Dealing with the Death of Another

[Eka 387]

So last February, my grandfather unfortunately passed away. My mom (as my Grandpa was her dad) was getting the brunt of the pain, as, well, it was her Dad. A few months of remaining in a grieving state eventually passed, and we got back to being a normal family again.

Eventually we were able to sell his house, and so we had to go through the home and take back anything we thought we needed to keep or throw out. I felt bad for my Mom and my Uncle, as they were the deciding factors since it was their home. Naturally, they were probably feeling rather depressed about the whole bit.

In short, we took back A LOT of things from the house, sold it, and put them in our garage.

Our car hasn't been in our garage since then (because its far too packed with stuff.)

Normally I hadn't exactly been too perturbed about this, until I, well, today.

My mom asked my Dad and I to move some things that were in the kitchen to the basement. These were my Grandpa's things that we hadn't really figured out how to organize. My mom hasn't set foot in our basement in a great number of years because she dislikes its coldness and how messy it always is (go figure, it my Dad's and my lair. xD) Anyways, so as I'm putting these things downstairs )they were all so heavy... o_e) I start to look around and realize how unbelievably cramped my basement playroom is. It sort of accumulated Grandpa's things over the weeks and now it REALLY looked messy to me. So much, that it actually bothered me.

Quite a bit.

So I finished (desperately) finding room for things and then took a quick scan around the room. I decided that I should pick out objects that I thought would have no trouble getting kicked out of this room. I didn't want to talk about any of Grandpa's stuff to my mom, so I went with stuff that was there before the new additions; an old treadmill, a Futon that hasn't been used since we have a replacement bed, two chairs covered in cat hair that no one sits in besides the cats etc.

I go upstairs and start talking about these items to my mom. I ask about the Futon, and she says maybe. I ask why, and she says that it might make a good couch. Well that would be true if we didn't already have a couch that we kept in the garage for 8 months to put in the basement eventually. I bypass talking about that couch in fear of making her feel hurt, so I move on to the next items. The two cat-hair ridden chairs: she says definitely! Ok, progress. I then mention the treadmill, and I hear another maybe.

Maybe? That thing hasn't been used in at least 5 years. I know that my Dad wants to put in a plasma screen TV downstairs, so I also mention the TV (assuming that it was our old broken one.) She says that we got rid of that broken TV and that was Grandpa's.

Whoops. =s

I say that its probably better to get a plasma if Dad's saving up for it, and she doesn't speak. She seems like she's going to tear up, but says nothing and walks away. I ask her when these things are going to be done, and she says she doesn't know.

We have a great number of tables and shelves in our garage that we kept that supposedly is meant to go downstairs, and there is honest-to-goodness NO ROOM in that basement. And mom just assumes there is and goes back to her work.

I am FUMING. Its been months, and on top of that, we can't move any furniture to the curb for pickup until SPRING because last pickup she wanted to keep those tables and shelves WHICH CAN'T FIT DOWNSTAIRS.

How long can one deal with this? I understand its difficult but dear God she just keeps avoiding it and piling it on us, and I'm FED UP with it.

O_E

[Jo-Bengt 0]

Well, it's her dad. Some people never get over stuff like that. Like, ever.

[pheonix561 2080]

Her dad died, and this is what she has to remember him by. This is clearly a difficult subject for her. If its really a big problem, its probably best if you take her into the basement and show her what its like down there, and ask her if she can find any of the really old things that she finds useless to get rid of.

[atlasmist radiofreak 0]

my grandfather didn't even go to my nanas funeral talk about a cold hearted barstard . now all he does is waste away in a small flat

[Max 10]

So basically your grandpa just died so you bitch to your mom, his daughter, about how all of his stuff gets in the way in your play room?

Really classy.

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

So basically your grandpa just died so you bitch to your mom, his daughter, about how all of his stuff gets in the way in your play room?

Really classy.

^What he said, except in a nice tone^

[Fortissimo 2]

Mothers work hard enough as it is.

You shouldn't push any more stress on her than she already has.

Well, no, I mean it wasn't like her dad died or anything, right guys?

Right?

Guys?

[Eka 387]

I'm not "bitching" to her. In my mind, I'm aggrivated with her actions. I don't say anything to her because I was brought up better than that, eesh. >:

Its just that her moping and bringing in MORE stuff to cram downstairs (which she believes can fit down there somehow) isn't helping anything. Yes it takes time to get back on your feet from something like this, but that doesn't mean that this can go on forever. At some point she just has to move on.

When my grandmother died she was much more depressed than she is now, and she did take some things back home. Did she sort them however? Yes, within 5 months.

I just... I just think that she shouldn't be stuck in the past like this. She won't move towards what her family wants to be done because she keeps thinking back too often.

I'd at least want her to help move/give away some stuff. I mean we can't move anything if we don't know if she wants us to keep or toss it! So she has to step up to the plate and at least TRY to help out, because that basement can't fit anything else down there.

Of course I don't want to put any more stress on her, but this is something she NEEDS to do. If she;s busy with cleaning, I'll clean the house while she sorts! Stuff just can't fit down there and we need room.

[Roc 8]

You reminded me of an awesome show I got hooked on. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoarders

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather, and I'm sorry your mom can't let go. D: