Saving face for a bit.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Sorry for bringing this up again, but here's my rage's swan song, hopefully.

I want to take this opportunity to express how I feel in a more calm manner. Yesterday, I took the "pussy parade"'s bait and became enraged. I figured I would be more calm in the morning, when I'm usually so out of it I don't remember most of the previous day's happenings right away.

So again, I have calmed down. That doesn't mean I view what happened as any more or less irritating, but my blood isn't boiling to the point where I feel like getting out of my chair would make me explode. It's probably the most angry I've been in a few years' time.

First of all, I would like to reiterate one thing: I love this place and its community. I've grown up here, literally and figuratively. Its community has supported me in the past few years I've been here, and I felt at ease and comfortable enough to do the things I do. Of course, I would get into arguments a lot, but I remained steadfast and hoped it would turn out well.

I hate arguing. It has never gotten me anywhere, no matter how collected I have been, or however clearly I have succeeded. I've garnered a title for debate, and I have mixed feelings about it. Most of the time, it's not because I've been attacked, but because I viewed someone else has been attacked. With YLA, I took his irrational hatred for WW as an insult to anyone who liked it, and his reasons certainly didn't help. I most oftenly debated on the side of homosexuals, because I have sexually diverse friends who I wouldn't imagine berating with such nonchalance, and it was a hot topic on the forum anyway. I have defended several users who were misunderstood, because I love those people, and I was looking at the situation from all sides and judged one to be of more importance than the other.

So when I defend myself after being demodded, no one sticks up for me. I seem to be alone until I actually say something. No one makes rage threads for me. I'm on my own because I'm expected to make a logical argument for myself. But when I do it after I'm demodded, everyone assumes I'm being immature about my status being taken away. After Kimmy and Django were demodded for petty reasons, I got pissed off and took to the streets. How is this different? I was looking for fair treatment, not respect or status.

For instance, when Kimmy was demodded for criticizing Cirt, I flipped shit, because someone getting upset for being criticized is not a reason to shift power. I flipped shit when Django was banned and deopped, because they banned him for a trivial thing rather than for serious things. Django's made me more enraged than a lot of people, but I still defended him because I know he's not completely bad and the actions taken were unfair. I constantly tell people Muffin's not a bad person, and that people are just perceiving him as hateful because someone has to be that guy, and Muffin has a different sense of humor. I even stood up for Joshizzle and went along with his claims he was really just joking, even though he called me a joke for being half English and half Filipino during an argument, and left petty comments in my threads shortly after it. I was friends with LL before a lot of people, and even though we were cool, and I told people not to take him completely seriously, after, told him to tone it down a bit.

So when I see Tappy, who wouldn't know any of this, because he only idles in the chat and forum, claiming to know that he knows what's going on, that kind of irritates me. I mean, he's made threads in the past just to tell people he hasn't left the forum because he's never present. He jumps the gun on limited information, and takes sides based on his friendships. Kimmy shouldn't have been demodded for calling Cirt out, and Cirt shouldn't have been modded in her place. But it seems Cirt is the go-to girl for when things start getting dramatic with Tappy.

What else am I supposed to think, when Tappy doesn't regularly and directly talk to anyone but AHH, Gabs, and Cirt, and immediately puts Cirt into power every time he has a problem with the mods? I haven't seen him directly talk to more than half you people. I wouldn't think he knows if Chase is a capable moderator, or if Marquis isn't. He's not around. He opped AHH in the chat room when he didn't even talk to more than a quarter of the chat, a quarter of the time. And this is only partially related, but in many regards, I find AHH similar to Tappy. One time I jokingly said in Skype chat that I suddenly didn't want to chat when I knew AHH was the room's operator. He immediately kicked me and wasn't the one who decided I should be added back.

What else am I supposed to think, when the day after I criticize Tappy for his absence and assumptions, he, AHH, and Gabs all go into a thread I made and start calling me "Vaginaqiel", taking my status away after I delete the offending posts, including my own? I wasn't in on that joke. Tappy didn't care to share. It looked exactly like a petty insult, and I'm pretty sure it was, because the first thing he said after I threatened AHH sarcastically with moderator action was that he "thought this was do whatever you want land".

What else am I supposed to think when Tappy comes back every month or so to take care of three warnings, then says the whole world is out of order and we're not getting traffic from people who don't stay no matter what we do, and then blames the people who make up the forum for it, when he hardly knows them? That he says he's tired of getting complaints from people who are getting angry because they don't know what the word "lurking" means? We aren't the ones who scare people away.

That's right. We're a really tightly knit forum. I'm astonished at it a lot. We've got people internationally traveling to visit each other. Tappy doesn't even care about that. He wasn't excited for Kimmy when Nabe was visiting her, and I doubt he knows that Padraig visited Teto in Scotland. We might seem like a an exclusive group that's hard to get into, but that's not the case at all. We have plenty of people that stick around, even if they're annoying sometimes, like YLA, GMP, and more recently, Marquis.

But take for instance, PeacexLovexBieber. That was the only person I actually organized to scare away, or at least, teach a lesson. Instead of banning her, (being unable to at the time anyway) I organized for everyone to take cheap shots at her self esteem. The only thing she did the whole time she was here was post troll threads and insult the forum's members for liking video games. On top of that, she was incredibly sexist. So I wanted to scare her away. She wasn't going to cooperate with anything we did, and didn't stay long enough to want to be attached to members, because that wasn't her goal to begin with.

That's the kind of people we troll. We never take a look at a new person without an avatar and signature and say, "Wow, what a newbie" and start trolling them and shunning them from our clique. We observe their actions and talk to them in a befitting manner. But that's what Tappy seems to think what's going on, because again, he doesn't care enough to do anything past lurk every once in awhile.

I brought this up earlier, but if we are the reason why new members don't come, then why don't people come to the forum when we have one of our many dry spells? It might be because we don't offer enough content, and some of the functionality that made our site attractive hasn't been restored. Dustin was the lifeblood in our attempts to be a great site, and when he left, Tappy complained that he couldn't fix the messes Dustin left behind because Dustin didn't give him full, complete control of the whole site. Then he did. Now our search engine is still broken, the clans still don't work, and we hardly generate any new content. Don't point the finger at the mods. There's a reason I was changed from news submitter to forum moderator. We haven't had a person with News Submitter for months, if not years, and I'm pretty sure comic maker was once an occupation, but that was so long ago.

He talks about problems, but he doesn't care to discuss them real time. Admin or moderator status isn't "idle and unresponsive" status. It's a job we have to take care of by being part of the community, and Tappy just assumes we're all dicks and talks to other people. Even after we agreed on how Skype killed our IRC channel, he didn't try to fix it. He went on using Skype. I have been in a hate-hate relationship with Skype almost ever since.

For instance, Cirt and I had a debate about weeaboos, because I informed someone that they are probably going to be hated for it some time in part of their stay on the internet. Tappy observed the argument in the appropriate channel until I started explaining why I did what I did, and when Cirt conceded, he fled the battlefield as if he wanted to keep my image as a bad person alive in his head, contributing nothing further.

And about conceding, it seems every time Tappy and I get into it, it goes in this pattern:

- Tappy jumps the gun and takes action

- Sahaqiel discusses this with Tappy

- Tappy concedes

- Sahaqiel goes to sleep, wakes up

- Sahaqiel checks Hnet

- Tappy DOES IT AGAIN

Remember Drama Week? He made a thread that said if no one contributes content within the week, they'll immediately have their status taken away. He did this after or during Kimmy and I were demodded, and kept mods who hadn't even been in the forum for a month or more, like Cat Girl and Chef Nonsense. This was right after I had explained myself the night before, deleting the appropriate threads and trying to form a truce with Tappy. He had taken away my status because he thought I was trying to scare YLA off the board, but by that time, I'd already posted the apology thread, and YLA already said he wasn't going to leave the forum. So forgive me if I think it seems like he hates me and wants to take cheap shots at me whenever I'm not around.

I can't take the time to understand Tappy, because he talks to people who aren't active in Hyrule.net as much, doesn't respond to the things I say with an informed opinion, and doesn't say anything about actual problems as they happen, instead waiting until he's fed up with everything to offer so much as his two cents. He talks about the stresses of maintaining the site, but he works behind the curtains on things he doesn't keep us updated with, and that don't bear visible fruit, if it's even there. The only thing I'll give him is that he has a job, school, and that he is probably the one who took care of the bandwidth problem?

So that's why I was so angry. You were alienating and berating me, and making opportunistic power grabs, and not supporting me when I tried to tell you what was wrong, when I support you when things actually go wrong.

Far be it for me to express my opinion honestly.

So fuck you, Gabs. You don't know me well enough to assume I'm being selfish. I don't want this to be Sahaqiel.net. I'd be forgetting all the other great users who make up this site.

Why can't a person get angry for people spamming vaginas over the whole of the site for hours or for someone being an idle admin who makes faulty attempts to show that he cares or a power shift that looks so much like Tappy just recruited people against another specific user, namely, the one who's trying to defend himself, right now, but can't, because you thought it was a joke and it got out of hand, and you want to just drop it and leave instead of facing consequences that henceforth have been enacted?

Maybe the fact that I start so much drama to the point where my skin emanates unnatural heat and I find it hard to move from the anger and continue to press the issue in clear blind rage, not caring whether my respect or pride are damaged any further, is because I actually care.

As for Tappy leaving, I don't see why he has to. If he wants to solve the problem, he should be more active.

But if he's fed up with all these imaginary trolls and how completely low maintenance participating in the forum is, then I guess he can leave.

That's it from me. I'm not trying to solve the problem ("pick fights") anymore, because it seems like everyone's all good.

I was just getting some stuff out in the open more clearly.

Sahaqiel

[Fortissimo 2]

What else am I supposed to think, when Tappy doesn't regularly and directly talk to anyone but AHH, Gabs, and Cirt, and immediately puts Cirt into power every time he has a problem with the mods?

In all honesty, I could never find the words. But this fits it perfectly, so seconding this.

[Kaffles 17]

holy puppy all those links

I don't have much to say though

other than, I was here. Already expressed that I thought everyone else was being ridiculous.

and wasn't going to waste my time or effort to argue with idiots. Had I been on earlier when more of the vaginaing was going on, I probably would have voiced more scorn, but yeah. Patience is thin.

[Grandmaster Phoenix 26]

I also noticed this. Every time there is an issue with members, or even the slightest bit of drama occuring, Saha gets blamed. This needs to stop.

[Chase 390]

If it helps, Saha, I don't think you were in the wrong. We could have been a bit more understanding of Tappy's viewpoint, but the immaturity he showed after not getting sympathy was what ultimately led to his downfall. I think Kimmy will be a good Admin, assuming we all stay level-headed. She's a lot more active than Tappy, so we'll see how this plays out.

[Fierce Muffin 490]

So puppy you, Gabs.

Yes.

Also, I really don't even understand how this all came from you disagreeing with Tappy. Like, I thought it would be something that would just get resolved in that thread.

Goodness.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Gratuitous links in both this and the scribe thread.

[pheonix561 2080]

So when I defend myself after being demodded, no one sticks up for me. I seem to be alone until I actually say something. No one makes rage threads for me.

man its like you didn't even pay attention to anything I said on this topic. Its too bad someone locked the Read thread, because I was going to destroy Marquis so hard. I didn't make a rage thread myself because there were plenty to choose from.

[Kimmy 0]

Guys this is never going to be a problem again because I am in charge of the mod list.

Chill.

[pheonix561 2080]

>Kimmy

>In charge

>A woman

>In charge

[Cirt 612]

I am really tired of this and I am kind of really less than a fingernail away from saying "puppy it" to everything and leaving. Call me a coward, call me a bitch, call me butthurt, I don't care.

I am so worn out by this and so completely exhausted of it. This might be the internet, but we interaction we have is real, and it is starting to kill me and it hurts a lot when you guys post "one last hit" threads like this. Sahaqiel, you are notorious of this. "The battle is over but I'm going to put out one last piece of bitterness" shit. This place is dysfunctional, and hell, I don't even blame Ghost Princess for considering leaving because we look like a madhouse.

I am just so tired. So, so tired of this.

[Ammonsa 308]

Saha about your points that Tappy only appointed Cirt a mod because he likes her and stuff, thats untrue. I suggested Cirt and Clark to him and he took the advice.

[Shadowknight 54]

Sahaqiel, you'rewell respected around here. So is Tappy. Neither of you is without blame, but in the grand scheme, it won't really change our opinions.

I do think you've been one of the most helpful mods on this site. I mean, you take care of stuff. But the wane thing that makes you a good mod leads to the "one last bitter, angry word" thing, which is not good.

Why can't the drama just end, and we go back to loving each other?

[Teto 2609]

I didn't know you got demodded

Also

"and I doubt he knows that Padraig visited Teto in Scotland"

Well, Padraig visited me (in 2008), and then made me join Hyrule. But if you mean last summer, I visited him. And then he and his parents came back up to Scotland on the plane.

I've known Padraig like as long as I can remember. His whole life at least. I mean, his parents are my godparents. GODparents.

Tappy is okay.

I know for a fact Padraig doesn't like him at all though.

[Kimmy 0]

Sahaqiel, you are notorious of this. "The battle is over but I'm going to put out one last piece of bitterness" shit.

^

Really kiddo, man up. You do this a lot and it just makes people more mad.

Padraig x Teto is my OTP.