Mixed Signals

[Eka 387]

Referencing my previous topic in this section, I met a really nice guy about a year ago and we started to date a couple months ago. C= Now I've hit somewhat of a new problem which I'd like some advice and perspective on.

Its been a real stressful few weeks, even over the holiday break. See, I really enjoy the company of my boyfriend: when I don't see him for awhile, I miss him loads. So my feelings for him remain as they always have been, but lately I've been critically thinking about it and I'm unsure of what he thinks of me, honestly.

I have a lot of friends who recently have boyfriends, and life seems to be going grand for them. The thing is that I see them with their boyfriends very often, and most usually put their arms around their shoulders, or stay in long hugs, or just sort of hang over them like they're looking out for them. Bottom line is, they see each other a lot and I know that they have obv. kissed each other. So they're very close.

However for me, the most I have recieved involving a sign of affection has been a hug. Actually lots of hugs: but I'm not complaining on getting hugs! They're great. Its just that, well... I see these other boyfriends having the same idea of hanging around their girlfriends and acting as if they're going to protect them (and its rather sweet to see, really :'3), and I haven't seen... any of that for me. He gives me subtle signs of attention and affection, like offering to sit on the same table together, or offering to grab a booklet for a University I was considering when we're in the Guidance Office. Basically its a lot of hugs and gentlemanly behavior.

But some days on his lunch I don't see him in my class (he has lunch while I have class, however I really barely have to do anything in this class because its a computer course xD) like today, and if he doesn't stop by during that lunch in the week, then I have no other outlet to see him other than an after-school activity. We used to have lunch together, but he couldn't get used to eating in the morning so he apologized to me, but said that he had to switch. That's perfectly understandable: I mean even I hate first lunch. xD

Anyways, at an after-school activity I wanted to try something out. We were all having a good time and seemed really close and all that, and so I thought it was a great opportunity to step outside my own little bubble and kiss him on the cheek. C= His response was natural, I thought. I mean we didn't really do much after that, but he didn't seem to object to it either lol.

So these are the mixed signals. I've asked my mom for advice and she thinks that he either is too shy, or doesn't know how to act around me. After all, we both have never been in a relationship before so its a first. Though I'm trying to go out of my way to see how he feels about me, and its all just so confusing. Others suggest I should talk to him, but how should I even approach him? I can't really ask him during my class because I'm working, and sometimes I don't even see him for a week. I'm also afraid that if I bring this up, his answer will be that he's not ready, or he doesn't like me anymore, or he just wants to be friends. I mean we're involved in a lot of things that are sort of weekly that I always go to, so I'm almost positive I'd feel that I wouldn't want to go to them because it'd be so awkward.

But I have to do something soon, and I know that. The stress is eating me alive and is interupting my school work. ;__; I just... don't like seeing other boyfriends and girlfriends doing all that stuff, and then I have a boyfriend but he just won't do any of that. ='c I want to do all that stuff, but I don't know what he wants. I don't want to make him feel awkward either: that's the last thing I'd ever want! But I mean its been around 5 or 6 months and we haven't kissed. We've held hands once, and I've given him a peck on the cheek. That is all.

So to whoever read that rather lengthy post, do you have any advice? Maybe an idea of what he's thinking if you're a guy and have been in this situation?

[Padraig! 103]

He is nervous as puppy

speak to him, 6 months without a kiss is p. strange

[Chase 390]

Basically, he doesn't know what to do, since he's never been in a relationship before. He's probably on some internet forum right now, writing about how he wants his girlfriend to kiss him.

Look, it's kinda obvious he's not going to make the first move. Which is fine, really. There's nothing wrong with the girl taking initiative. What you need to do is get him alone and explain all this to him. Do NOT say "I love you", do NOT mention sex (yet), and do NOT mention marriage. Since he's never been in a relationship before (and since you haven't either) you're both really new to this. Just talk to him. Tell him exactly how you feel, that you want him to put his arm around you, that you want him to kiss you, and that you want to spend more time together, if possible. Communication is essential in any relationship, so let him know. All else fails, just kiss him on the lips yourself, or put his arm around your shoulder for him. I don't know of any guy that will object to a girlfriend taking initiative.

[Teto 2609]

Ignore Chase, asking him to marry you is definitely the way to go <:

[Chase 390]

Ya I was taking caffeine pills when I said that sry

[Cirt 612]

rofl, Chase.

Eka, relationships need to have a good base of trust and honesty. I think the more you let it bother you, the longer you'll wait, the more flustered you'll be when you finally tell him what's going on. He probably is just really nervous. So next time when you get the chance, just ask him rather nonchalantly, "Why don't we do stuff like that?" Don't sound accusing, and don't make the question focused on him. It's important that you include yourself in it. Being honest with your feelings (despite all your fears) is probably the best thing you can do, in the short and long run.

[Shadowknight 54]

Take the initiative. He's scared about messing up and scaring you away.

Also, definitely talk to him about your concerns. He just wants you to be happy, so if you aren't, he'll want to change it.

Taking things slow, in my opinion, allows things to become more serious. Be careful not to let the relationship stagnate, but don't go crazy. There's a happy medium that can be achieved by communicating well.

[Skippy 82]

Communication is key here, you need to talk with him about your concerns about everything.

It's also probably not a bad idea to take a little initiative, it's not wrong for a girl in this day and age to initiate the first kiss or anything.

I don't really see those as mixed signals, just a very nervous guy who likes you and doesn't want to mess it up.

[Leon S. Kennedy 0]

Well...um...I...

...

...

I'm not very good with these kinds of things...

Kiss...I guess...

[Eka 387]

Thanks very much for all of the nice advice. Even from LL (mostly anyways. xD) I think I'll take your guys' advice and talk with him. I just need a chance to see him next week... gonna ponder on that one for a bit.

Today we acted natural and nice, but by the end he kind of sped across the crosswalk without giving a goodbye hug like we normally do, which kind of threw me off. Seeing each other can't be this weekend because summatives are having us both busy, however I did ask him if anything was wrong today when he took the crosswalk without saying goodbye, and he said nothing was wrong. Awkward silence kind of followed. =s I believe thats a sign for a chat.

Over the phone I planned on mentioning my concerns, but we both just got caught up in our regular chat that by the time he had to go, it was already too late. -_- So sometime next week, for sure.