Sahaqiel
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Blog Comments posted by Sahaqiel
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Sounds good. Welcome to the forum, keep up the great work!
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Alright Phanta, I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, or what I have to do to prove it to you, but I do respect other human beings and I don't put anybody underneath me. That's why I'm willing to try and level with someone who may be unreasonable even if I disagree with them. I disagree with your interpretations of my views, but I am taking you seriously right now because you are saying something that's both coherent and straight-faced, and it kinda' sounds like you read my post.
And unfortunately yeah, I do encounter a lot of people who wander aimlessly without ambition, or have ambitions that they're too afraid to pursue. Rather than feeling like I'm better for them, I would rather try to encourage them and push them along what they want to do so they don't live an unfulfilling life. The way I see it, everyone's stuckin the mud of life, and we're all trying to dig ourselves out one way or another, and some fight harder than others. I think even the most ignorant person has the capacity to become great, to learn better, to fight as hard as I do, but they just don't have my mentality about it. I don't think my mentality is the best one, either, because I'm not successful, and other people are. I am angry about being unable to be successful. I'm impatient, in other words. While I see a lot of people who don't aspire to be something great, they still live great lives in their own rite, and I respect that. But nothing makes me more disappointed than someone who wants to be something more and is stuck in a bigger rut than I am, whether it be a cycle of ignorance, or a lack of connections or resources, or whathaveyou.
We're all really similar fundamentally, so I wouldn't put someone else down, because that would be putting down the potential of human beings as a species, and I have no higher respect than the potential of the human race. I hope you understand my ideology better and realize that I do not look down on people.
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I'll respond to your post later today LL, but I'd like to thank you for writing it. Many times, particularly lately, I feel like a hate-fueled monster, and I don't know how to make it stop.
Phanta, you didn't even read the whole post, and you do not know the extent to which Nate suffers from his own faults and how much I've been there for it. I do care about him as a friend, and talking about how his problems has affected mine is completely within my rights as a human being and a friend. I don't look down on him for smoking weed and dealing it, in fact I don't think I look down on people at all. But even he knows how much he's messed up, and he's either too apathetic or too ignorant to pull himself out, and I'm not sure I'm the one to try and pull him out again.
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I used to be very aggressive about maintaining friendships, but it's not as cold as it sounds. If someone is trying to interfere with you living a good life, then they're not really doing you any favors, and you need to distance yourself from that person, or you need to learn to ignore them. I'm saying that if it comes to letting people go that are holding me back, then I have to do it, and by that point, I don't think we could be considered friends, because there's a clear lack of consideration for each others' wishes.
And say I catered to Betty's wishes, or really any significant other, and say those wishes meant that I had to go through the safe road, do all the safe things, and never experience what I wanted to. Then I would be catering to their ideal life, and they wouldn't be considering my ideal life. I'd wake up unhappy one day with tons of regrets and they'd be just fine. That kind of selflessness isn't romantic, it's sad. So yeah, if Betty tried to push me into that life, I wouldn't have it. I want to wake up with the least amount of regrets possible, and I can't accomplish that by honoring obligations that don't advance my own goals.
I could someday get over breaking up with her, and we could both move on, but honoring a request to give up my dreams isn't something I could ever fix with enough time. It would ruin my whole life.
Friends do come and go, and I learned to accept that. It doesn't mean that friendship wasn't important, it just means that it came and it went, and I need to find new ones. There's nothing manufactured or disposable about genuine friendships. Just like people.
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The thing is that innovating is what I enjoy the most. I love pushing the boundaries in what I do, and it's what makes me the happiest. The name isn't quite as important. It's the contributions. A name is secondary. But I want to experiment and push farther, and make progress in both my personal goals in a way that positively influences the medium. Ideally, I would be able to contribute significantly to make a lasting effect, but it's the effort that gets my blood pumping.
It's not a heat-of-the-moment thing. It's what I decided is the most logical thing to do when someone is trying to interfere with your ambitions. Since my ambitions are the most important thing to me, I can't have conflicts with them. It sounds cold, but do I love Betty more than anybody else, and my ambitions are still more important than that. My ambitions are as important to me as cognitive and motor functions. They're an integral part of me, to want to do as much as I can. I don't plan on waking up with major regrets. As much as I love Betty, she isn't keeping me alive. My ambitions are. That's just how it is.
I don't plan on abandoning my loved ones. I'm just saying that I've considered what might happen if someone interferes with my greatest priority. I plan to have friends. I plan to have loved ones. As cynical as it sounds, though, relationships of all kinds aren't unique. People are unique, and that I will miss. But losing a certain kind of friend doesn't mean I lose my capacity to form new ones.
I realize that I will eventually have to do things I don't want to do in order to get what I need. But school is not one of those things. I don't need an associate's or the education it provides me for my ambitions. It makes no sense for me to be here. Don't misunderstand; this degree is 100% useless to me. I could say more than 100%, because it actually inconveniences me greatly and makes me spend a lot of money.
I hate being in this situation.
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lol
It was picking up my computer fan, and it gave me these words and stuff
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u got dis
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