The Legend of Zelda The Puppet Master

[Shiny Sword 0]

Chapter 0: ....Intro....

Link opened the door to Zelda's bed chamber, not knowing what to expect. He layed a hand on the master sward as if to re-asure himself that it was still there. He looked around the splended chamber He noticed something that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. It was Blood. Small droplets of it clustered by the window. He walked over to it. Suddenly the door snapped shut.

"Welcome Link....we've been execting you."

It was Gannondorf.

Edited 22 Jul 2008 by Shiny Sword (see edit history)

[Bolero Of Fire 0]

sounds cool

[elvenprincess 0]

that's it I loved it but you've gotta write more!!! Please!!!

[Shiny Sword 0]

Hi everyone. the reason for the shortness is because its just an intro (and I'm to lazy to type like 10 pages) chapter 1 will be posted in the same way (but a little bit longer)

keep posting

-Shiny Sword-

Edited 11 May 2008 by Shiny Sword (see edit history)

[Shiny Sword 0]

okay

chapter 1 part 1!

Zelda sat the edge of the ledge in the cavern that is the home of the spirit Hylia.

" what must I do to re-build my kingdom?" she asked the spirit. " the castle is destroyed, the town below nearly that.

" I'm no sage," he replied " but it seems to me, that you begin repairs, however expencive it may be."

"yes, yes that does seem to be the most logical coarse of action."

" zelda ?" hylia asked " about this boy, Link, you and he are very similar... no living family to speak of... triforce."

"........yes........"

"what's wrong?"

" I'm not sure myself..." she replied " I just feel like he's still out there..."

" Ganon(dorf)? he's dead, Link killed him..."

" yes he did, but.... it seemed too easy, like he wanted us to ........ I don't know. It feels like years since it happened but its only been a day..."

Edited 12 May 2008 by Shiny Sword (see edit history)

[Shiny Sword 0]

ok here is part 2

chapter 1 part 2

"Link's back! Link's back! common everybody!" talo and malo were jumping up and down at the foot of the tree where Link lived. " Common Link tell us what happened!"

Link leaned out the window and looked at the sky.

" guys, its the crack of dawn!"

" exactaly! weve been waiting for hours!"

Limk rolled his eyes got dressed amd decended the ladder at his front door. he gust turned around and almost walked into Ilia.

"Link, before you left I told you not to take-on anything out-of-your-league, and now I hear you teamed up with Princess Zelda and killed the one and only Gannon!?" she said hurridly.

" uh...something'like that..."

Ilia slapped Link across the face.

" Welome back Link."

----------------------

[Shiny Sword 0]

sorry I havn't been posting i promis i will post more soon

Shiny Sword

[Shiny Sword 0]

okay, as stupid as this sounds, I can't find my notebook! so I'm re-doing my room amd everythinh is bieng moved or thrown out!

and the stupid thing is................. I finished writing it 2 days ago...... it was 264 pages writen.......... I'll fimd it 2moro

[Aatch 0]

Ok. Its not too bad. I've certainly read worse. Link talking is bit of sticking point for me, but thats just personal opinion, and I know how hard it is to write where the main character doesn't speak.

My only real critique is Zelda talking to the Hylian Spirit, its seems too... Strange. And the spirits manner does not fit what it should be. The spirits should be very wise, giving overaching advice, not minutia. And it should certainly not be asking questions, other than "Do you beleive you are ready" and other dramatic things like that.

[Shiny Sword 0]

okay... here is the long awaited continuation.......

Link stared at her in amazement. then as if on cue ... "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey!" it was the post man. "huf huf huf huf huf Mr, Link! I have letter for you from Princess Zelda!" he held out a small official looking parcel. " da da da da da !... my buisiness is concluded! huf huf huf huf..." Link opened the note and read it to himself silently.

Dear Link,

we need to talk, face to face. can you meet me in telma's bar in 3 days? there is an ergent matter I wish to discuss with you. I will not say in this letter in case it is intercepted.

Zelda

Link folded up the letter and looked at Ilia. "I need to leave."

"But you only just got back..."

" I know... but this is important.... tell your father I'm leaving and I won't be back for several days."

".....o.k......."

Link dasged up to his house and grabbed the master sword from under his bed. he also grabbed all his gear from the basement and stuffed them into a sac. he was about to go out side when he took the ordon sword from beside the door.

" just in case..."

[Shiny Sword 0]

chapter 2!!!

two days later...

location: hyrule field (south)

Link guided Epona under a tree " we'll settle here for the night." he un roled a sleeping bag and crawled inside. And then, quite suddenly there was a russtling sound behind him a spun around..... and there stood a....... wait........ nothing was there...... Link closed his eyws and almost immedietly fell into an uneasy sleep.

He was on an island far out at sea. he looked around. night was falling fast. he could just make out the outline of a very strange man strutting through the streets of a small settlement. Then fire erupted from both of the man's hands. his cape flew bace in a nonexistant wild. the man shot the fire at two near by houses. they went up in flames instantly. people were running everywhere children were calling out for their parents. the man was smiling. he turned te look at link.

"NO!"

link was back under the tree. it was morning.

Edited 16 Jul 2008 by Shiny Sword (see edit history)

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Boy, I hate to be the critic...

Hey everyone! My friend wrote a short a short chapter that is suposed to come after TP. I've changed some things but, here is an intro........as soon as I find my note book......o.k.

... Isn't that plagiarism?

Chapter 0: ....Intro....

First of all, this needs to stop: "........." The little spaces in time where no speech or action is going on are referred to as ellipses. THIS is a proper ellipsis. "...".

Link opened the door to Zelda's bed chamber, not knowing what to expect. He layed a hand on the master sward as if to re-asure himself that it was still there. He looked around the splended chamber He noticed something that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. It was Blood. Small droplets of it clustered by the window. He walked over to it. Suddenly the door snapped shut.

There are spelling issues in here, and that's just not professional. If you have Firefox or Microsoft Word, please put your stories into one of them and correct all the spelling mistakes you see. But you should always read over everything and make sure it's all as you intended it to be. For instance, you spelled "sword" as "sward", but since sward is a word, the spellcheck didn't catch it. Another thing, you haven't capitalized Master Sword, despite it being the title of the blade. It has a proper name, so it is a proper noun. Reassure is one word. "He looked around the splended splendid chamber." Please look for missing punctuation, as it is really hard to keep track of something with this kind of thing obstructing your point. Blood is not a proper noun, and should not be capitalized. You need a comma after "suddenly" and before "the". You should really use more descriptive environments. Instead of just saying it was "Zelda's bed chamber", you could have gone the extra mile and described it.

Link entered Zelda's bed chamber in the shadow of the behemoth door that screeched in protest of its unoiled hinge. The room had an atmosphere that bespoke uncertainty; almost danger. His hand moved apprehensively towards the handle of the Master Sword, confirming its presence heavy on his back. Gazing around the noble and splendid chamber, his eyes captured an image of something that made sweat erupt from his pores, making the hairs on his neck stand erect, as if they were trying to escape him and fly away. Sliding down the glinting window in front of him was the dreaded sign of past suffering: blood. Bracing himself, the hero approached the ominous window. Before he had taken three steps, the great wooden door, the only exit in the room, closed hard and locked as if it were merely a toy.

If you're having trouble trying to elongate your fan fiction, the use of adjectives is always welcome, and it benefits both sides, really, because the power of description wraps the reader in your universe, the universe you are trying to immerse the reader in. They stay in longer, and a mood is set and tangible. Also avoid the clich

[Shiny Sword 0]

I have news regarding this topic's future. It is bieng moved... yes moved to another website... what website? just follow the link at the end of my sig. Hope to see you there!

Edited 22 Jul 2008 by Shiny Sword (see edit history)

[Shiny Sword 0]

okay everyone my topic is now moved successfully to my website. http://myworld21.wetpaint.com/thread/17428...lda+Fan+Fiction is the link ... heh heh ... get it ... heh heh ... not funny...

Edited 7 Aug 2008 by Shiny Sword (see edit history)