A dating situation

[Hideki 0]

^ sound advice.

[Shadowknight 54]

My biggest problem is that I really enjoy the little time I get to spend with her, and I'm not sure if that's because it's her, or because it's rare. Like, I don't know if I'd be able to enjoy time with someone else as much, though it's possible that I would.

Also, I really don't want to hurt her. Doing so would make me feel like the biggest jerk on the planet. That's because she wouldn't have done anything wrong, there wouldn't have been an argument or anything. Just my...impatience? I guess that's the best word.

[Skippy 82]

I would say that the time you have together is special because it is few and far between, not to say that she isn;t a great girl, but you couldn't say you would enjoy it as much if it wasn't as fleeting. I will tell you from experience, there is always someone else you will be able to enjoy time with, it's just how life is.

I understand not wanting to hurt her, and you need to speak with her about this, remember, this situation isn't one sided, she doesn't get to see you often, and she is probably feeling very similar things to you at this point in time, and she likely doesn't want to hurt you either. This is really a decision that would be best made mutually, though I still say that at the end, at this point, your happiness should be your number one concern. If you aren't happy with the situation, then change it.

[Shadowknight 54]

You're right. After thinking about it, I definitely need to at least talk with her about this.

Unfortunately, she's in Puerto Rico for the next three weeks, and it's a comversatiom that shouldn't happen over the phone.

[Skippy 82]

ouch, well, you have three weeks to figure out exactly what you want to say to her.

[Hideki 0]

You'll always feel like a jerk when you break up with someone. It doesn't mean you are one.

[Arachne 25]

^True.

I was in a similar situation for awhile. My mom didn't like my boyfriend too much, probably because he's eleven years older than me and he's had a crush on me for at least a year before we started dating. For awhile when we were dating we'd go to Mom's for dinner, and I'd be more reserved towards Jay out of respect for my mother. What I didn't see was that she thought I wasn't too dedicated to the relationship. I confronted her about it, and we discussed it together. Things have also been better between my bf and my mom ever since we started showing more of our relationship around her.

Our situations are a bit different because I'm 22 and have left home. I'm not saying you should continually snog her around her Dad, but a few gestures to show you care about each other might be a good idea. Just to show that you care about her and aren't just trying to get into her pants.

Still, in order for her dad to warm up to you, your gf will have to do most of the work there. She'll have to talk to him, maybe have you over for dinner sometimes, that sort of thing.

It won't be easy. You have to really care about your relationship to make it work.

If not, it's probably better to break up. Explain to her that right now, the situation is unfair for both of you.

You and Skippy might be right about the 'rare=feels special' thing.

I once read this autobiographical graphic novel where the author, a woman in Iran, was dating this guy, but because of the strict laws they found it difficult to spend time together, and it was often in secret. They wound up getting married to make things easier, only to find they didn't get along all that well when they were always together. They divorced a few years later.

[Shadowknight 54]

So, we've been almost completely out of contact for a few days now, giving me a good bit of time to think about this. And I remembered what I said when I asked her to be my girlfriend. "I know that because of your parents, it'll be hard, but I'm willing to work with it if you want to as much as I do." And really, things have been slowly getting better. They might keep getting better, too, so long as we keep being patient. When I started dating her, I had at least a moderately long-term (by teenage standards, mind you) relationship in mind. The more I think about it, the more I don't want it to end.

So thanks for your advice, everybody. My choice has been made, and it's to stick with it, at least for a little while longer.

[Skippy 82]

Good for you. IF you're happy with it, that's all that matters. Good luck, I wish you both the best.

[Shadowknight 54]

I figure I may as well give an update. We're still together, and I'm really glad that we are. You know the saying, "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger?" I definitely think that applies here. Relationships can't be measured only by the good things that they have; in fact, I'd say they can only really be judged by how much bad stuff you'll endure for the other person.

Just a bit of insight for anyone who needs or wants it.

[Puck 1]

I know it's a little late to give advice, but maybe instead of taking her places you could just visit her at her house. That is, unless her dad booby-trapped it.