My Name is Mo and I Have a Problem.

[Treemotan 201]

And it's a problem I really, really should be aware of enough to deal with by now, but apparently I never learn.

I have this thing that happens when I play games that score you based on performance. Specifically, rhythm games (seeing as those are some of the few games I'm actually good at). I do this thing where I end up getting to the point where I score really high, close-to-perfect, and I get to thinking, "Hey, I'm pretty awesome. If I try this a couple more times, I could get a perfect score!" 

And then I try.

And then I try again.

And then I keep trying but keep getting the same result of near-perfection, that single "SAFE" amongst the "COOL"s, or "GOOD"s or "PERFECT"s boring its way into my psyche and resonating in my mind like a thousand angry cats' claws mercilessly and chaotically decimating a poor, hapless chalkboard that's already down on its luck due to forced unemployment because the district found it more efficient to switch to SmartBoards. And honestly, it drives me kind of mad. It meshes with my hyper-competitive nature, ego, and my fear of failure in the worst kind of way, and I end up obsessively playing and replaying until I achieve the perfection that never comes. I'll reset if I get a single note or make a single misstep that breaks the combo or costs me valuable time that will affect my score. I'll play until my hands physically start seizing up in their own attempt at protesting my psychotic fixation on succeeding in this endeavor that the competitive side of my brain has decided is important. I'll still tend to needs, sure. I'll go to work, eat, sleep, clean, go out with friends and Shrubs, spend time alone with Shrubs, all that good stuff.

But the moment I have free time and no other obligations, it's back to my horrible, misguided attempt at proving to myself that I am, in fact, actually good at some types of games only to be tripped up constantly by the fact that I am a human and thus capable of screwing up. And that my repeated attempts tire me and cause me to mess up more frequently but my stubborn and competitive nature refuse to let me give up and it becomes a vicious cycle. And yet this all somehow fails to compute and I end up redoing the song so many times that my boyfriend starts to cringe when he hears me open the pause menu over our Skype call.

Honestly, it's the reason I never make progress in most of the other games I've recently purchased.

puppy you, Project Diva F 2nd.