Post funny ESRB game descriptions

[Aethix 129]

Just go http://www.esrb.org, find a game with a funny summary, and post it. I'll start.

Chrono Trigger is an action role-playing game in which players travel through time to save the world from evil alien forces. Players can select armor, swords and lightning bolts to aid them in their attacks against creatures encountered along the way. One scene depicts a conveyor belt that leads into a machine; characters don't come out the other side, and there is a screaming sound effect. Brief blood sprays appear when a giant snake is split in half in the opening animated scene. Characters 'hiccup,' burp, and slur their speech after imbibing spirits during a drinking contest. Dialogue sometimes includes sexual innuendo (e.g., "time for a spanking," "let me show you a good time," and "he can have dozens of girlfriends...or boyfriends").

[Roc 8]

Lol @ Tales of Vesperia's.

Rating summary: Tales of Vesperia is an action role-playing game in which players control a group of fighters whose mission is to retrieve a stolen technology that a city relies upon. The fighters encounter various foes along their journey and must defeat them using turn-based magic attacks as well as weapon attacks with swords, knives or whips. Red blood is seen briefly when certain enemies are slashed or injured during cutscenes. Several characters joke or remark about the physiques of two of the female members of the party. One is referred to as "flat-chested," while the other is called "Miss Bouncy-Bouncy." One sequence involves dressing up to seduce a guard away from his post. Players can enter taverns and encounter townspeople who slur their speech when ordering drinks, and alcohol is specifically referenced in latter parts of the game (e.g., "Is this crate booze bottles?"). Moderate profanity (e.g., "ass," "ol' chap") can be heard during gameplay and cutscenes.

[Vio Milanor 28]

How is "ol' chap" profanity? D:

[Roc 8]

That's what makes it funny. XD

[Aethix 129]

How is "ol' chap" profanity? D:

It's word filter speak for a child born out of wedlock.

Edit: now I find myself wanting that game...

Edit:

This is a trivia game, based on the TV game show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, in which players answer questions from a variety of school subjects (e.g., Science, Math, English, Art, etc.). Questions range in difficulty from 1st to 5th grade, and players can rely on 5th-grade partners to help them answer questions. Out of the numerous categories and hundreds of trivia items, a small portion of answer explanations make reference to violence (e.g., "…spouse abuse and murder, are more frequent around Christmas"). There is also one answer explanation that mentions alcohol (e.g., "In Medieval England, a good breakfast was roast beef, bread, and two pints of beer").

[Arcane 12]

Hmm... But wouldn't Croc know that, since he found it?

[Vio Milanor 28]

Reading that description, I too want the game. |D I wasn't too fond of it though, playing the demo... :c

[Roc 8]

Hmm... But wouldn't Croc know that, since he found it?

I've wanting Tales of Vesperia for quite a while. I tend to tune out details like that when I am listening to Led Zeppelin though. Sorry for not remembering. XD

[Vio Milanor 28]

I've also wanted it... Mainly for the hot chick in the goggles.

[Roc 8]

I bought Tales of the Abyss because it was a Tales game. That, and Tear is hot. It was a win / win. And then they came out with the anime.

[Vio Milanor 28]

I've wanted it too... Mainly for that hot babe in the googles.

[Roc 8]

I've wanted it too... Mainly for that hot babe in the googles.

That's why I bought Dark Cloud 2. Best purchase I ever made, too. Amazing game, Monica in a leopard outfit. <3

[Vio Milanor 28]

Oho, I thought she was pretty... Never seen the actual game though.

I played the first... I thought it was an actual Zelda game for the PS2 because of his green beanie which looked like a hat on the cover. |D I waws young though.

Nice Avatar.

EDIT: Damn, Monica's hot... I want PS2 emulators to work properly so I could play as heeer or something. :C I'd cheat to get her into that leopard outfit.

Edited 2 Sep 2009 by Vio Milanor (see edit history)

[Jared! 0]

Where do you find these summaries?

EDIT: Never mind I figured it out. It only works for recent games though.

Rating summary: This is a rhythm game in which players can engage in a series of mini-games that test musical ability, rhythm and dexterity. Players earn points for how well they are able to match the on-screen actions with the beat of background music. Some mini-games involve slapping a man's arm, flicking animals out of a garden, and zapping spaceships.

(Rhythm Heaven)

[Roc 8]

Oho, I thought she was pretty... Never seen the actual game though.

I played the first... I thought it was an actual Zelda game for the PS2 because of his green beanie which looked like a hat on the cover. |D I waws young though.

Nice Avatar.

EDIT: Damn, Monica's hot... I want PS2 emulators to work properly so I could play as heeer or something. :C I'd cheat to get her into that leopard outfit.

It took me tons of Spheda and dungeon crawling to get all of the gold medals so I can get it, but it was way worth it. If I find my memory card, I'll take pics later. XD