I'm just really stressed out right now.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

Can we just talk about stuff like always here

[Necropolis 763]

Sure. Whats happening?

[Sahaqiel 1232]

I'm just sitting here in a library not studying or doing anything.

[Teto 2609]

"Talk like always"? As in about anything and everything or about your current situation?

[Sahaqiel 1232]

How was your day, Teto?

[Teto 2609]

I'm leaving my course and hoping to transfer onto another course, so today I was talking to a counsellor to discuss it a little before going ahead and planning some sort of transfer. I sent out a couple emails to tutors on both my course and the Psychology course. I also talked to someone about how this will effect my funding. After that I went home and fell asleep from 1 to 5.

 

My sleeping pattern's taken a hit a little bit recently, since my flatmate with her mood and personality disorders has been feeling especially depressed and suicidal lately. She's not a total downer though, so it's okay. She manages to be upbeat and like things, but she gets lonely and self hating. So I stayed up on Saturday night with her to hang out, and ended up staying up til 7am, then woke up at 10am, went to bed at 7pm on Sunday, woke up at 10pm, and then stayed up through the day on Monday to sort stuff out, then fell asleep at 1pm, and woke up at 5pm. And now I'm here after having spent some time lazing around.

 

Now I'm watching 30 Rock.

When it comes to my flatmate, I actually find her annoying a lot of the time. I try to rationalise why I dislike it when she does things, and why I don't mind it when other people do. But when it comes down to it, I think I just find her annoying. But I can't ever let on about that. She's opened up to me a lot and if she knew how I really felt, it would probably go really really badly. I can imagine that if that happened, in years to come she would site her relationship with me as one of the larger disasters of her young life. I went with the flow and moved in with her because it made sense since we got on well and shared standards of living when we hung out last year. But now it's the part where I'm really one of her closest friends, and the only person she has nearby at any given time.

 

I know how people feel about their friends. Friends you can't contact are the ones you worry endlessly about when they're feeling sad. Her boyfriend and her close friends aren't nearby. They can't come to her aid when she's in a bad way. I figure that I can't ever let her know how I feel for her own sake, and for the sake of the people who hold her dear to them. I don't want my short-sightedness to be the cause of distress for her and for the people who love her. I feel I need to be there for her when her friends can't be, for their sake as well as hers.

 

I'm not going to be all "I have to prioritise my own happiness as well!" when if I was to be honest I could cause so much distress and unhappiness. So I'm powering through this situation. There's no nice solution. 

 

But all said and done, it's not a difficult task. I just have a lot of thoughts about it.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

I've never even heard of 30 Rock. So did your friend feel better from hanging out? Is there any particular reason for her recent spike in turmoil?

How do you feel about all of this?

[Teto 2609]

I think it's just altogether the fact she had been so much happier over the christmas holidays, seeing her boyfriend and family, that coming back to here to get back to doing work probably brought her down, and drama involving a Minecraft server, and the fact she's been more bothered by neighbor noise recently.

 

I guess I'm just disappointed that my kind of passive nature lead to this situation, like falling into a hole. The hole being the fact that she considers me a close friend, and I don't feel the same way, although she thinks I do. But I'm not very very wound up by her usually, or stressed out about the situation. I'm just trying to face it and understand the possible effects of my actions here. If I'm in an irritable mood, I'll stay away from her so that she doesn't elevate it, but I'm not very distressed in general (a pro of my passive nature).

 

So while it's a bit of a sad situation, I'm just understanding it, and I can handle it plenty well.

[PrimaGaga 1025]

you've never heard of 30 Rock?

Have you been living under 30 rocks???

[なべ 184]

30 Rock is pretty funny, although I don't know if it's your cup of tea, Socky.

 

In the interest of conversation, I sent you a package today. Was going to be a surprise but I figured you might appreciate knowing now.

[pheonix561 2080]

30 Rock is a show I used to watch a lot in highschool, back in it's second season. I was really into the Office, too. Tina Fey was cute then and is still also cute.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

I remember that you were really into The Office. You kept saying I should see it but I never got around to it, mostly because I never spent any time on television. We would watch Trigun or Baccano! or something and I just never watched the stuff you wanted to, but it might have been easier if you sat me down for it. I honestly have never heard of 30 Rock though.

[Necropolis 763]

Its kinda been a while since the last post, but are you feeling any better?

[Sahaqiel 1232]

It's not just one or two things stressing me out, it's probably a lot of things. But the worst of it is gone now.

[PrimaGaga 1025]

30 Rock is one of those shows that you can marathon but then once you are caught up you kinda don't wanna watch anymore. It's like Scrubs but still a lot better.