break out their best stock.

[Teto 2609]

You pussies - chicken men of finest calibre

Drink like MAN

Hairs on CHEST

 

I drank so much I grew hair all over and turned into a dog

 

Stooopid American Chicken Men

Bakaaaaa bakaaaaa

[pheonix561 2080]

You pussies - chicken men of finest calibre

Drink like MAN

Hairs on CHEST

 

I drank so much I grew hair all over and turned into a dog

 

Stooopid American Chicken Men

Bakaaaaa bakaaaaa

I'm only quoting it so we can see it in the future just in case

[Cirt 612]

I'm a slow drinker, and because I let it settle, I always get extremely sleepy when I drink. So it's been a while since I have busted out my rum, and my friends tell me I need to basically binge drink if I want to be on their level of drunkenness. I mean, drink to a reasonable level, no one actually likes blacking out lol.

 

I'm also the type of person that likes to be productive in the mornings, whether it's doing homework or cleaning, so waking up after a night of drinking kind of inhibits that and makes me want to sleep all morning. Then I feel lazy all day. 

 

I'd rather smoke weed anyway, just have a hard time of finding someone to buy it from.

[Cascade 741]

You'll definitely need to binge drink to get on MY level of drunkeness

 

also lol, speaking of pressuring people to drink, I offered to pay my teetotaler friend like, £10 if he drunk the entirety of a glass of erm, I don't actually remember probs a cocktail or something. He drunk half of it and I still paid him the £10. so I guess if the teetotalers of the forum wanna con me outta my money sometime in the future you can do that lol. I'm a really stupid drunk. ):

 

also smoking weed is way more enjoyable than drinking I agree. one of my pals showed me a place to buy it cheap here. it makes the occasional hang-out nights we have a bit more stupid and fun I guess. :x

[Chimetals 344]

out of my circle of friends, im probably the only one that would be like "LETS BOOZE, GUISE"

 

it sounds awful, but the way i drank in kanazawa, my (party-child) flatmate told me "yeah, see, thats just 'tipsy' ". little wobbly, pretend im drunker than i am just a bit to pretend my japanese is bad fron the drinks, not my lack of vocab, and then steal the karaoke machine at 2 am after everyone passes out on top of jesse. still, compared to everyone else i know who is like "never had anything, and i do not want" i seem like a party animal.

 

on the other hand, i think what i miss the most is the atmosphere, hands-down. like, "hey lets go get stupid drunk, risk alcohol poisoning, and have a nasty hangover tomorrow!" isnt appealing to me. like, i didnt have to worry that someone was gonna take advantage of me  in any way, and everyone made sure no one drank an excessive amount. the more experienced people, especially, took care of all us noobies, and made sure we werent downing things one after the other, or gonna pull a stupid stunt or anything.

 

we also had a girl that tended to down whatever she was holding after a few--she was pretty new to the drinking thing. shed also stop speaking english around that point. she was one of the american students in our group.

[emsomniac 239]

out of my circle of friends, im probably the only one that would be like "LETS BOOZE, GUISE"

See, when I'm under the influence of anything i get noticeably less shy and basically start being bubbly/sociable/slightly crazy. Also happens when I'm sleep deprived/after I've had way too much caffeine. Its actually really nice and I'm sure some of my old friends can attest that I get a little more, uh, *interesting* when I'm like that.

 

Basically what  I'm saying is that drunk me is like 10x more fun than regular me and we should really test this out sometime. Edit: *hint hint our birthday is on a friday this year :3*

Edited 23 Feb 2013 by emsomniac (see edit history)

[Chimetals 344]

See, when I'm under the influence of anything i get noticeably less shy and basically start being bubbly/sociable/slightly crazy. Also happens when I'm sleep deprived/after I've had way too much caffeine.

idk about caffine, but i know sleep deprivation has similar effects.

 

 

Basically what  I'm saying is that drunk me is like 10x more fun than regular me and we should really test this out sometime. Edit: *hint hint our birthday is on a friday this year :3*

oh gawd, ive already got some weird drunk stories. like one of my friends stripping down to his underwear at karaoke for no reason whatsoever and then leaving the room, going into the other karaoke room, grabbing someones drink off the table at random, downing it, and then returning.

 

and then theres the guy that did basically everything stereotypical in one night. he tried to keep up with the girl that stopped speaking english after a few, and we were drinking plum wine (delicious, but im p sure its stronger than it tastes, or it was just so tasty that we drank more than we would have otherwise). he attempted to drunk-call his mom, where we kainda just took his phone subtly and hid it, then another girl tried to get him to shut up and go to sleep, at which point he pulled the "youre all great friends" routine.

girl: "ok, ok, we love you too. now how about you go sleep in that bed with miku?" (note: miku went straight to her bed after a drink. missing enzymes or something)

guy: "i dont want to sleep with that bitch"

 

later in the night, we heard the sliding door separating the room we were in from mikus room rattle--as the bed was up against the door, it was our indicator that one of the (three) drunks was trying to move. by the time we opened the door, we saw him in her closet, starting to pull his pants down and head for the squatting toilet position. the english speaking male in our group all but physically dragged him to the bathroom around the corner (still in the apartment).

 

at that point, he apparently went to sit on the toilet, but the seat was still up. we heard our one friend protesting and trying to stop him, but it didnt work. after that, he apparently sat on the toilet, fell asleep and did nothing, and so our friend woke him up and brought him back, and he went back to bed.

 

the best part was that he didnt remember any of this the next morning. and had the typical hangover/"im never drinking that again". so we got to tell him every little thing he did. (apparently, drunk-calling his mother was a common occurrence)

[Eka 387]

Well I've decided to change my double major from History and Liberal Arts to History and Labour Studies.

Which would normally be awesome, if my Lib Arts courses which I've struggled with all bloody year didn't become electives that took up 3 of my 4 electives for 4 years of my University life in Year 1.

 

I really wanted to take a bunch of Classics courses for electives, too. Ugghh.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

I'm probably going to have to drop 2/3 of my classes that I took this semester, retaking them over the summer. Worst case scenario, I drop all of them and retake them in the fall.

 

Every time kaffles told me to see a counselor for my emotional problems I pretty much was just like, "I don't have time for that, I need to get to work", but every time I tried, I just got worse. This was possibly the worst time for me to break down.

 

I don't know how much you guys thought I've been going through, but it's a lot of things for me to deal with. After the first time I dropped off the radar, I either became the elephant in the room or you guys just didn't care, and that didn't help at all. I couldn't come to you all with my problems; I'd resolved to try to take them on myself because I couldn't expect a response anymore, and I just managed to wind up much lonelier and alienated from you all. I tried to talk to you, and wasn't responded to literally 50% of the time, even if I spoke directly to you, for two months, save for Werewolf. I tried to get support from my closest friends, and I was abandoned. I didn't feel like I belonged here at all, and became sickened with my profile for its lighthearted look, and scrapped everything I could. I recently realized that no one had asked me why I did it. I didn't think to do it for a reaction, I just wanted it gone, but that realization makes me even sadder.

 

So right now I've become pretty reclusive and my tolerance for a lot of things dropped. Which doesn't help my social standing here, because since I want to try to keep the place active and not feel like I've wrecked the place by introducing jaded, sarcastic, disinterested teenagers/20-somethings into a forum that used to be full of sincere, fun-loving individuals, I'm just the old man coming out of his house every so often to yell at the kids to turn the boombox down; I'm no longer hip or relevant, and I came to accept that a long time ago. Occasionally if I talk about my problems here, people make it about their own problems or no one says anything. No matter how much I cared for any of you in your times of need, I went unreciprocated and alone in mine. I thought about making a blog or a thread, but it's not like anyone would read or respond to them; I feel like a direct-to-DVD movie. All I can afford is a post in someone else's thread.

 

I often find myself walking alone everywhere now or hanging out with just one or two people every once in awhile. The people I hang out with tend to be adverse to any kind of progression or actual work, and those things are the only things I can take my mind off my troubles with recently. I feel like no one understands me. I can listen to music I enjoy or I can make stuff or even exercise a little but those are temporary highs. Eventually the music has to stop, or I'm finished showering, and I have to return to the world that rejects who I've become and doesn't care for these attempts to improve. My only hope is that I start being productive, but it's just too lonely for me to handle sometimes, and I hardly ever get proper feedback.

 

And I guess I'll add a little blip about music in here; my musical tastes are kind of distinct and drifting from most people I find, and I'm really passionate about it, but I still take the time to listen from other peoples' tastes and discuss it with them. No one really gives me the same courtesy, and that bums me out too sometimes because I feel like music is a shared experience. So I normally just gush about it to myself.

 

I no longer feel nearly as bad as I did a month or two ago, but I'm still just completely wrecked. I don't know what to do other than leave you all behind and stop caring about whether or not I even have real friends or real relationships. And no, I don't require constant reassurance. The only reassurance two friends need amongst themselves is the mutual knowledge that if one is suffering, the other will be there for that person. That there is consideration and connection. I don't feel that with anyone right now, and I used to constantly feel it, with everyone; even strangers. I have regressed to the point of negativity, and I've actually been abandoned by people I cared about.

 

This rant is a little late, but this morning I removed Hyrule.net and Facebook from my favorites bar, because I kind of looked at them and said, "I don't need these things; there is nothing for me there". I'll still come back here because I'll be curious, but that's all this has been for the past months. I come here because I care about you all, and when I get here all I see is that you're all trying to compete for likes by making only pointless, humorous remarks, or talking about something that I no longer have the invitation to join. I'm a part of the background now and I'm the intruder. I have friends I can count on my hands and the relationships I do have are tattered, impersonal, or strained. The rare times I can interact naturally with someone are when I hardly know them, because they don't know me and I can make a fresh start.

 

I guess since I've wasted so much time on this post I'll put it up. This isn't the first time I've started a post like this, but the other times I've deleted what I typed. I've avoided specifics because even though this is me just kind of shouting at the wall, I know that there are people who will hear it. The problem is that all I'm going to hear is an echo. That's all it's been for months. I know what I'm talking about, so I don't really have to let anyone else know. I've felt better, and even relatively normal, since I came to terms with something and broke it off, but now my school problems and general frustration with the lack of forward progression have been bringing me down. Almost as if I were on a boat above an ocean of negative feelings, and sometimes it springs leaks in between islands of happiness and normalcy. So yeah. I guess I made this to announce my reclusion officially. You can, in good conscience, ignore what I say now, because now you know I'm really mostly talking to myself and don't expect a response.

[Teto 2609]

Responding anyway to say I am also here, listening. Shame I'm not much to talk to, so I can't really be there much as a friend. I'm pretty reclusive as well as you gather, so you know I can relate on some level, though I don't feel as negatively toward it as you do (at the moment). Not to say I like it, but just not so depressed about it. Whatever the case, I'm just saying I know where you're coming from.

 

I'm glad you're still talking about it though. Keeping it to yourself just isolates you even more. Having nobody who feels special and serious, who you can talk to about how you feel is pretty terrible. Being able to continuously make yourself open to other people is good.

 

As long as you can actually hit Post after writing stuff like this, you're not getting worse. If you find you can't do that anymore, please worry. Look out for little things you do each day, and how they might change. Little thoughts that limit yourself in any way. Look out for yourself continuously closing more and more doors with small thoughts. 

[LLmao ?✊? 1276]

I have had more one-on-one serious talks with you than any other people. I just don't know what to say anymore. Like, I really do care but there's only so much that I can do when you and I have really different views on things. You may interpret me as a person who has "turned their back" on you or something, but like I actually don't know what to say. And I don't want to listen to festering negativity about hatred towards people. If there was some kind of plan of action or solution in sight, people would be more receptive to showing support. But I feel like it's always hitting a wall and then it's just pure negativity and I don't know what to do.

 

People don't like being told that we are all failing you and how you always help us in our time of need. I don't like that.

I always always say that self-worth and "relevance" and confidence comes from within. It's just about taking the first step. Like, there are lots of users who are actively bullied, but they still post. Not letting other people affect you is a great way to have people like you. It's weird like that. But like other than that universal piece of advice, I sincerely do not know what to say.

[Chase 390]

I think you're being too dramatic.

 

Just because something feels a certain way, or you perceive something a certain way, doesn't mean it is a certain way, ya? I don't think all of your friends have abandoned you. You've shut yourself off from their contact (you've stopped coming to Hyrule recently, for example) and you're upset that no one cares that you've been missing? Maybe they have and haven't posted about it. Or maybe they haven't. Regardless, the only true way to fix it is to start posting again. To be engaged in coversation, offer advice and input, and just generally be a happy person. Same goes for your IRL friends. Spend time with them. Call them. Invite them to places. Don't just wait for things to happen. Go. Do.

 

It sucks to feel the way you do. I know. You convince yourself that your friends don't truly appreciate you, you put a negative spin on every situation...I've been there. Pretty recently, in fact. The easiest way to get back to where you want to be is to convince yourself that you are wrong and work to establish a better situation. If you want change, then change. Action is the simplest way to get to where you want to be. Often, you overlook a lot when you're drowning in your own self-pity.

 

Another thing you can do is forget yourself for a while. Seriously. Forget the fact you exist. Instead, go out and see what you can do for others. Give your friends attention and love, give strangers a smile and a complement...you might be surprised how quickly your mood gets better.

 

Also, if you ever want to talk just let me know. If I were with you we could go grab a soda or something. But unfortunately all we have is the internet, so it would have to be through something like Skype or Hyrule or Facebook or whatever.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

 

Yeah. Thanks, Teto. I hope you at least know where you're comfortable.

 

 

I don't view you as a person who has turned your back on me, not in the least. I try to make plans of action but they keep failing under the tenseness and negative feelings that spike every so often. I don't think I helped you in your time of need before, not that I was aware of. I just know that I've invested a lot into this place and its people, and sometimes it feels like it no longer needs me. I am fairly sure I know how to get people to like me, it's just that I can't do it naturally in good conscience; I don't feel it, so I'd rather not fake it. But don't ever feel like your gestures don't mean anything to me.

 

 

I know that reality and my feelings don't match up. But the feelings are real, so that's how I perceive reality. I've actually been going to more peoples' houses in more saturated social environments every so often, and I can't work up the gall to be as happy as I was before. All my friends haven't abandoned me, no, but I know ones that have. After I convinced myself they weren't important, I got back to normal pretty quickly, and my current depression is due to my schoolwork that's suffered because of my emotional state.

 

And honestly, it's hard to get off self-pity when you've got it, as I'm sure you know. It's not as simple as just doing it, no matter how hard I try. I know you're not trying to come off this way, but it sounds like you think I've never smiled at a stranger or given my friends love and attention. Like I said, these things are temporary highs that get me through the day, and they always come to a stop at some point; at my worst, my default emotional state is sad. I went to a con for a weekend and I was sick, but I hung out with the staff and met new people, and I danced. I saw a short girl (like 4'8"?) around my age during the rave I'd never met before and I told her she was adorable, and asked if I could hug her. (this was a platonic gesture, I assure you) I know how to have a good time with friends.

 

Myself was the least important thing on my mind until recently, and in fact, sometimes I forget what I look like, let alone that I have worldly issues. I used to, rather. I'm kind of imploding on myself at the moment, so I'm finding it really hard to get back to that point.

 

 

 

The thing is, I've been trying so hard to get into my school of choice, but my emotional state has become so fickle. All my friends are off in different colleges learning things that are actually useful, and I'm here alone trying to work towards making my passions and work sync up. I mean, I'm about to get a two-year associate's at my community college, in computer science. I've only taken two comp sci courses, neither of which are particularly advanced. Even then, I keep failing classes and having to retake them because of how worn out and stressed school makes me, and more recently, because of emotional problems.

 

To relieve stress, I work on projects or practice music or do things I could actually learn and advance in, and I actually feel like I'm wasting time doing them; the things that I plan to do as careers. And then there's the stress knowing that U of I wants me to have a GPA of 3.0, and not even that; that's the bare minimum. No, their average GPA for the computer science department is 3.5 - 3.8. So it was a longshot even if I didn't fail physics last semester, but this semester I was supposed to get all As-- that would boost me to 3.2, and even THAT is lower than average. I used to have a study buddy that I hung out with all the time and had fun with, but now it's just me. I thought that it would help, but it didn't.

 

There are a lot of other factors, but I'm tired and I'll cut it off here. Really though, thank you for your replies. I'm just not myself much lately. So ends another chapter in the Saga of Saha. Sagaqiel.