Link of Twilight 2

[Naruto1253 0]

Chapter 5

Zelda offered Link to stay at her enchanted castle for a few nights. Link didn't answer, he was too drowned in his thoughts. Zelda gave a sad sigh and had Link just walk back to his home village, Ordon, with Ilia. Link returned Epona next to his treehouse. Epona would rustle in the tall grass for a few minutes and would then calm down. "Around Link, I feel a strange sadness in the winds." Russel said, to the mayor after a short drink at the edge of dusk. "After what had happened yesterday must have ruffled him up a bit. Ilia hadn't told me what she came upon." the mayor said back with a hinch of curiosity. Russel and the mayor looked down the path leading to Link's house. The next morning, Link had changed out of his dirty, blood covered clothes into his Ordon clothes. Everyone had gotten up early and was just talking about Link. "What is wrong with that boy? He seems as if his lungs weren't aloud to move." Po said to Russel. Ilia could hear every word anyone was saying. Ilia sighed for a moment then looked up into the morning sky. Clouds were moving as if they were as relaxed as the pond was. There was a sudden of wind, that blew through the spring air. All of a sudden, there was an odd hush. Link had stepped into the scene. He had his head faced to the ground. He slowly walked down the path. Ilia quilkly took her sight away from the sky and focused it on Link. Colin and the other kids hadn't noticed about Link had acted and walked up to him. "Link! You said you would play with us and let us use the slingshot!! Come on!! Let's go!" yelled Beth, very exited. Malo and Talo stood there waiting for an answer. "Oh, no." thought the mayor. Link walked right passed her. "Hey! What's with you!!!?" asked Beth, grabbing Link's shirt. Link slapped her arm away. There wasn't a word in the air. Everyone stared. "Leave me alone." Link said, and walked away. Beth held her wrist where it was slapped. Beth heard Link's harsh words echo in her head. Beths eye's start to shed tears. She runs from anyone's sight. Colin runs after her. So does Malo and Talo. Ilia watched as Link walked. She felt that strange sadness in the air. Than Ilia noticed something on Link's neck. "Link's ne-neck!! It's black!!!!" she thought with terror.

To be countinued......

Edited 1 Aug 2008 by Sahaqiel (see edit history)

[Sahaqiel 1232]

You misspelled about three words. Allowed, excited, and I don't think hinch is a word.

In any case, you did get better at description, and I hope this continues. You should practice describing things and such.

But anyways, if this is a chapter addition to your original fan fiction, then it should be a post in said thread. Chapters are not separate threads.

But again, I bring up the excessive punctuation. You do not need more than two exclamation points to express surprise.

You also need semicolon placement help.

"Link didn't answer, he was too drowned in his thoughts."

It should be

"Link didn't answer; he was too drowned in his thoughts."

Semicolons join two sentences where a "because" or an "and" or "but" could go.

For instance, that sentence could have been,

"Link didn't answer because he was too drowned in his thoughts."

But a semicolon replaces that. I was never a fan of becauses. ;P

Anyways, once I get a confirmation of whether or not this is an extra chapter, I shall stand by.

I could merge the topics, I think.

Sahaqiel

EDIT: What's... With the post? "It was sooooooo cooool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "?? Double posting is normally against the rules. You can post as many times as you want if the double post is a new chapter, but this is a comment.

Anyways, you also need to get rid of those size tags. I'll do that for you.

[link is my big bro 0]

that was way too short

make it longer like 1/2 of your frst one tipe size