Embarrassing Family Secrets Revealed

36 posts in this topic

Posted

My Grandfather died a few months ago and we went down to pack up his stuff. While packing I found an old KKK hood among other white supremacy propaganda. My Dad then confessed to me that grandpa joined the Klan after world war 2 and was a Kleagle until my grandmother made him quit during the civil rights movement. 

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Posted

Racism, you know, just a fad.

My grandmother (mother's side) killed 4 men and confessed to it on her death bed. They were acts of revenge, from wut I understand.

Also, my grandmother (father's side) has a cousin who is Charles Manson's mother. Though she may be a 2nd cousin or something, not entirely sure.

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Posted

I'm not related to Sarah Silverman. She's Jewish.

pheonix561 likes this

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Posted

I am Sarah Silverman, and you are my son.

pheonix561 likes this

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Posted

This was meant to be a place to reveal true family secrets....but if you wanna go the comedic route fine....

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Posted

I was a child conceived out of wedlock, and my mum managed to convince my dad that God did it. She did such a good job of it that eventually I got the main role in the sequel to the best selling novel The Old Testament.

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Posted

Sucks that you got killed off so early on. The resurrection plot device was cool though.

 

Altogether an 8/10. 

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Posted

This was meant to be a place to reveal true family secrets....but if you wanna go the comedic route fine....

i can confirm that these are all 100% truths so far.

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Posted

Here's a true one.

 

My daddy left home when I was three and he didn't leave much to mum and me. Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze. Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid, but the meanest thing that he ever did was before he left, he went and named me "Sue." Well, he must of thought that is quite a joke and it got a lot of laughs from a lot of folk, It seems I had to fight my whole life through. Some girl would giggle and I'd get red, and some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head, I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

 

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean, my fist got hard and my wits got keen, I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame. But I made a vow to the moon and stars that I'd search the honky-tonks and bars and kill that man who gave me that awful name.

 

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July and I just hit town and my throat was dry, I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew. At an old saloon on a street of mud, there at a table, dealing stud, sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue." Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad from a worn-out picture that my mother'd had, and I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye. He was big and bent and gray and old, and I looked at him and my blood ran cold and I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now you're gonna die!!"

 

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes and he went down, but to my surprise, he came up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear. But I busted a chair right across his teeth and we crashed through the wall and into the street, kicking and gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer. I tell you, I've fought tougher men, but I really can't remember when, he kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.

 

I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss, he went for his gun and I pulled mine first, he stood there looking at me and I saw him smile. And he said: "Son, this world is rough and if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough and I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along. So I give ya that name and I said goodbye I knew you'd have to get tough or die and it's the name that helped to make you strong." He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight and I know you hate me, and you got the right to kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do. But you ought to thank me, before I die, for the gravel in your guts and the spit in your eye, cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

 

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun and I called him my dad, and he called me his son, and I came away with a different point of view. And I think about him, now and then, every time I try and every time I win, and if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

Treemotan, pheonix561 and Ammonsa like this

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Posted

Five facts but one is a lie! Figure it out and I'll give you some pie.

 

  1. My grandmother was married 3 times, not a common thing back in her day
  2. she was a bounty hunter
  3. she claimed to be a vampire hunter as well
  4. my mother's biological father was one of the 4 men she killed
  5. she claims one of those 4 men was a vampire. BUT WHICH ONE??

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Posted

Many, many years so when I was 23 I was married to a widow, who was pretty as can be. This widow, had a grown-up daughter, 

Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed.

 

This made my dad my son-in-law,  And really changed my life. Now my daughter was my mother, Cause she was my father's wife.
And to complicate the matter, Even though it brought me joy, I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.


My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad, And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For, if he were my uncle, then that also made him brother of the widow's grown up daughter, who was of course, my stepmother.


Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run, And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue. Because although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too.

Now, if my wife is my grandmother, I am her grandchild,  And every time I think of it, It nearly drives me wild.
Cause now I have become, the strangest case you ever saw, As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa.

 

Oh I'm my own grandpa, I'm my own grandpa. It sounds funny I know, but it really is so hey I'm my own Grandpa.


 

Treemotan and Teto like this

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Posted

apparently my cousin once removed in florida who i never see had a photo of himself shaking hands with George W Bush as his facebook profile photo for a really long time

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Posted

grossss!

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Posted

~Australian Exclusive Confessions~

 

My great-great~whatever grandfather on my father's side was an arsonist and that's how he got sent to Australia as a convict! :)

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Posted

Its still weird to me that Australia is a nation based off of a place people were exiled to. Pretty cool though.

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