Establishing Hyrule

[NayruGoddessOfWisdom 8]

"We got her, come on," I say, tapping Zelda on the arm as she was just about to doze off. The three of us get to our feet, racing down the sloped pathway towards where Caoilainn stands with her guard. I know that they've seen us, but they're making no move to leave, which I'm looking at as a positive.

Caoilainn watches us with a dark look in her eyes as we approach, her guard standing close by her side.

"Stop wasting your time," she says. "I'm not coming back."

"Caoilainn," Zelda pleads. "You don't have to do this!"

Caoilainn narrows her eyes. "What do you know of what I have to do? You can't possibly understand how it feels! I don't belong with you all, I'm a Demon, why can't you accept that!"

"Because it's just biology," I say, taking a step forwards. "You and I both know that your Demonic side is just your biology."

She sneers. "Just biology - biology makes me aggressive, biology means that I'm completely unable to feel!" she sounds exasperated and exhausted, as if she's tired of trying. "Why is it so hard for you to just let me go!"

I step forward again, looking Caoilainn in the eye. "I know you feel like you belong with the Demons... but you can't just pick and choose which parts of the truth you want to see."

"What are you talking about?" she sneers.

"I'm talking about how you've fought your whole life for prosperity on the Surface, you've fought to take down the Demonic power, you've fought to establish what someday could be a mighty kingdom. And now you want to turn away from all that? I know you, Caoilainn. I know that despite whatever conflict you're fighting within you, you don't want to see your home fall into the hands of evil. If the Demons win, if they control the surface, innocent animals and innocent people are going to suffer. Your friends will be killed as mercilessly as your parents were. I know for a fact that you don't want that."

[ElwayGuy7 10]

*

Edited 23 Apr 2014 by ElwayGuy7 (see edit history)

[Knuckle 484]

((I think you're coming up with a well-elaborated idea that connects Leoni and Caoilainn, but a former-demon-tuned-human Leoni is going to get really hard to empathize with later on. Leoni has a very incredible background and has overcome a lot of limitations if you keep him going on this road, with his special weapon and success at turning into a human with relative ease. Personally I would keep him as just a regular human with a really rough upbringing because I really felt for him, but he's your character ))

[ElwayGuy7 10]

((That makes sense. But I can go back to elaborate on his past. Summing it up in a few sentences makes it seem like his childhood was easy, when in fact it was as difficult as the 'fake' one. There will hopefully be more elaboration later, and I think it can work itself out. The whole quest on how he changed himself can be a side story, but as I thought about it, it wasn't easy. He had to pretend he was something he wasn't until he could learn enough about this blade, and have the courage to try it and make it work, and then he had to again be something he truly wasn't until people accepted him, even after the fire. Thanks for the feedback, though, and I can definitely elaborate. I feel like deleting the post at this point would just be weird, so I think I'll leave it unless there is a unanimous feeling to change it, in which case I will. Again, thanks for the feedback!))

[NayruGoddessOfWisdom 8]

((I have to say that I agree with Knuckles. I know it seems like it's a good solution to create this connection between Leoni and Caoilainn but I thought that Leoni was a strong, relatable character before, and this compromises that. It's not only that, but it then doesn't fit with what you've been writing in the past, he's always been writing from the perspective of a Hylian, and now this invalidates those words. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but Leoni seemed like a strong character before))

[ElwayGuy7 10]

*

Edited 23 Apr 2014 by ElwayGuy7 (see edit history)

[Knuckle 484]

((Well, since you do need a definitive answer I say write up something else. Mainly because of the stuff Nayru and I mentioned about damaging Leoni's character in the long run, but also because of Caoilainn's character development as well. That last entry really makes it hard for her to do anything other than say yes to Leoni, which might not be what ButterflyBabyBlue wants for Caoilainn. So yeah, I think you should undo that last post and maybe try again, sorry ))

 

((Also, if you want help writing up something I'd be happy to help you brainstorm! Doing stuff like that in a group really helps my writing.))

[Franne 2]

((I agree with Knuckle and Nayru and I've got nothing to add to what's already been said. I also think that writing something new would be better for your character and the whole story in general.  Good luck!))

[NayruGoddessOfWisdom 8]

((I'm with Knuckle if you're looking for a definitive answer. The only reason I didn't give one before is that I wanted to leave the decision up to you, as it is your character at the end of the day. But if you're looking for my opinion, then yes. And I will apologise, because I'm sorry if I upset you. I'm a beta reader, I can't help but be critical, sometimes a little too critical... I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I can help you come up with something new if you like?))

[ElwayGuy7 10]

((It's fine, I was being a self-centered jerk, and I was having a bad day yesterday, and I felt guilty about what I said all of today, and I have been waiting to get on and post this apology for the entire school day (it was hell). So, I formally apologize about this whole thing, and my behavior and response. It was not okay, and I am truly sorry. I will write up a new post and edit out the old one (if it hasn't been deleted already). And looking back on it, I agree with you guys. The idea of a twist like that had popped into my head a long time ago, and I was just a little eager to try it out, so it is entirely my fault. There is no need for any of you to apologize; you all were totally right and nothing you said was too harsh or outlandish. Thank you guys for putting up with my bullshit (pardon my French) and I hope you can accept this apology. 

 

I will come up with something short so that you guys can continue the story while I get back into it. 

 

Seriously, though, thank you for putting up with me.

 

Sincerely, 

ElwayGuy7 (Andrew)))

Edited 23 Apr 2014 by ElwayGuy7 (see edit history)

[Knuckle 484]

((Definitely! I've tried plenty of twists that didn't work with the RP, even gotten a bit angry about a couple of them, it's nothing I haven't done myself. And of course I'm still happy to brainstorm with you and I imagine Nayru is as well. ))

[ElwayGuy7 10]

((Thanks! I know so many people who would've been total assholes about it, so thank you, again.))

 

I sit by our small campfire, keeping watch while Link, Sault, and Bryarly sleep. I look up through the treetops and see the starry sky, and I wonder if Caoilainn is looking at the same sky. I start to cry, but I push my emotions down beneath the surface and continue watching. I can't stop thinking about her, I think. It's all I do. I hope the others can help her. I sigh aloud, and continue stargazing until the first light of dawn begins to glow on the horizon.

 

((Go ahead and add stuff, I'll get back into it after you all post))

[ButterflyBabyBlue 2]

I clench my fists, at war with myself. Ardaia has tensed next to me, his eyes darting back and forth between us. Melaina, an arrow nocked and ready, and Zelda -the goddess reborn herself came for me?- wait with Fintan, who watches me carefully.

"Caoilainn," Ardaia says quietly, "do you need me to-?" 

"No," I interrupt him, taking his arm in one hand to stop him sending for others.

Melaina's grip on her bow is firm, but she looks distraught. 

"Caoilainn, make your choice!" she cries.

"Quiet!" I snap. "Be quiet."

I take a deep breath, weighing out my options in my head. Ardaia continues to watch me warily, taking his arm away.

"We don't have much time, Caoilainn," Fintan speaks up. Ardaia glares at him, taking a step forward.

"Give her a chance to-!"

He doesn't finish his sentence, instead gasping in shock and pain. My eyes find Melaina, her hands shaking. The arrow is lodged in Ardaia's chest.

"I thought..." Melaina's eyes are wide. "I thought he was about to-"

"Ardaia!" I yell, rushing to steady him. He looks me square in the eye, his hand clutched to his chest.

"Make good choices," he says, and dips his head to kiss my forehead. He's dead before he hits the ground.

Zelda looks absolutely shocked, going to Melaina's side to try and calm her. Fintan can't seem to take his eyes away from Ardaia's corpse, the demons black blood seeping out onto the ground.

"Ardaia..." I repeat, unable to get my head around what's happened.

[Knuckle 484]

Everyone's gone to bed with the exception of Link, who insisted on watching for enemies all night. Even Sault realized this was a thinly-veiled ploy to draw out that clone; what could Link be thinking? To his surprise, he was woken up sometime between midnight and dawn by the sound of swords clashing on steel. He scrambled into his travel gear and out of his tent to find the others watching Link battle a copy of himself. It didn't last much longer after he got out of his tent, with the clone getting barely nicked by the Blade of Duplicity and immediately collapsing into mist. That must have been the power of that sword when fighting one's clone...

 

"Great job!" Byarly congratulated Link on the victory. "How did you know it would come out?" "I took a chance and made it easy on him. That thing was probably desperate to get me, and it wasn't going to find a better chance to kill me than that." Link replied, looking tired but pleased with his success. Everyone's excitement was cancelled as two more clones of Link jumped out of the bushes. One was quickly dispatched with the Blade, however the other managed to grab Sault and Byarly before teleporting.

 

The forest was instantly replaced by the interior of an empty room. This wasn't like Blagdan's cave; the walls were made of blue stone, and sunlight poured through a hole in the top of the room. There was a great deal of sand in the corners of the room, suggesting they were all the way in Lanayru. Moments later two more clones appeared with the real Link restrained in their arms. "We've lost two now, so there's just three of us left" One of them said to their own captor. "Fool! Don't give away our numbers." he replied. "...whatever, let's take care of that sword." The real Link was still gripping the Blade of Duplicity in his hand but couldn't swing it as the clone walked over and punched him in the stomach, hard. After eight or so hits as he and Byarly begged for the clone to stop, Link eventually dropped the Sword of Duplicity out of reflex. The two clones retraining him tossed him back while the third picked up the blade. It walks up to Link and begins to strike...

 

"Stop!" one of the clones calls out. "We need to refill our ranks to carry out master Blagdan's final wish. We still have enough materials to create dozens of clones from the original. Atonement for Blagdan's fall can be fulfilled later." The clone holding the blade smiles and nods. "Very well, restrain these three while I start preparations for the proces."

[NayruGoddessOfWisdom 8]

((Don't even worry about it Andrew, I'm just glad that we can all be friends and carry on with this RP!))

 

I stare at the body of a man, of a demon that I never even knew, and I feel sick to my stomach. And as I watch him there, black blood pooling around his chest wound, my mind is thrown back to that very first moment that I realised the truth about Caoilainn. The way she looked at me, with a darkness in her eyes that I didn't recognise, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Is this what you wanted?" I ask, my jaw pushed forward as I fight to suppress the annoyance building inside of me.

"What are you talking about?" she asks, though she doesn't look at me, her eyes still fixed on her guard, who I now know was called Ardaia.

"This..." I mutter. "Because if things keep going this way, it's going to end up with us either having to kill you, or you killing us."

She turns to me then, wearing an expression that I've never seen before. I can't quite pinpoint what it is. "Don't talk like that," she says, her tone edged with severity.

"Tell me it's not true," I reply.

She looks like she's going to scream, like she wants to punch me, like she's going to break down in tears... somehow all at once, yet she doesn't make a single move. Her eyes are glazed, looking over my shoulder. I turn slowly, and that's when I see Leoni running towards us as fast as he can, feet pounding against the earth.

"What are you doing here?" Melaina asks, her voice still shaking from her earlier outburst.

"Link..." Zelda mutters "Where are the others?"

Leoni comes to a stop, stooping over, hands pressed on his knees. His face is flushed and I can see beads of sweat on his forehead. He must have run a long way. "The clones... they... they've got... more than one..." he says between gasps for breath. "But they... they... they took... the others... Bryarly and... and Sault... and Link..."

Edited 24 Apr 2014 by NayruGoddessOfWisdom (see edit history)