Stormsworder

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Posts posted by Stormsworder

  2. Posted

    ((Me = Zzzzz.... Right now. Anyhow, here's another chapter, may put up another one tomorrow after I get done with the gazillion things I have to do.... X-x))

    Chapter 3: First Lesson

    The day seemed to wear on forever for Danielle as she endured her lessons under Zelda’s tutelage. Although nowhere near as boring and condescending as her former teacher, Zelda was strict as could be, scolding Danielle when her mind began to wander while she stared out the window and challenging her in her lessons to keep her mind sharp and focused, the lessons she learned remaining fresh in her mind.

    The scratching of her writing on paper filled the silent room, her brow furrowed as she focused on what she wrote. The princess stood over her, reading what she wrote over her shoulder without expression. Apparently, Zelda didn’t care much about the fact that she was making Danielle anxious with her over-the-shoulder reading. If anything, the princess was probably finding this humorous as Danielle occasionally glanced at Zelda out of the corner of her eye.

    “That’s enough,

  4. Posted

    Erm... that sure is showing Christian brotherly love...? *a bit confused*

    I just said I have a lot of qualms about what they do, what they told us (like not letting my mom have communion just cuz her marriage to my Baptist dad was done during a time where they didn't like marriages outside the church). You don't need to bite my head off or anything... *raises her eyebrow*

  5. Posted

    Uh, lessee...

    I'm a devote Southern Baptist who had once been Catholic for about... 15 years. I was weary of how the Catholic church was run and what the priests told us (a friend of ours was told not to ever go to a baptist church because it makes them question the Catholic faith), and after a depression I went to a church a friend invited me to. After that, I started going there and became a Southern Baptist.

    I know what it's like to see churches that don't focus on what's right and twist the Bible for their own means. A larger baptist church around here with two stories in this huge sanctuary just seemed to be... I dunno. It didn't seem right. It wasn't personal. Just... a mass. The smaller one had an amazing student ministry, and now our new youth minister is absolutely incredible...

    I'm actually part of a Christian gaming clan online... Christian Crew.

  6. Posted

    I'll just use the first wee bit as an example.

    It's nothing about the story at all, in fact, I've liked what I've read. The only problem is how it is written. For the first and last pieces highlighted, they seemed a little off to me. Like they could have been a little more specific at least, which isn't a huge problem.

    Also, the story begins in the past tense and then you say "flowing", suggesting it is in the present. Small errors like that can make it seem a little off, but if you can get away with it, feel free.

    Things like this appear a few times. They're easy to spot and to correct, so there's no worries there. I hope I helped.

    I repeat: There's nothing wrong with the story. ;D

    Heh... Actually, now that I think about it... I'm not sure I fixed all the mistakes that my friends from -=ACE=- pointed out... now that I have no more school, I should go through and do that... it's just that I get these chapters from where it's already been posted on forums for ease of having BBC code there... So I'm a bit on the lazy side.

    Yeah, I think I always had problems with verb tenses... *rubs her chin* Even when I first did my stories. Glad that you like what I have so far ^^

  7. Posted

    Yeah, they jump a lot. I couldn't figure out how to easily kill them with bombs though... ;_; I just kept getting hit.

  8. Posted

    Ocarina of Time (GCN disc): Was playing my collector's edition of the Zelda games on the GCN and was in the Fire Temple. I was about... halfway through or so, maybe a little more... when I was going for the door in the area right above the boss door (where you have a long drop all the way back into that room). I had turned off teh fire, made it to the platform, went to jump.... and it frozed. I heard the disc in my GCN skipping, but I didn't open it in time.

    Man, talked about ticked. Not as bad as when that happened repeatedly with Skies of Arcadia though...

    Phantom Hourglass: First and second time against the Phantoms in Temple of the Ocean King. I was playing in class, so I had to made sure anyone who walked in didn't see my DS... Well, I stink at anything that involves stealth and avoiding the enemy... I got caught once, and nearly got caught several times... Talk about a killer hand cramp after those parts.

    Also, in the Temple of Courage, those yellow things with the big ears that jump at you and take a lot of normal hits to kill... got killed by one of 'em and nearly did a second time. I HATE those things.

  9. Posted

    Chapter 2: The Arrangement

    Supper in the spacious dining hall was as normal as it was on any other evening. Rurik was boisterous and nosy as ever, laughing and drinking from his goblet while bragging to his fellow knights how he had finally managed to beat Blaine and would eventually best even Cale. Blaine and Cale ignored him as usual, instead turning their attention to Danielle. Cale was trying to do his best to explain different fighting strategies while Blaine amended them to take into account Danielle’s young age and inexperience.

    As Cale sat back in his chair while discussing the best way to swiftly avoid and best attack a slow but powerful opponent, Danielle glanced past him to see their father, Greil, staring at her thoughtfully. She felt somewhat surprised, figuring that he would be looking irritated about her skipping her nobility lessons for nearly a week. Instead he seemed pensive, almost apologetic as his gaze met hers. Danielle paused for a second before tearing her gaze away, focusing instead on finishing her meal while pushing her wonderings about what her father was thinking to the back of her mind. Suddenly, as soon as she set her fork down, she felt a hand rest on her shoulder, startling her. She looked down to see a slender, white-gloved hand there. To her right, Blaine had also seen the hand and glanced back, his expression changing from one of thoughtfulness to one of great surprise. Danielle slowly turned her head to the right to look over her shoulder, but she could only make out part of an elegant dress. Whoever was standing there was directly behind her. Blaine, who was able to see just who it was, stammered somewhat just loud enough for the other children to hear. “P-Princess Zelda?

  10. Posted

    So yeah... I feel like a complete newbie here (granted, I am...) and just posted up one of my fanfics...

    I've been writing them since like... fourth grade. I'm graduating from hs next week. I've actually tried a different format for my Zelda one here. Instead of six pages per chapter, I did four. Mostly because it seemed I lost people when it was long chapters...

    I dunno, but I find getting good criticism is pretty tough at times... I have two hold readers and commenters on Fanfiction.net. X_x

  11. Posted · Edited by Stormsworder (see edit history)

    ((Hey all, I'm a new member here, so this is also my first post on the forums after finding this place through Zeldawiki... So, here goes. This is my first Zelda story, and so I hope I don't disappoint with it. Twilight Princess-era, and I started working on this around Christmas holidays. Also, comments and critiques are GREATLY appreciated))

    Chapter 1: The Children of a Royal Knight

    The sun shined down warmly overhead on the courtyard of Hyrule Castle, a gentle breeze flowing through the towering spires on the beautiful spring day. The clashing of metal against metal filled the air, the source being two young men sparring against each other. Off to the side stood another young man with a girl in her early teens, the two watching the fighters. All of them were Hylians, their ears pointed and elven-like, and them men were clad in the armor of Hylian knights without the helmets. Each of them carried their own, unique weapon compared to the typical lances used by most of the knights. The eldest brother carried a long, two-handed sword with silver edges while the flat of the blade was dark grey on both sides. Embedded in the hilt was a clear crystal that sparkled in the sunlight. The young man himself was tall and handsome, his brown-hair messy and unkempt, clear blue eyes carrying a focused look while he wore a smirk on his face. He was Cale, firstborn son of the commander of the Royal Knights and an accomplished swordsman.

    The one he sparred against was heavier built and muscular, the strongest of the three sons. He had short black hair somewhat slicked back, his green eyes sparkling with humor even as he struggled to land a blow on the quick-footed Cale. The warrior was swinging an ornate gold-and-silver colored axe with a crystal embedded below the axe head with ease, despite the fact it was of considerable size. Rurik, the second oldest, was known for his considerable strength but rather short temper, as was evident by the fact he was starting to get just a little annoyed at his brother’s speed.

    Of the two spectators, the youth with the somewhat long black hair was the older one, the third son of the commander. He observed the match intently with narrowed green eyes, leaning somewhat on his silver-colored lance, a crystal just below the spearhead. He was well known as a strategist in the kingdom, having developed battle strategies in war games beginning at the young age of fifteen. Each of the three brothers was a year apart in age, the oldest being twenty-three, and they were infamous throughout the kingdom as soon-to-be royal knights and incredible fighters.

    The youngest there was a girl of fourteen, sitting cross-legged in the grass, bright-eyed and excited as she watched the two spar. A plain iron sword rested in her lap, the girl wearing a simple long-sleeved white shirt and brown cloth pants. Her beautiful sapphire eyes were filled with wonder and admiration for her brothers, brown hair with a few blonde streaks tied back behind her head. Despite her tomboyish appearance, Danielle was actually a noble and the youngest child of Commander Greil. The only problem was that she always skipped out on her nobility lessons, much to the ire of both her father and her teacher. She had a fascination with swords and battle and detested the proper manners and etiquette of the stiff upper class. Due to that, her reputation among the nobility had taken a major decline, most of them viewing her as a rebellious child. So, Danielle had no friends among the noble children, prompting her to spend even more time with her brothers.

    Above them, on a balcony overlooking the courtyard, stood the twenty-four-year-old ruler of Hyrule herself, Princess Zelda. Sapphire blue eyes gazed down at the sparring Hylians, her long brown hair streaked heavily with blond, an ornate golden headdress on her forehead with a single blue crystal set in the middle. Gold, ornately-designed shoulder guards were connected across her chest by a golden “necklace