Well I Puppyed up.

[FreckleFart 0]

Well, if you'd told me six months ago that there was such a thing as "caring too much", I would've laughed at you. A lot seems to have changed since then.

Last year, I think it must've been September or so, my best friend revealed to all of us (being, my friend group) that he liked a certain girl. Said girl was someone I'd never given much thought to, as she was quiet, shy and whatnot. So anyway, me and my friend started hanging out with a few of her friends after a while, and I was surprised to see that she was funny, nice, and overall a beautiful person. "Good choice, man (my friend, not the girl lol)" was pretty much what I was thinking every time I was around her. Then I realized what I was doing, after several 2-3 hour long msn conversations with her. I was beginning to like her quite a lot. I felt half-guilty because I did want everything to be ok with her and my friend, but I think that deep down I had just that normal glimmer of hope that something would happen to make her "choose" me. Never for a second did I think that maybe she didn't want a relationship at all. So yeah, got to friend status, everything was good, then she mentioned that I should open up to people a little more often. I did, but I messed up in that I chose to only open up to her. So every time I talked to her she'd have this barrage of my problems and hopes and all that stuff flying at her from every direction, and being a kind person, she never mentioned that I was talking about the wrong things (at this point I'd also done something new to my life; told her that I liked her). Anyway. I was really good friends with her for a few more months. She's the one that made me a Christian, she's the reason I don't hate life anymore, she showed me plenty of things to make life brighter etc. She mentioned on several occasions that "Jason (my best friend) is good to talk to, but I think Sam cares a lot more." I didn't figure maybe it was a bad thing, so I continued to be all obsessive and such. I think at this point, though, she meant it as a good thing, I just managed to make it bad. Four weeks ago, she went away on a church youth camp for one week. The day before had been amazing, in my eyes. Since she was shy, even around me, a "good friend" as she put it, she'd never really been one to have many connections with people. So it was a massive milestone when she talked to me the day before she went away, amazingly happy, and somehow I managed to get her phone number. I spent the next morning, as she drove to her destination (roughly 5 hours), thinking about what a week without her would be like and already missing her.

The next week was a loooong one. I know what you're thinking by now, "wow, another one of those girl problems. Move on/get over it/stop being so needy/etc." But oh well. It's slightly different in that it was going great and then just went downhill really fast.

In fact, not even downhill. More like a rapid fall off a high cliff. She came back from the camp, and simply refused to talk to me. Whenever she did, it'd be short, annoyed replies. I wondered what I'd done wrong, and then she ended up telling me we're pretty much done. It was a long conversation, highlighting the things I'd done wrong, but the summed-up version was "you care way too much". I pretty much felt like dying and spent the next couple of hours sitting hopelessly on my bed, thinking about everything I needed to say to her. Not so much because I knew I had no chance with her again, but mainly because it was one of the best friendships I'd ever had, however short. Our whole relationship wasn't just talking on msn. We saw movies and things like that. She's told me that there's no chance of reconciliation because I'm the kind of person that'd just do it all over again. In a way, she's right. I would put myself through this a billion times over if it meant I could still have those deep conversations we shared. She gave me another chance, and I sort of stuffed that up too. But it's part of her lifestyle to forgive, so chance number 3 shortly came my way. I haven't screwed it up yet, but knowing that no matter what I do, I'll never be one of her good friends again really kills me inside.

This is me, for the first time in years, reaching out to you guys. Dunno what I'm expecting. Uplifting responses, something like that. I'm just filled with this horrible hopelessness, and it won't go away. My more-than-friendship feelings for her have long since passed, all I really want is to be able to talk to her and know that it's ok, because I'm one of her best friends. But I know it's not going to happen.

tl;dr: Post your usual girl problem advice.

[Cirt 612]

Aw...this makes me so sad. I'm really sorry to hear it. I had a similar experience, but more on that later.

Well, you can't blame it all on yourself. Like you said, she didn't really say much about you being a little too forward (maybe because she didn't want to be mean) but she should have known that if she didn't mention it to you, she could lose a friend. And then things could get awkward, etc. Secondly, because she did that, she didn't handle it right at all by just dropping it point blank. So really, don't blame it all on yourself.

My best advice is that time will heal. Just give her some space, because from what I can tell, she was feeling a bit suffocated. Really take this last chance carefully. As dumb as it sounds, you just have to be really attentive to what you're doing. If you see her around, don't immediately go up to her, just give her a wave and keep on going. I know it kills inside when you're walking away from something like her, but in the end, it might help out in your case. And when you talk to her, don't be hateful of awkward small talk. You have to ease your way into being a good friend again - it won't happen overnight.

My story is a little different, but I dated (like was actually a couple) with this guy for about a year. We were super close, like probably too much so. Anyway, due to a number of problems, he broke up with me, for good (he had tried to break it off twice before that). But not just that, he stopped talking to me altogether for about a year and a half. And it was weird whenever we saw each other, we avoided eye contact and everything. We just started being friends again a few weeks ago. But I know your pain - from being that close to being nothing, just being thrown away like that, does really kill you inside. And all you want to do is wonder how you messed up, what you did wrong, how you can get back that magic. I really think you'll be okay though, if you don't rush it. If she's anyone worth having around, she'll want to be your friend again too. I think she was just a little overwhelmed.

[Teto 2609]

Why aren't more people posting in this thread.

My reason being that I don't know what I could say.

Also, this is definitely Serious Discussions. This isn't a rant, you're not letting off steam for no reason. You want advice. The Serious Discussions board is Relationships, too. But that's besides the topic. Just saying.

[FreckleFart 0]

Yeah, she is definitely someone worth having around. You're right, though. We talked about it, and the best thing for me to do is to give her plenty of space. The funny thing is, though, that I'm fairly friendly with her sister and it's getting pretty hard for me to be friends with her when I can't talk to Girl A. I mean, her sister's idea was for them to pick me up tonight and head to night church. First time that's happened, and normally I'd be really happy about it, but for now it just sounds awkward for me to be in the same car with her.

[Sunday 0]

Dude, I think that you don't even need to give her a huge amount of space. Just back it off a little. Don't have her as your sole confidant. Like you've seen, they get sick of it. If you simply can't talk to anyone else about this stuff, then write a diary or something. But you just can't give her the burden of all your problems. Nobody can handle that, and I'm sure you would feel the same as her if your positions were reversed. You can still be her best friend, but you can't give her all your problems.

Hope this helps.

[Linox 28]

Oh wow, I was in the exact same boat as you. The friend who likes a girl, becoming bestfriends with her, liking her, deep conversations and the rest.

I am currently on my thrid chance with her as well, so I completely understand where your coming from.

I would have to agree with everyone else about giving her space and it's okay to talk to her just don't over do it. From experience girls/women don't like it when you lay all of your problems on them, but they also don't like it when you act too distint. Just find a good place inbetween that works for both of you. It may feel like you'll never be as close as you two used to be, but thats not the case unless you let it be. I met my friend around Christmas '08 and we had some problems that were very similar to yours, but now everything between us is better than it has ever been.

So everything may seem bad now, but it will get better. Just have faith.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Wait.

1) All's cool, best friendmanship

2) She gives you her phone number

3) She goes somewhere and you don't talk for a week

4) She hates your guts??

Am I missing something here?

[FreckleFart 0]

Wait.

1) All's cool, best friendmanship

2) She gives you her phone number

3) She goes somewhere and you don't talk for a week

4) She hates your guts??

Am I missing something here?

Something to do with the fact that she made new friends and knows how "normal people act". She knew I liked her as more than a friend. I don't think she understands me very well.

So yesterday I found out she's been talking to people about me behind my back. Shit about how it sucks that I like her (even though I don't anymore), and how I complain too much and she's ditching me. puppy this whole thing, I'm breaking off all contact with her. I don't deserve to be brought to tears every time I think about things she's said about me.

[Vio Milanor 28]

Christ, FreckleFart. ._. That really does suck. I wish I could say that I know EVERYTHING that you're feeling, although I don't.

Even though we've been in similar situations, my story isn't yet done.

I don't want to lead you onto any incorrect or immoral paths, however, I'd probably cause a bit of a fuss. I absolutely loathe it when people are like that, not just in general talking behind someone's back. She more or less just posed as a friend to you and then to another side afterwards. That REALLY sucks. ._. I'd have made her know how much it sucks, and exactly what I could do to get back at her, and how easily I could. However, I won't... I'm just nice like that.

If she was sick of you, then she should've said so from the beginning. It's weak-willed people like this that tick me off.

I wish you luck with coping through the ordeal, and I'm more or less certain that I won't mind being talked to about many of your situations should you desire.

People say that I'm good when it comes to cheering them up.

[FreckleFart 0]

I feel like such an idiot though. After everything she's put me through, I still feel like she's the better person. I used to love her in so many ways, but lately I just want to get away from her. I'm staying here until she signs onto msn, then telling her I don't give a shit anymore and she can enjoy her life without me.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Chances are: block list

[FreckleFart 0]

Yeah. I'm asking her to delete my phone number, and I'm blocking her Facebook, email, and msn. I'll also be cutting out all real-life contact with her.

[Sunday 0]

Dude, she sounds like a bitch. I honestly can't say that cutting off contact is the best way to solve this, but it is a way.

Good luck.

[FreckleFart 0]

You guys are getting this wrong :/ She did nothing bad. It was my own blindness that stuffed this whole thing up. If I'd realised I was becoming almost obsessed with her, I'd have backed off straight away. I can't blame her for not letting me know. I can't rely on someone to always be there to give me pointers. She's probably the single most amazing person I've ever met in my life, and the purpose of this entire rant was to show how angry I am at myself for letting it fall away.

I'm quite content at the moment though. I had a talk to her today, and I THINK we agreed that if there's nothing for me to complain about, it'll be much easier. I felt really bad, though, when I heard that one of her pets died and she has to get rid of the other. All in one day. So I dunno anymore. On one hand I've got this desire to prevent myself from any more mental harm, but then I realise that this is life. Things happen, you just pick yourself up and move on.

Oh and lol my retard of a friend thought it'd be funny to copy the link to this thread (which he managed to get from Ammonsa) and send it to her. She read the whole thing and thinks you guys hate her :/ I don't think I got my whole 'she's near-perfect' point across properly. To be honest, a bit of a stupid idea on my friend's part.

So thanks anyway, guys. I might not be out of the woods yet, but at least I know she likes talking to me. I'll be careful to enjoy every moment I get to speak to her, and I'll always remember how lucky I am to have her around.

<3 Jess

[Sahaqiel 1232]

I think you might be doing that thing again.

The thing that you said you'd stop if you realized you were doing it.

Honestly, if I were to make any assumption at all about this, I would say that whoever this person is is a bit conceited, and enjoys having someone who is obsessed with her around, building her ego and causing some sort of drama.

This sort of parasitic relationship isn't quite uncommon.

Hopefully whoever you're talking about shows up and reads this, because I think I'm not too far off. If she's called out on it, maybe she'll reach a conclusion of some sort and we can all go home.

Abandoning friendship because you met some strangers or something. That's not cool.

Sahaqiel