Secrets of Sages

[link89 0]

One day Link was traveling into hyrule market.He was in search of presents for the kokiri as it was around Christmas.He did not have enough money for everyone.As he was leaving he saw a "wanted" poster.Reward was 500 rupees.He went to the place were people claim to see him.It was a trap all of a sudden there was a flash of light.He ended up in termina.I was strangly different than the way he left it.Clock town was bigger.There was a statue of Link.There was a river for zora's.A straight path from snowhead and woodfall.Ikana canyon was blocked off completly.He saw the skull kid and ran after him.

He finally got him at his house.Link got his masks back.A sage out of nowere pops up and says to Link that he must set a balance before it gets to out of hand.

The skull kid says bye and Link leaves with the sage.The sage took him in to Ikana canyon.The whole place was ashrine of evil.In the center was Ganons son.

In front of him was the remians of majoras mask.Link put on the Feirce Deity mask.Link got to the center but it was to late GanonII merged with a peice of

majoras mask.The sage with Link merged all the masks and created young Feirce Deity.It was strong like a goron fast like deku scrub and could zap things like the zora.An amazing battle took place.In the end Link won by useing his sword and zapping power.Ikana canyon was open to the public.Link was upset

because it was going to be the worst Christmas ever.The sage gave Link money a book and transported him home.Link had a wonderful Christmas and got everyone special gifts.When he read the book he had gotten he learned the secrets of the sages.

[Duke Abercrombie 0]

*chest open theme*

You have gained the Book of Secrets! Now you know all about America's Secrets!

[Sahaqiel 1232]

You need to use more adjectives and describe things more.

I honestly have no idea wtf just happened.

Also, when you attach -ing to the end of a verb ending with e, you get rid of the e. Also, you're supposed to put spaces after punctuation like periods, commas, semicolons, etc. etc.

About the only punctuations you don't space after are parentheses and quotations. There are probably more, but you likely don't use it.

Seriously, though, describe things more.

Masks? Ganon? What are you talking about?

There's no suspense or actions or anything that might want someone to keep reading.

I'm not being mean, just giving you advice, so please try to adhere to it. I could have reviewed the whole thing, but I have stuff to do.

Sahaqiel

[なべ 184]

Saha, you always go about this wrong.

This is an interesting story, linf. However, you need to flesh it out more. This probably sounds very good to you, but no other reader would be interested in the ideas you've written about, because you haven't used any detail. First of all, you need to try using more detail in your next story.

[link89 0]

thanks for the tips this is my first fan fic.

[Negation 1]

thanks for the tips this is my first fan fic.

This is hard to read and there are no descriptive nouns at all.

[real link 0]

*chest open theme*

You have gained the Book of Secrets! Now you know all about America's Secrets!

like what hotdogs are made out of

jk

Edited 8 Mar 2009 by real link (see edit history)