LoZ OoT: The Forgotten Dead of Hyrule

[Eka 387]

Could MODs please move this to the fan fiction section? Before, you read this, I would just like to say that THIS IS NOT MY FAN FICTION! A friend of mine was having trouble getting on Hyrule.net for the past couple of weeks, and his brother made this LoZ fan fiction which he really wanted everyone here to see/read. He gave me the link, so click the link and read on, or you can just read it here, I copied the Chapter for him. So I repeat, THIS IS NOT MY FAN FICTION! Ok, g'head. Oh, and it takes place in OoT before Ganondorf's reign, I think.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3892249/1/The_..._Dead_of_Hyrule

The Forgotten Dead of Hyrule

Chapter I

Pacing through his chamber a man mumbled to himself. His name was Arone General of the armies of Hyrule. He is above average of height with arms and shoulders that belong to the strongest of blacksmiths, he had a mix of brown/black hair; his eyes are blue with hints of green mixed in or sea/blue some call it. Most women see him as handsome but women were always a mystery to him. For the past week he is trying to see a connection of what the messages from scouts and peasants about

[Negation 1]

One word: Tense.

His name was Arone General of the armies of Hyrule. He is above average of height

First you opened the story as being in the past, but then messed up by saying it was also in the present. Next time keep it past tense. Anyway, it's a good story, and with a little work it could become a masterpeice!

[Eka 387]

One word: Tense.

First you opened the story as being in the past, but then messed up by saying it was also in the present. Next time keep it past tense. Anyway, it's a good story, and with a little work it could become a masterpeice!

It's not my story lol, it's my friend's brother's fan fiction. But I'm sure he appreciated the constructive critisism.

[Knockdown 0]

still its really good