Du5t1n

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Posts posted by Du5t1n

  1. Posted · Edited by Du5t1n (see edit history)

    I think that while there are varying degrees of bullying -- it all does damage.  Even the small bullying like calling someone pork chop can utterly shape and change a person's life.  We know brains are very plastic and a little kid can completely change their way of thinking and acting to avoid being full-on bullied, beaten, and stabbed with knives to being teased with silly names.  They all shape the victim's mind and change their behavior and thinking.  Remember that children do not have the mental skills to know how to cope and most children do not have positive open communication with loving adults in their lives to help them through problems.  I'm sure most people can remember something that hurt them as a kid but they were too embarrassed to tell someone or seek help with coping, even if only a hug.

     

    "If your self-esteem is so low that you allow others to shape your personality and shape your emotions...that's rough." - Chase

    I agree that is indeed a huge part of the problem but as these are children that we are talking abou they aren't self-aware, don't understand what self-esteem means or the importance of it, and their self-esteem is literally in the process of forming and this is what gets included in their worldview when building said self-esteem.   If that initial building of it is damaged and then the words / bullying / whatever continue for years then it can reinforce the negative self-view and really screw with people.  Even people that cope or 'get over' it have hidden scars beneath.  Those are often our insecurities, our weaknesses inside that we keep hidden from view.  All humans have them.  Anyone that thinks they don't has just been able to lie to themselves, but it's there somewhere.  Perhaps we could better help kids form a positive self esteem earlier to help ward off these problems because like Chase said if they have a good self esteem they can cope with these situations much better.

     

    Even if someone gets over being called something like "pork chop" and it doesn't influence their life anymore, I think it's short-sighted to think that he should not dislike the term anymore.  He may not freak out or even show a response hearing the term now but it certainly may bring back memories of that time which are very negative.  None of us really like to dwell on being hurt, at least not long-term, especially when it's something you know was said by dump kids that didn't know any better.  Many people "deal" with issues like this by cutting off the memories associated with words or terms -- they try to forget or numb the experience.  That's a way of coping but it's not necessarily any more healthy than remembering the pain but realizing and truly understanding that the kids didn't know the damage they were doing -- but as a kid you didn't know that so the memories and pain felt then were still very real.  ..and if he didn't remember the pain those words brought then he likely wouldn't be able to bring us this video in such a powerful way.

     

    And importantly, all of us here wouldn't find so much in this video if we too didn't remember past pain and what it meant to us at the time but that doesn't mean that we haven't healed or "coped".  But that does not mean the scars don't remain, just like a wound on the skin.  It has healed, but it leaves its mark.

     

    I am very much an atheist but I do quite enjoy Jesus' saying "father forgive them for they know not what they do" as I believe it sums up pretty much all hurtful human interactions.  Humans are short-sighted and many have shit empathy skills so they don't understand WHY something they say hurts someone, even if it's only a joke.  We all have weak spots, insecurities, etc and when teasing hits them, it reinforces them in the mind, even subconsciously.  "Neurons that fire together wire together".  Our brain learns from our environment and if as a kid you get teased a lot, your brain shapes its world view to include that.

     

    Even self esteem itself is complicated -- too much self esteem results in a person feeling like they are so badass awesome that they become arrogant dicks.  Humans, our mental well being, and the complexity of psychology, our subconscious, and the effect of experiences on the way our brain functions and is literally physically laid out (our brain LITERALLY physically changes with ever experiences -- new connections are made, connections are severed, or altered), are crazy complicated and there is still much we don't know.  But we do know that these things hurt and we know can many times have negative effects on people. We live in a society and culture where these things happen and breaking the cycle is not something we know how to do yet.

     

    We have a long way to go as a species.  We are still young.

     

    Just my thoughts....

    Padraig!, SilverAlchemic and Sahaqiel like this

  3. Posted · Edited by Du5t1n (see edit history)

      you are a considerate experiencer.

     
     

    you are an experiencer
    Your inquisitive nature, imagination, and hands-on practicality make you an EXPERIENCER.
    Although you have an active imagination, you also concern yourself with the functional elements of things.
    You are willing to experiment to find things that work the most efficiently.
    Getting stuck in certain habits is boring to you—you'd rather find new experiences.
    Accordingly, experiences are more important to you than objects—you'd rather spend your money and energy on events and adventures than on material things.
    You like to contemplate a lot of options before making a decision, and you're willing and able to consider a lot of different angles to problems.
    You're open to suggestions, and often rely on others to assess the merit of those suggestions.
    You have an ability to see the big picture—not just how things are, but how they could be—in a variety of situations.
    You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
    Never one to be found in chic boutiques or trendy clothing stores, you take an extremely practical approach to getting dressed.




    you are considerate
    You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.
    You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.
    You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.
    Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.
    Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.
    Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.
    You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.
    Your close friends know you as a good listener.

    Sahaqiel and emsomniac like this

  8. Posted

    I am a freshmen in college and I have never had a girlfriend/am a virgin, because I just don't give a shit.

    What about our special times together?

    yeeeuuuh

    But yeah, I often wonder how difficult it must be to find a partner in a world where a marginal percent is your orientation, when it's hard enough to find a suitable partner when half the world is acceptable to your sexuality.

    So don't feel offended if guys don't look your way. It's troublesome to have people fall for you when you don't feel the same mutually anyway. If you're going to worry about relationships, worry about the ones you actually want to be in, rather than fleeting crushes.

    Just don't worry about it until you've got yourself collected.

    Sahaqiel

    You make me happy, Saha. :)

  11. Posted

    I have been up to nothing much in particular other than that summer started and ended, and now I'm in college.

    Oh my gosh college pheonix!!!!! WOW :o Do you like it?

    Do you Knuckle?

  12. Posted

    I have this cool jacket that is cool and I enjoy wearing it. Picture a cool jacket, thats what I'm wearing.

    Cool!

  13. Posted

    <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8SLTvA39xI?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param'>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8SLTvA39xI?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8SLTvA39xI?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

  14. Posted

    Life got really busy. I code a lot of at my job so when I get home I'd been online a lot less. I'll particularly be on a lot more during the week at work. :D

    What's happened around here in the last uhhh 10 months? :D

    I thought about you guys a lot. I bet a lot has happened both here and in you guys' lives! I've lurked around here and there trying to keep a little up to date... and of course e-stalked some of you like Teto and Josh haha since I know where they post a lot of stuff. ;)

  16. Posted

    Many of you are my friends and I disappeared on you.

    I want to be back with you guys.