Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

3 years later ... the new beginning

7 posts in this topic

Posted

This Is from Link's Perspective so :P Don't get Confused cuz you might wonder I? Who is I? lol and KAfei is an Adult in this so he looks grown up in this so u can picture it better in your mind

It's been 3 years since Iv'e been here,

Clocktown, Oh boy... the memories and EVRYONE was there people from hyrule, clocktown EVRYONE

Iwas walking at a slow pace and stoped , oh my god its that Stupid god damn Effing dog again, I remember this thing, it used to bark all day , all night, try to lick me when I was a Zora , tried to KILL me when I was a deku and got its scary owner to beat me with a stick when I was a Goron. God I wanted to kick this little mofo so hard and watch it fly but they would prbly sue me for 1000 ruppies :unsure: Oh well, just keep walking hopefully it doesn't remember me. I opened the doors to the clock tower to see my old friend "the happy mask salesman", He never told me his name and he always scared the crap out of me uggggh he was a one of the kind Creeper

"hey HMS whats up"

"WHERE'S MY MASK!!!" :fear:

"AHHHH I GAVE IT BACK TO YOU DON'T KILL ME!"

"Oh ... Right ... Sorry!, my memory is a little bad after that little Menace hit me upon my head *weird hms laugh*"

"O_O .... right.... How's buissness at the marketplace?"

"good, I met a purple flying unicorn the other day he was very very nice ^_^"

"Ummm....O_O...yeah... about that.... tell your crack dealer I said Hi ..:S"

"Will Do ^_^"

"Bye Happy Mask Salesman *cough*maybe a little TOO happy*cough*"

"WHAT!" *scary face*

"O_O NOTHING" *runs out*

Close call, he may have done something Illegal to me like he did that one time when I was a Deku Oh Ma Gawd those memories will haunt me for the rest of my life :S

I walked on saw my old friend the postman he woulden't talk to me thoughbecause hes needs to "keep to the schedual" haha good ol' postman ^_^

I went to East clock town and entered the Stock pot Inn

"Hey Anju How's life"

"Great ^_^ Haven't seen you in a while how's your life"

"Same Old, Same Old fighting some weird thing that may kill me any second to "save the world" you know what I mean?"

"haha yeah ..Oh the baby just kicked ^_^"

"Yeah how many months now?"

"7 just a couple to go and little Ivy is born ^_^"

"How is KAfei latley"

-A Tall Muscular Purple haired man walks in the room-

"Woah.... Kafei What the hell? I thought you looked like you were 7?"

"Nope Fixed that Link ;) haha"

"Oh Well my best regardes to your family I still have to see a couple of faces around town see what's going on"

"the bombers are in highschool now , you know that right"

"OH MY ....NO WAY! are they still innocent and good?"

"they robbed the milk bar -.-"

"HAHAHAHAHAH Oh MY!"

"I'ts not Funny -.-"

"Sorry :S"

"well have fun :)"

"I will ;)" - I winked at them and left the building

I stepped outside and went to north clock town

I saw another creeper friend of mine

...TINGLE

I poped his ballon

he fell

"Greetings my fairy friend KIMPOOLAHWTFINEEDALIFE! LUCKY LUCKY YOUR SO LUCKY"

"Um... YEAH... how's life?"

-Tingle rubbs my shoulder with his dirty nasty gross wrinkly hands-

"heh heh heh I like Pudding :D"

"mhmm sounds interesting"

" :D"

":S Im gonna go now"

" I LOVE YOU LINK I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!!!"

*Runs off to fairy fountain*

"hahahha Must I heal your wounds?"

";) mhmmm soft and nice just the way I like it ;)"

"Ugh Link your such a perve, I may dress like a hoe cuz I'm a huge fairy! nothing fits me except for hooker clothes? :S I don't know why?"

":P just playin' How's life Fairy?"

"Tough all these weirdos come in looking for some action it gets annoying"

"HAHA okay like who?"

"The Mayor, Those grumpy peto brothers from the ranch and that weird ass smelly fish guy"

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAH Okay"

"LINK IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"okay! how many times have I heard that Today? "

"2 link 2"

"heh well bye Sexy ;)"

"UGHH! :@"

-I laughed at my self-

what a Charmer I am

I won so many girls over

speaking of girls where is Cremia?

I haven't seen her since god knows when

I looked all ove rand found her

"Hey baby"

"ugh link what is it I have no time I must put the magic ingredient in this milk to make it magic"

" I just wanted to say hi calm yourself!"

"Hi now BYE!"

*cough* PMSING! *cough*

"WHAT!!!!!!"

"nothing"

*runs away to music box house*

"Hi Pamela Where's Daddy?"

"Daddy Downstairs, He Working, Don't Disturb!"

"okie dokie!"

"hey music box man whats up"

"Oh nothing"

- he turned around his eyes glowing red- Oh crap hes a vampire now-

NO! *plays song of healing*

"THANK YOU LINK! you saved me again!"

"your welcome"

:)

I went outside and jumped a couple of ledges till I saw that Effing Douche Sakon again

I sacked him :)

he was rolling on the ground

I felt good :)

I went back to the town and visited a couple of others boy things have changed... then I saw her... the girl of my dreams...Zelda

"Hey Zelda"

"Hey Link"

"Um... Tonights the thingy of the time and thingy and um yeah and uh..."

"I'll come with you link :)"

":D thanks :D"

"no problem I mean you did save my life and all"

"see u at 8 then?"

"yep :D"

"Later babe :P"

"bye Link ;)"

YES!!!! a date with Zelda Life couldent get any better :D

Oh gawd... its Skull Kid... HEY hes so awsome with his little fairy buddys!

"HEY BROTHER WHATS UP!"

"hey Link hows the "saving the world" stuff"

"It's Alright how about u and that Deku princess I set you up with huh huh nice huh?;)"

"Heck yes! u gonna be at the carnival of Time Tonight?"

"Yep and guess with who?"

"Oh My Who!?"

"Zelda"

"ZELDA!!"

"Zelda"

"OH MY GOD U GOT A DATE WITH ZELDA!!"

"yeah ;)"

"WOOOW can't wait to see u there man!"

"l8er dude!"

3 hours later

I saw EVRYONE there we all talked and there she was in her gown of silky sexyness , her long blonde hair flowing in the light breeze, her blur eyes twinkleing in the twilight *sigh* To much for a guy to even dream of!

"hey Zelda"

"hey! whats up?"

"Oh nothing :P"

"the Carnival is starting!"

The Fireworks lit up the night sky, It was SO beautiful, next thing I know she grabs my head and Kisses me with so much passion, this has to be a dream , I pinched myself, It wasn't :)

Best Day Ever

after that I headed home ( where ever that was ) with my new beautiful girl and a new amazing life

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

What a classic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

RoflNaeb.

OK, EMF, believe me, I know you apparently tried really hard,

but I didn't read this.

I read this part:

"Clocktown, Oh boy... the memories and EVRYONE was there people from hyrule, clocktown EVRYONE" and the last paragraph.

OK, let me specify my reaction.

This statement,

"Clocktown, Oh boy... the memories and EVRYONE was there people from hyrule, clocktown EVRYONE"

that statement, right there...

As soon as I read that... I laughed. No, this wasn't a vague chuckle. This was high pitched, uncontrollable giggling and head-against-desk slamming. Like, no, there are not even words I could find to describe what my dad might have been thinking in the other room while this went on. I had to stop reading.

I am not being mean; this is the truth. I'm not going to check my forehead for a bruise, but I might be significantly less sharp the rest of tonight.

Alright, I'll just tell you my impressions.

For one, as I scrolled down to see how much you had written in what style,

Never (No wait, not enough emphasis) Never ever use emotes in your fan fictions.

Ever. This makes people like me bash their heads against their desks, because, some people actually make fan fictions meant to be taken seriously with something like "O_O" in the actual DIALOGUE.

Another thing. You need more description. You have too many one-lined strings of text in a ROW. I mean, if you broke it up, and maybe put in a bit of script where the characters speaking actually did something, then it would be a whole lot better. (For instance: Sahaqiel said, "You are mean to me." Nabeshin scoffed and replied with sarcasm, "Haha! But, I am the boss, so he is Gelbooru!" Sahaqiel frowned at this, and went into a corner to sob himself to sleep. Nabeshin laughed at this while pointing, making sure to be as difficult as he could be. "Time does not move in Termina! Silly fool!")

Your lack of description is evident without even having to read the thing.

A point of paramount importance: spell correctly. Jesus, I skimmed a bit and saw, "blur". That is a very odd way to say "blue". "Evryone" is actually spelled "Everyone".

If you need help, simply get Mozilla Firefox as your standard web browser; it has a built in spellcheck.

Or, if you're not allowed to get Firefox, put your works into Microsoft Word. But, if you did that, I'm not sure if you could take all the Christmas colors. =( (Red and green lines, etc. etc.)

Which brings me to my next point.

Stop capitalizing for emphasis. Try using italics, or even bolding. Underlining, maybe, but be sure to never capitalize. Caps are normally only used for when someone is shouting VERY LOUDLY in dialogue. (I'm talking, like, screaming or shouting like you just got stabbed in the foot) But, other times, never.

Also, avoid modern slang like it's made of razors and you have hemophilia. I mean, sure, it's lighthearted, but really?

Please don't take this offensively. This is only to make you get better. I typed this all so you could possibly get less people to hurt themselves at how funny they think your at least semiserious writing is.

Also, welcome to Hyrule.net, on behalf of the moderator team.

Sahaqiel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Don't listen to Saha, this is great. More of this please.

That said, when I tried to quote it, it told me there were too many emoticons, and the forum wouldn't allow me to post. I am not even joking.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

lol thank you I will try to stop with the emoticons I'm just so use to it tho , sorry and yes that was my first fan fiction so Sorry for the grammer and spelling mistakes , next time I will improve I promise , last I just really don't like that dog or that creeper the happy mask salesman so Very sorry

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

to much words my brain can't tke this much make it shorter i fellt wousie aftr but still good btw didn't read all of it :wacko:

shahar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Hey

Hey

Hey

I didn't tell you to give up.

Write moar.

Now.

Sahaqiel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.