*Bash head bash head bash head bash head*

[Sahaqiel 1232]

OK.

So, I was planning on asking someone I like, who, I swear, is the most PERFECT person that I have ever met. She's just amazing. I would evaluate on this, but that would take too long and expose my already sensitive feelings.

Anyways, I ask her out yesterday, (Tuesday) to the movies. (Keep in mind this is the first time I've ever asked someone out... I'm a bit fragile in this area) She replies that she would go!

But if only that were the only thing she said...

She said she'd go as a friend.

Now, she's like, always busy. I dunno if I'd call her an overachiever, but she's rarely available for communication. I agreed, just grateful she didn't hate me and that I'd just get to know her possibly, (Even though I would have to go to a "chick flick" with her) but a bunch of things are coursing through my mind and hopelessness is starting to set in. Before you say, "It's all in your head!" There's other stuff that's been beating me over the head with a Hope-Draining Stick

[Eka 387]

Ok, Saha, you know I'm not an expert in this area (regarding my, 'sigh' topic), but I can try to help and give advice wherever I can!

Hmm... well, I can tell you that at least a quarter of what you're thinking is in your head (please don't hate me for saying that.). And she didn't turn you down to go to the movies, so that's good!

Who knows! Maybe the next couple times you ask her out, she may just want to go with you alone.

You know, you're lucky. You at least have the courage to ask someone out. With me, it's like if I like someone, I'm too scared to ask 'em out, and I just go on with everyday life. Bleh, sucks to be me. xP

And even if I did summon up some sliver of courage I found deep inside me to ask someone out, they'd turn me down.

[Ryu 7]

coo, CG is vewing this she's half expert in this area she's good at giving OTHER people advice,not herself though....only because it's WAY easier to tell someone about it than actually doing it....

EDIT: she decided not to post...sorry Saha.....im not good either way good luck though!

[PokeFan 0]

ok, i can hold me hyperness long enough for one single normal post.

most of the "oh no, she probably hates me thing' is in your head, just like sairia said. hmm. just remember that she accepted your invitation. if she hated or pityed you she wouldn't have said yes in the first place.

[Heir_to_Hyrule 0]

Alright, a few things you need to keep in mind about your situation.

1) Your previous relationship is a huge factor. Was asking whatsername out just a REALLY random occurrance for her? Is it something she could've seen coming? If it was the former, that could be a problem. If you're still in grade-school, in order to lay the foundations for a potentially serious and successful relationship, a previous relationship needs to be built before that. What I mean is that you really need to create a strong friendship before you have a chance at starting a relationship (or at least one that means anything). I mean you always hear "don't go out with your friends", but that really means from your direct friends, your main circle of friends. It means you and her hang out with all the same people. THAT'S what you want to avoid. But dude, if you are just mild-acquaintances who randomly say "hi" in the hallway, you don't want to start something. You both need to really feel comfortable with eachother. I don't mean physically or anything. I just mean you both could just be in a room alone, sitting on a couch, and be totally chill with eachother. It isn't some awkward adolescent thing, you're both just cool with eachother, open with eachother (to a degree), and honest. THEN you have the potential to start a relationship. But she needs to know who you are before she can feel fine about going out on a date with you. And just as importantly, you need to know who she is.

2) Her friends are going to play a big role in your chances. This is something something a lot of people overlook, and then you get the relationship that has no future and ends in a month. You need to create as strong a bond with her friends as you do with her. Because in the end, you are going to need to ask for their help before asking her out. They're going to know before she does, and it's them who will help you get your chance. Obviously, if she went straight to her friends about this situation, she's close with them about this stuff, and chances are, they definitely have a say in her actions. Simple rule: A girl's friends need to give the 'OK' for all relationships. This isn't some super-romantic "I don't care what anyone else says! I'm saying yes!" scenario here. I'm sorry, it's not going to happen (although that would be totally awesome). She's in grade school. Chances are, she's self-conscious and her friends' approval is more important than her own happiness. The same thing as my first point. THEY need to be cool with you. You need to be able carry on a fairly solid conversation with her two closest friends, and build a friendship with THEM. And don't make the girl the 'favorite'. It can't be obvious that you're trying to get closer to her because then they know what you're doing. Show her and them that you're a nice guy. That you're not some pre-pubescent creep, they'll feel fine with their friend going out with you, and she will too. I don't mean randomly walk up to her while she's with like 3 of her friends and try to join in the conversation. One-on-one and two-on-one time is the most important opportunity for building a relationship.

3) This really related to points 1 and 2, but it's important. Take an interest! Get to know her, and her friends. Don't talk about yourself too much unless they ask. I mean it's cool when you're talking about vacations or something and you say "ya I went there" or whatever, but don't sound like you're handing in a dating service application. Sounds retarded, but it's true. Be a nice guy, and get to know them. This sounds redundant, but it's too damn important.

4) If she wants to go as a friend, go as a friend. You're making it obvious on here that this is frustrating you beyond belief. Don't do that... Don't let this get to you. Chill out, kid. I don't mean be like "The Fonz" or anything. Don't try to act like "hot poo" or whatever because trust me, people who do that look like bigger retards than if they didn't. Just be fine with her choice to go as friends. Her friends ask you what's going on? Straight up, you asked her out, she wanted to go as friends, so you're going as friends. That's all there is to it. Don't try to sound cool or try to twist the situation in your favor or anything. Don't delve deep into the details of what's going on. That's the situation. And you have to accept that situation. You're going as friends. Don't try to make a move, don't have holding her hand in the back of your mind. Focus on what's going on then and there. You're there as friends. So treat her like a friend. Talk to her like a friend, not as someone who has a crush.

5) Talk! You have a different opinion? Express it. But don't be arrogant. Allow conversation to happen. Respect her opinion and she'll respect yours. Don't be afraid to disagree. I mean don't come out and say "I LOVE YOU!" or anything. I just mean discuss matters of your lives, your opinions, your ideas. Make this outing worthwhile and interesting for the both of you.

6) Courtesy. Be a nice guy. I mean this may sound like it's contradicting the last point, but still be a gentleman. Not because you're trying to get her to like you, but because you genuinely want to be a nice guy. Hell, offer to pay for the movie. Afterall, it was your idea. And you're not being a gentlemen to get her to like you. You're just trying to be a gentlemen. People can always complain "Girls can pay for dinner once in a while! God!" But even then, once in a while, it's still nice to see someone who will treat a woman properly and with respect. And for the love of God, give her her space! Don't be running around her like a rabid dog. SO many people do this. She's texting someone on her phone? That's her business, not yours. You both are just there to hang out.

lol, y'know, the day I asked out this one girl, Leesa, I was with her and acouple friends. It was basically a "farewell day" because one of her closest friends was moving to Hawaii, and that was to be their final day together. I was really close with her friend too, so I was invited to hang out with the 4 of them in the mall, followed by wandering around China Town. Both me and Leesa wanted to get ice cream, so while her friends were finishing their lunch we went over to the Ice Cream shop. I ordered and she ordered, and while she was rummaging through her purse, I paid for both of them. I didn't even know she was going to pay. I just figured since I offered the idea, I should pay. It wasn't a conscious action. I just did it out of kindness (not to sound self-righteous or anything). She looks up with me holding her ice cream and a surprised look on her face. It's funny, to this day she still reminds me once in a while about that. Oh, and we've been together for over a year and half, and with no end in sight. It's nice to know how far a simple act of kindness can go.

But this is the most important piece of advice I can give you.........

7) Dude, you're still young. I hate to ruin your fantasy, but it's only a fantasy. She probably is the perfect person, but that doesn't mean she's the perfect person for you. Have fun. Don't bog yourself down in needless stresses of relationships. We've all fallen in love with that person who we suddenly thought was "the one", and we haven't even gone out yet. Hell, I wasted a year and a half in high school pining over this one girl Caitlin (who I'm still friends with btw). But I didn't even realize it, but the girl of my dreams was there all along, standing on the side for months. And in a few months, Leesa and I are both moving to Vancouver together for school, and we've already started looking for places together. It's been the best year and a half of my life, and I never would have seen it coming.

No matter what you believe the perfect situation is, fate has a funny way of throwing what you think is meant to be, out the window. In its place, if you become accepting and honest with yourself and with what happens, and don't let yourself get depressed or downed in something, what is truly meant to be will reveal itself. I know it sounds like something from a cartoon, but it's true. To quote a character from Avatar: The Last Airbender (that show has a lot of good advice.... and it's all from the same character... it's kind of cool):

"If you keep an open mind, and an open heart, your true destiny will be revealed."

Sounds like typical cartoon 'destiny' stuff right? But it couldn't be more truthful. She doesn't want a relationship? That's just the way it is. Don't go all dark and depressed because of it. I mean seriously, would you really want her to be in a relationship that she doesn't want to be in? Unless you're a psychopath, probably not. But if you don't close yourself off and just accept the world around you and your situation, and take the world on head-first, you'll find something better. I promise.

[Cockwaffle 0]

That's why I gave up a long time ago.

Wait until College. My sister didn't get a good steady boyfriend until college.

They met her second year and have been dating for like 5 or 6.

[Musicale Personna 0]

Saha, my advice may sound like crap, but I think it's important to get a female view on this too. Some girls find it really annoying when a guy tries to act all macho and do everything for them and more, some think it's really irritating when they get no space and independence (i.e. not paying for their own stuff, not being able to talk with friends [if there], etc.), some hate it when there are constant questions and no opinions coming from the guy. Like forcing her to choose the movie, asking her about non-surface stuff in the first few minutes of conversation, etc. If you want to talk about something, don't just suddenly start talking about it. Let's pretend that you wanted to talk about a book. Ask her if she's into books. If she is, ask her about the author, genre, or even if she's heard of the book. If she says yes, then you can talk to her more about it (BUT DON'T BE A FREAK ABOUT IT!!!); if she says no, then tell her more about it. Try not to overwhelm her with Q&A sessions and conversation. If it gets to be an awkward silence, break it by saying someething about the movie, or your popcorn, or the person in front of you, or the size of the crowd and how taht may mean the movie's good or bad. Just talk about something simple. NO interviews. Pets, books, movies, music, hobbies, favorite websites, stuff like that is good for getting into more conversation. Nothing about the personal life on the first "date" unless she starts it. Oh, and don't always start talking. Wait for a little while to see if she wants to say something, and don't interrupt her when she's telling a story or something.

If she has fun, ask her if she wants to go to another movie again sometime. Don't set a timespan; if she does want to see another movie, let her decide when to see it. If she doesn't want to go, then don't try to talk her into it too much. Ask her if she's sure, show her what movies will be playing, and if she sticcks with no, don't push it. ask her if she wants to do something else next week, and I mean ask her next week. Invite other people and tell her to bring her friends. It can be just a few of you going to the mall or a park or some other fun place. Try to remember what Heir_to_Hyrule said too. just the important stuff though. I don't want you to write it all down on your hand. That'd be humiliating!!!!!

[なべ 184]

Okay, Saha. I'm here for you.

But all humour aside, I have some actual relevant things to say.

First, Heir_to_Hyrule's post was very intelligent, and if you don't listen to me, then you should definitely follow his advice.

My ideas are less positive, I'll tell you now, but I'm not selling it as the truth. If what I say doesn't grab you, that's fine, because his advice is much better.

(Heir_to_Hyrule, you've been at these forums longer than me, you're Canadian, and you have less posts than me. So I have, like,

[Max 10]

I thought Saha was asexual. Oh man.

Necroposting is fun :DDDD

[Teto 2609]

\o/

[PrimaGaga 1025]

Yea, Min, so did I.... Wait, am I breaking the rules here??

[Max 10]

No. But I was :3

I think

[Hiro Protagonist 0]

She seems a bit awkward near me (Or maybe the other way around? Probably both.) Hoping to overcome this if I ever do go with her.

According to common dating protocol, this implies that she is either nervous of embarrasing herself in front of you or afraid that the school will ridicule her for going out with you. I hope that it is the first.

[Arcane 12]

Doc, this was 2 years ago. Read the posts above you or check timestamps please kthx

[pheonix561 2080]

Well, its alive now, so...

JAREDDUDE

notice how he opened his love thread with how he was just about to ask her out? how he wasn't about to whine about whether or not he was going to do it for four months?