Things you NEVER want to hear your doctor say!

[Jo-Bengt 0]

Doc: Mr. Bengt, it looks like you won't be a father.

[Fierce Muffin 490]

Oh, and did I mention I'm not a doctor?

[Aethix 129]

You've never used these before, I don't think you're going to miss 'em.

[Vio Milanor 28]

Oh, I know one thing that you'd never want to hear you doctor say... (Unless you're actually hoping for him to) So really, what was the point of it all?

Doctor: You're dead.

My Doctor's amazing though, it's a shame to replace him. :C He was so amazing, WE love you Daviiiiiid~

Edited 4 Jul 2009 by Vio Milanor (see edit history)

[Link Player 0]

Doctor: Ok The sex-change was a success.

Patient: What? I came to get my tooth crowned.

Doctor: Huh? ... Oh. Right.

"Thank you for donating your body to the science institution."

[Otis McNutt 395]

Doctor: You died

Patient: I died?

Doctor: Yes

Patient: For how long?

Doctor: *looks at chart* Ten minutes

Patient: I died for ten minutes and you didn't tell me?

Doctor: Everybody dies

Patient: Yes but usually once and at the end of their lives!

[Hedawn Omni 1]

Ok kiddo time to remove your doinker said the doctor

EXCUSE ME i came here for a physical said the patient.

Edited 4 Jul 2009 by The White Rose (see edit history)

[Eight-bit link 3]

*True story*

So one day, a loong time ago, I was on my rocking horse. It was cold in the room, so I moved over to the vent. I was rocking, and I don't know what happened next, but I was dizzy. I stood up and walked away. Later, I was feeling fine, and my head itched. I put on my head to scratch it, and I found out that it was wet. I look at my hand. Blood! I quickly wipe it off, and say to my dad, "My head feels wet." My dad goes "Wet?" He put his hand on my head, looks at it and almost immediately goes "What did you do?!" I said, "I fell off my rocking horse a while ago..." Dad was already at the phone. He had called the hospital, and a little bit later we were there. After a quick examination, the doc goes, "Looks like a cut. I'll have to give a closer examination." A little bit later the doc comes back and I don't remember much but it all comes down to "You didn't get a cut, you cracked your skull!"

Fortunately, as I learned later, your skull when you are young is like the earth and tectonic plates, so cracks are like nothing.

[Arcane 12]

"So, I don't suppose I'm in your will?"

[Duke Abercrombie 0]

I'll do this in a count to 3. ...3!

possibly.

Sorry I can't think.

Edited 6 Jul 2009 by DukeTwilight (see edit history)

[real link 0]

doctor: congradulations its a boy

patient: i came here for a tonsillectomy!!!

doctor: and what a wonderful tonsil it is

[Teto 2609]

Obligatory doctor joke:

A guy goes to the doctor for a check up. The doctor comes up to him and says "Sir, I'm sorry but... You've got to stop masturbating."

The man is in shock, naturally, and goes "But. But. My life is over if I can't! Why is this happening to me?! Doctor, why?"

"I've got to examine you."

Yeah, that would have been better had I told the joke in person.

[Luneth Uchiha 72]

Obligatory doctor joke:

A guy goes to the doctor for a check up. The doctor comes up to him and says "Sir, I'm sorry but... You've got to stop masturbating."

The man is in shock, naturally, and goes "But. But. My life is over if I can't! Why is this happening to me?! Doctor, why?"

"I've got to examine you."

Yeah, that would have been better had I told the joke in person.

omg that made me lol so hard. I can't stop.

[triforce_dude 0]

-in the middle of open heart treatment-

doctor-uh-oh

nurse-what is the matter?

doctor-my ring just fell of my finger

doctor-hey! you, kid! Yeah you! Give my those tweezers!

[Teto 2609]

-in the middle of open heart treatment-

The fact you can hear anything at all during an open heart treatment is bad enough. D: