Something about fixing some shit

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

So, a while back, I think I finally figured out exactly and precisely everything that is wrong with me. 

 

It is a combination of not giving a puppy about myself, not giving a puppy about other people, a negative outlook on life in general, and a sprinkle of depression.

 

So, last year was big.

 

It was my freshman year of college. Unlike most freshman, I never drank, never smoked, never had sex, didn't go to any parties, and generally sat around with other people who also weren't like typical freshman and just felt distant and lonely. That year I also had my first "girlfriend" if you want to call it that, we dated for two months and then she cheated on me with an ex. I never really did much of anything. Money was an issue, but to be quite honest, I couldn't be motivated to do jack shit. Second semester comes around, and I decide that I'm going to treat myself to a blacksmithing class. After a monitor stopped showing up, preventing me from accessing the tool room, I got a job as a monitor, which I still have today (I'm actually typing this while at work.). I make a bit of money off of some commissioned stuff as well, namely an axe head and some candle sticks. I'm still lonely. A lot. My roommate (Who was 110% not ready for college or anything beyond middle school) moved out after the first semester.

 

So, this year rolls around now, and one day, it hit me - I suck. This whole thing began to hit me when this girl invited me over to her room one night. There were 4 other people there. She sits down, starts doing her homework, and talking with those 4 other people. I realize that I am sitting there and not doing anything about it. So, my immediate solution is to well, leave. No goodbyes, nothing, I just got up and left. After an hour and a half of being invited somewhere for the sole purpose of being ignored, I think that's a fair thing to do. That night, for the first time, I proceeded to go to a party and get really really drunk.

 

None of that matters except for this bit - I had fun. Like, a lot of fun. Which is weird.

 

I realized that I was better than that, and I deserved better than that, and I therefor got better than that. I might have spent all night sitting in that goddamn room otherwise, who knows? 

 

I also, at this time, decide to start putting some effort into talking to everyone, and being somewhat nicer. It's working pretty well. 

 

Also, at this time, my dorm decides that it's going to start a cardio workout program in the basement. I decide to join up. My RA was heading the program, and he had about 20 people to start with. It began to dwindle, first to 15, then to 5, and now there's 3 of us. I'm the only one who hasn't missed a single workout.

 

Did I mention that I tested into a normal BMI range for the first time ever? This was about the time that people started treating me like a real person, with interests and feelings and valid thoughts. People actually paid attention to me and tried to talk to me, instead of leaving me in a role more suited to a piece of furniture during a conversation. 

 

Things are turning around. 

 

I've been drunk a few times, partied a bit, and I've been able to control myself while I'm at it. I have a very high GPA, a lot of friends, some closer than others, and I actually feel like I am valuable. 

 

And I've quite honestly, never been happy(ier?). 

[PrimaGaga 1025]

I don't understand people our age who have never even tried drinking or smoking, etc. Or rather, I don't understand people who judge others for doing it. "Partying" has such a negative stigma to some folk and I just dont understand that. But wutever.

 

Basically, I'm glad you've found a way to relieve stress and have some fun. Hope life continues to get better for you!

[Sayubie 405]

I am not one for parties but if it makes you happy, yo.

I mean, just don't do anything regrettably unfixable and you're fine.

 

Glad that you've found your niche and are in a better place.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Good on you, GMP. For realsies.