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important update on my unimportant life (serious message)

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Posted

Naw dude, I remember you. You made good music. Surprising and sad to hear you're going through such heavy shit. Honestly I didn't have much of an image of who you were before; I thought of you as just some late-teens/early-twenties dude who liked playing guitar. It's good to have you building on the impression. Your reality is more interesting than who I thought you were.

I've never really been at that kind of low point. I've still got it cushy, and if I feel overwhelmingly desperate it's never long enough to completely knock me out of action, though I do go through periods of withdrawal from my responsibilities. I can get lost and self-destructive, but I keep on a vague path through life, aiming for what I think is my good end. Everybody has a lot of shit to figure out. Mostly people here don't begin to talk about their problems until they become a very real problem to them, which I can respect, but I still wonder how much everybody's going through.

_17chan likes this

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Posted

thanks, man. :) i remember you 'cause of the "time paradog" and that always stuck in my head haha! but yeah, i hesitated posting about this because i was afraid it would make me look like i was grabbing for attention. but, to be honest, i said it because i want everyone to know that even at THIS low point, there's a way to turn it all around and make the right choice. if anyone here ever feels remotely close to what i felt, or the same, OR worse, don't be afraid to talk about it.

you can have a lavish exciting wealthy life and still feel like there's nothing for you. it doesn't matter the life you live, it's how you feel. but no matter what life you live, you're important and there are people out there who care for you. 

Cirt likes this

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Posted

I could tell that you were anxious about posting this in part because of how you safeguarded yourself at the end by saying you don't expect replies or likes; in a sort of self preservation tactic to feel less disappointed if you didn't get a satisfying. I like noticing behavior like that, because I can totally relate. People can get pretty tied up trying to deny their need for validation, but most people need that security to ensure peace of mind.

Like the other night I was out drinking with a couple people, and we met these super nice Christian people talking about salvation, so I ditched my friends to hang out with the Christian folk, and talked to them for a while. I wasn't caving in to their opinions or pandering to their point of view, it was kind of nice. But eventually I felt like their whole motivation seemed a little misguided. They seemed like they really needed to believe in something in order to cope with their lives, and that was what concerned me about them over anything else. They seemed perplexed that anybody could live without religious faith, though they never held my lack of it against me - at least not to my faith anyway. They gave me one of their bibles and I got a lift home from one of them, since their night of walking around talking to people was over. They seemed grateful for my interest, though I feel like a deceiver for being so thoroughly agnostic. I don't really believe in a God enough to base my life around it, but I hope that he's cool with that. I'll be pissed if he isn't, and he's actually just a really self important guy who doesn't like it when people don't praise him. 

But yeah, point is, I find faith in anything interesting. I don't understand how people can have faith in something without proof or validation. I'm not assertive enough to get off the fence on anything, and I think that can be a weakness when it comes to matters of confidence and self certainty.

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Posted

I could tell that you were anxious about posting this in part because of how you safeguarded yourself at the end by saying you don't expect replies or likes; in a sort of self preservation tactic to feel less disappointed if you didn't get a satisfying. I like noticing behavior like that, because I can totally relate. People can get pretty tied up trying to deny their need for validation, but most people need that security to ensure peace of mind.

Teto likes this

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Posted

Ah, that's just me projecting too much again then lmao. Nooo problem.

_17chan likes this

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Posted

nah, don't worry! i've done what you mentioned before, so you're not too far off! ;P

 

Teto likes this

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Posted

Hey, I'm glad you posted this. and I'm even happier that you're doing okay. I know we don't know each other well other than some random chat interactions, but this was a nice scope of your life and like Teto said, I know more about you now.

this really got me:

you can have a lavish exciting wealthy life and still feel like there's nothing for you. it doesn't matter the life you live, it's how you feel. but no matter what life you live, you're important and there are people out there who care for you. 

while I'm not exactly living a lavish or exciting life and I do live with my parents, because I don't make a lot of money, I just think of how this is how I felt last weekend. I'm terribly lonely. my best friends moved far away and my only friends are from work, and even then they're older and are married or are married and have young kids. and we're always so busy with work, like any spare time I have is devoted to eating or sleeping. it's not like I don't have anyone to talk to, I interact with around 150 students and 10-20 faculty everyday, but I don't have friends to shoot the shit with or a someone to go to the gym with or anything. I really felt this last weekend, when it was my birthday, and I was overcome with this crippling sense of loneliness. and then I realized that a part of me might be depressed. 

it's a bad place to be. and I want out, but there's not much I can do to change my situation until I make more money. 

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Posted

Hey, I'm glad you posted this. and I'm even happier that you're doing okay. I know we don't know each other well other than some random chat interactions, but this was a nice scope of your life and like Teto said, I know more about you now.

this really got me:

while I'm not exactly living a lavish or exciting life and I do live with my parents, because I don't make a lot of money, I just think of how this is how I felt last weekend. I'm terribly lonely. my best friends moved far away and my only friends are from work, and even then they're older and are married or are married and have young kids. and we're always so busy with work, like any spare time I have is devoted to eating or sleeping. it's not like I don't have anyone to talk to, I interact with around 150 students and 10-20 faculty everyday, but I don't have friends to shoot the shit with or a someone to go to the gym with or anything. I really felt this last weekend, when it was my birthday, and I was overcome with this crippling sense of loneliness. and then I realized that a part of me might be depressed. 

it's a bad place to be. and I want out, but there's not much I can do to change my situation until I make more money. 

i understand that. i'm sorry you felt that... i know it may mean next to nothing to you, but i'm here if you ever want to speak! if you want to vent, or tell a story, or talk about your day, maybe? or you could message me and say "hey it's my birthday!" and i guarantee you i'll respond and want to chat. :)

i know it's important to have people in person. online friends are great, but of course it feels good to interact with people outside of the internet. however, i also learned that some of my BEST interactions with people were online AND even on this site / in the IRC chat. you'll get out of your funk soon. and until you reach the point you want where you've made enough money, i'm here! and i'm sure lots of others are here too who care about you!

that goes for ALL of you, by the way. :) <3

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Posted

Hey, I'm glad you posted this. and I'm even happier that you're doing okay. I know we don't know each other well other than some random chat interactions, but this was a nice scope of your life and like Teto said, I know more about you now.

this really got me:

while I'm not exactly living a lavish or exciting life and I do live with my parents, because I don't make a lot of money, I just think of how this is how I felt last weekend. I'm terribly lonely. my best friends moved far away and my only friends are from work, and even then they're older and are married or are married and have young kids. and we're always so busy with work, like any spare time I have is devoted to eating or sleeping. it's not like I don't have anyone to talk to, I interact with around 150 students and 10-20 faculty everyday, but I don't have friends to shoot the shit with or a someone to go to the gym with or anything. I really felt this last weekend, when it was my birthday, and I was overcome with this crippling sense of loneliness. and then I realized that a part of me might be depressed. 

it's a bad place to be. and I want out, but there's not much I can do to change my situation until I make more money. 

Spooky, this is like exactly me. I've gotten a promotion at work which is nice but ultimately lead to me interacting a lot less, practically none, with the teachers and students of this district which I enjoyed a lot. Always gave me something to look forward to and tried my best to make their (anyone's) day.

I'm a pretty shy person IRL which has led to me not having been in a relationship with anyone. Now my friends from high school and earlier are off getting married, with some having kids. Kind of makes you think what you're going to do with your life.

But alas, a good friend of mine always says "Make it a great day," which I really particularly like simply because in the end we are alive in such a world that right now to our knowledge is completely unique. Our lives can be miserable, but this is just part of life and something everyone experiences, and can be changed by putting your mind to something and just DOING IT.

"JUST DO IT" - Shia LaBeouf

If anyone would like my cell # to text me feel free to PM me.

_17chan likes this

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