Bloodpath-Life of a sage.

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

Before reading the story, please read the information directly below.

Anything in ( ) is a thought of mine, I like to do this, to show you what is going through my head as I write. Another thing, some of the characters in this story have roles completely off the Zelda games. Note that thought this story, bronze is an incredible toxin to spirits.

Extra info, allows you to get a very basic information about the plot and characters.

Basically showing you what happened before the Twili were banished. In this story the Twili were not human, but were Spirits, therefore they could be summoned. Midna, however is in adult form, as she is not cursed. Sara, a very short lived character, is not the one from OOT. Artemis, is the main character, as Link is not here in this area in time. Soloris is a minor demon Artemis saved. He found him in a cemetery, with a bronze knife in his back

Chapter 1

The teak door of his workshop is kicked open. The rain and hail pour in through the door, only for a second, as the wind rustles the delicate charts and incarnations on the table.

"You killed her!" He yelled, as the door slams, and cracks.

"What?" "Calm down, and tell me what happened, Artemis" Sara calmly replied.

Artemis, enraged, practically jumped into the pentacle, and yelled the incarnation(The words for a spell, or a summons). The planes shuddered, as a glowing wolf emerged from the opposite pentacle. He commanded it, and promptly, it walked to the corner.

He got up, pulled his sword from the sheath on his side, held it in front of him, as he walked forward, Sara stepped back, until she reached the wall. Artemis's sword tip is poking her stomach, and she has nowhere to run.

"My djinni, (Pronounced [jinny]) Midna," Artemis yells, his voice backed by fury," This is her sword. When I grabbed it, I felt the power of an ancient curse. This curse was long forgotten, and only resides on one object- the Chaotic Blade, which is located on that shelf up there. Let us see who has touched it.....Soloris, fetch my onyx globes."

The wolf darts to the cabinet, and picks up two onyx globes. The globes are taken to Artemis, who says incarnation. An image is formed of Sara taking down the blade.

"Fear justice!" Artemis yells, as the blade is thrust through her. Sort of. The vicious curved blade of the weapon absorbs her, and glows brilliantly, as the blade works its magic, removing her from the memory of all who have seen or heard her. The glow dies down.

Chapter 2.

"Soloris, I charge you to open the gate to the other realm; I must find Midna. And fetch my protective charms, would you?"

"Yes, master," the wolf says, as a foggy phantom's head appears in front of the wolf. The head lets loose a bloodcurdling scream, and a portal opens and the head vanishes as fast as it appeared. The wolf proceeds to get the charms from the bowl on the floor, and brings them to Artemis.

Atremis enters the portal. He squeezes his charms, as he finds himself in a world that looks like the inside of some black hole. Only it was slightly more colorful, and with a lot of spirits everywhere. He proceeds to walk to a second portal. He finds himself in a realm of light. The realm is filled with color, and very strange. It changes constantly, almost swirled. He searches, only to find a strange stone box labeled "Records"

He opens it, and finds Midna's death has not been recorded, meaning she is possibly still alive. He sighs, knowing it is easier to bring a spirit back to life than it is to cure a curse. He exits this realm, and returns to Earth. He takes the Chaotic blade, and smashes it, knowing it will break the curse.

He then goes to the drawers, and finds his black charm. He enters the pentacle, drops the charm into the bowl of herbs, and summons, to his surprise, Midna. Her essence is in shambles. Her body appears as if it is made of slime. There are holes in her magic. He has a servant summon some imps, and he feeds them to her, hoping the nourishment will help repair her essence.

Chapter 3

After dismissing Midna, Artemis breaks down in tears. He realizes that, Sara was not the only one behind this. It

Edited 12 Oct 2008 by Doubleagent (see edit history)

[Goron Merchant 1]

This is really well-written. Sort of complicated though. A lot to follow. Like Sara was killed off almost as soon as she was introduced.

Are you going to involve the Ceremonial Twilight Armor that Zant wears, or Zant? Those would be cool to throw in as more of a tie-in to the game. Is the Chaotic Blade the sword that Zant thrust into Stallord's head?

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

honestly, The chaotic Blade is a good one, im gonna add a poll on that. Tell me ur vote(But you wont vote in poll), ill count it as 2 votes

[Goron Merchant 1]

I changed my mind. The Sword of the Accursed would be cooler. And it fits with the title better.

Assuming that by that you mean the sword that the sages would use to end the life of convicts.

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

Im not re-naming it, im using the poll so I can add a history to it...

[Goron Merchant 1]

No, I mean your title mentions sages, so it would make sense if it was the sage's sword.

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

The sword belongs to Artemis, who is a sage. The sword did not come from a sage, nor did Artemis make the sword. Artemis found the sword.

Edited 6 Aug 2008 by Doubleagent (see edit history)

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

Hey, dont wanna throw more grabage in at the top of my story so...Could a mod please change the subtitle to "New content added daily!" Leave out the quotes. Thx.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Will do...

But you must realize, before I review, that you misspelled "Twili"...

Sahaqiel

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

Should I copyright this?

[Alex Arbiter 3]

i like it fantastic piece

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Can't copyright fan fiction. The characters and their likenesses aren't your property.

DISCLAIMER.

I RATE YOUR FAN FICTION ON THE BASIS OF CERTAIN THINGS, WHICH ARE, BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO, REGULAR GRAMMAR STRUCTURE, PLOT STRUCTURE, AND LOGICAL STRUCTURE. THIS IS IN NO WAY AN INSULT TO YOUR SKILLS AS A WRITER, BUT A THOUGHTFUL PROCEEDING I WILL USE TO TRY TO HELP YOU GET BETTER AT WRITING IN THE NEAR FUTURE. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY YOU HAVE PEOPLE LIKE ME TO CORRECT ANY MISTAKES OR INCONSISTENCIES, AND THAT I TOOK THE TIME TO WRITE SUCH A REVIEW. I DO NOT INTEND TO BE HARSH OR MEAN, AND WILL ONLY STATE OPINION AND FACT HONESTLY TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY. PLEASE NOTE THAT SINCE MY REVIEWS ARE NORMALLY MASSIVE, I DO NOT INTEND TO REVIEW PAST THE FIRST CHAPTER, OR EVEN READ PAST THE FIRST CHAPTER IF THIS STORY MAKES ME LOSE INTEREST IN IT. BY READING A SINGLE WORD IN THIS YOU AGREE TO NOT GET ANGRY AT ME AND GO AROUND RATING MY POPULAR FICS LOW LIKE SOME PEOPLE.

The teak door of the workshop is kicked open. The rain and hail pour in through the door, only for a second, as the wind rustles the delicate charts and incarnations on the table.

"You killed her!" He yelled, as the door slams, and cracks.

"What?" "Calm down, and tell me what happened, Artemis" Sara calmly replied.

Artemis, enraged, practially jumped into the pentacle, and yelled the incarnation. The planes shuddered, as a glowing wolf emerged from the opposite pentacle. He commanded it, and promptly, it walked to the corner.

He got up, pulled his sword from the seath on his side, held it in front of him, as he walked foreward, Sara stepped back, until she reached the wall. Artemis's sword tip is poking her stomach, and she has nowhere to run.

Speech requires punctuation too. "Look. See?" Please put your works into MS Word or Firefox to check for spelling mistakes. You misspelled practically, sheath, forward. Pentacle as in pentagram, the star within the circle normally considered a sign of protection or a Satanic symbol? Also, you switch between past and present tense a lot. Keep it one way, please.

My djinni,(Pronounced [jinny]) Midna!" "This is her sword. When i grabbed it, I felt the power of an ancient curse. This curse was long forgotten, and only resides on one object- the Chaotic Blade, which is located, on that shelf up there. Let us see who has touched it.....Soloris, fetch my onyx globes."

When dialogue starts between two characters, you must start a new paragraph each time the other speaks. Like so.

"Hello."

"Greetings."

Please capitalize "i". The comma before "on that shelf" isn't necessary. Ellipses (The little ... things) consist of only three periods, and require a space after them.

The wolf darts to the cabinet, and picks up 2 onyx globes. The globes, are taken to Artemis, who says an incarnation, and an image is formed, of Sara taking down the blade.

In writing, normally any number under ten must be written out. Otherwise, it looks like you were just lazy. The comma before "are taken to Artemis" is unnecessary. I think you mean incantation instead of "incarnation". An incarnation is a representation or embodiment of something else. The comma before "of Sara" is not supposed to be there.

"Fear justice!" Artemis yells, as the blade is thrust through her. Sort of. The viscous curved blade of the weapon absorbs her, and glows brilliantly, as the blade works its magic, removing her from the memory of all who have seen or heard her. The glow dies down.

Please put a comma after your quoted text. "Sort of" isn't exactly what you want in scenery of your writing. It's like putting a sofa in the middle of a field. I think you mean vicious instead of "viscous", which is a totally different word.

Your first chapter is really mixed up. I have no

fs*k

ing idea what is happening.

It switches from first person to third person suddenly and nobody's named very much at all.

A lot of this seems pretty cliche as well, what with the psychic viewing and the magical erasing of every trace.

I have to thank you, though... My review was extremely shorter than most.

I thank you for having short chapters. I might actually read another to see what was happening, because I honestly don't see what's going on.

In any case, I don't really see anything too captivating or original anywhere.

The grammatical errors also make it a bit of a chore to read, but it's better than many I've seen.

I'm just going to let you guess what my opinion is by yourself...

Sahaqiel

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

I know the first two chapters have awful grammer. They were originally written by me for another community. That community is not so strict about that kind of stuff. But it will be fixed.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Actually, our fan fic community isn't really so strict. This is actually one of the most lenient story boards I've ever seen on the internet.

It's more me who... Well, not necessarily spazzes... But it's about only me who tries to be 100% truthful and tries to work towards improving the author instead of just telling them how good or bad I think it is.

I don't see anything wrong with that, yeah?

Sahaqiel

[Wicker Basket 2]

I lost interest after the first 2 chapters. Going with Saha's "disclaimer," you need to work on it.