Nice Guys

[Skippy 82]

I remember that not long ago, some of us got into a "nice guys finish last" conversation on a thread, here is an expansion on what I was trying to say in that thread, it's what worked for me, I hope it will help you all out as well.

Oftentimes, when a man sees yet another bombshell on the arm of a dude who from all appearances is a complete d-bag, he is compelled to shake his fist at the sky and wonder if there is any justice in the world.

[DorkLink 0]

dude, this should be stickied. or laminated. or whatever we can do to make sure everyone sees this.

I knew it; I've been going about this whole "trying to find that special someone" bit horribly wrong. Thanks Skippy!

[True Gamer 19]

That post had very good points, Skippy. There's one guy that knows what women want.

[Skippy 82]

Just trying to help.

But it should also be mentioned, that every girl is different and will like different things, this is an outline, always remember to be yourself, and don't do something you normally wouldn't. You should never have to change who you are as a person to get a girl.

[Aethix 129]

That is rather insightful.

[Skippy 82]

And now for....How to give flowers like a real gentleman

Women often complain that the men in their lives are not romantic enough. But men sometimes have trouble expressing their feelings, often resorting to cheesy Hallmark cards or pricey bejeweled baubles to do the job for them. But there is a far better way to be romantic and it doesn

[Teto 2609]

Hmmm. If nice guys finish last... Do I get a medal? I've never won in my life.

You get it? It's not a very good joke anyway. I just wanted to do it right. Damn.

[DorkLink 0]

If that statement is true, then my wall should be LITTERED with gold medals... maybe even a couple trophies for good measure

[Gingerlink 2]

I'm insecure and I know it, problem solved.

No wait...

Most failings in this sector for me so far are mostly down to lack of availability and effort...(to get a girlfriend in the first place, if I had one, holding onto her would be another matter entirely)

[Teto 2609]

I would be disqualified.

'No professionals'

[Shadowknight 54]

My issue in this matter isn't so much my personality as it is my courage, and the latter has been boosted greatly in recent times. I have always been a "nice guy", but girls seemed to respect that. The problem was, I didn't talk. My Tae Kwon Do mentality of modesty and patience caused me to be a calm, kind, respectful, somewhat introverted person. People didn't notice me.

I figured this out on my own. Your advice does work, and confidence and courage is key. Being a "nice guy" isn't always a bad thing, though. A lot of girls like a guy that will respect them and show them kindness.

I'm rambling now, so I'll stop. That was my two cents on the subject. By the way, the starving artist thing works too. People are fascinated by art, and even more so by the persn who created it.

[Skippy 82]

^ really that's thw qhole point, I'm not saying not to be a nice guy, I'm just saying, be a bit more out there. Come into yourself and women will notice. That's the short of it.

[ZuZu 10]

Very good skip, motivational post and some very good points.. and I completley agree, although you have expressed it better than I could. In a nutshell I find that women like confidence, no matter what you are confident in (yourself, your job, your hobby.. whatever). Dont show lack of confidence (ie weakness) like second guessing yourself or asking questions like 'why are you with me? there are alot better guys out there' all the time.

hopefully this will answer some questions to those people who have posted threads like 'Why doesn't she like me?'

for those who are insecure, do what you can to make yourself not so insecure... as it will get you no where in life. It honestly will never help you. And I know its easy to say and hard to do, and Its impossible to expect change over night but keep it in mind and do what you can to change it, and soon you will be better off for it.

[Gingerlink 2]

I havn't seen many posts saying that, just ones that are people moaning about a lack of courage to invite one particular person out or not...

I've got a bigger problem in that there's several I could socialise with and get to know, but it's probabbly only possible for me to get to know a couple really well and that's taken accross the spectrum of those in my college and those doing the same lectures as me (seriously, there is a very strangely high number of girls doing computer science. It's not even stereotyping that only one or two would do it per year, but there's about 10 (out of about 70) and then another 10 who do 25% computer science (so are at half the lectures))

sorry, trailed off...

P.S. O yeah, I went to an all boys school, so this is a new situation for me. Just wanted to point that out.

[Skippy 82]

Well, what I would ay to you, Ginger, is that right now it seems that you have no one person in particular in mind. So I would start to socialize with all the people you can, get yourself out there. A good girl will notice a confident guy who knows what he is doing, and will quite probably be drawn to you. If you can make yourself known girls will introduce themselves. The only thing is don't be an arrpgant asshole, there is a fine line between that and being confident, toe it, don't cross it. Be helpful, something to do to meet some people and get to know them, not only the girls, is start a study group for a class. If computer programming has some low grades, make a little flyer to hand out to the class stateing that you'll be hosting a study group and all that want to attend may do so. It shows confidence for the girls and you'll probably make some friends onthe way.

As for the girls in computer science, non-stereotypical girls are fun, honestly.

And for goig to an all guys school. It's not a big deal, there is no difference in meeting girls than meeting guys, there is st really a social stigma there. Walk up and introduce yourself, be confident, make friends, when you think you're ready, ask them out. That is the hard part. But it doesn't need to be, the worst she can do is say no, than you say okay and continue on with life. If she says yes, relax. In the words of hitch, she already agreed to go out with you, the hard part is over. Now it's letting her get to know you. The key here is to show her who you are through action instead of bragging. Be there to pick her up on time, dressed for the occasion. Maybe bring a small bouquet. ALways, I cannot stress this enough, ALWAYS walk up to her door, if she lives at home, introduce yourself to the parents, walk her out, open her car dorr, and close it. It leaves a good first impression an d allows you to gauge if she like that kind of gesture.

Throughout the date, get doors, pull out her chair, so on. Also, this is the time to impress guys, pay for her meal, movie, whatever. And at the end of the night, get out of the car, walk her to the door, say goodnight. If you feel it went well, maybe you can go for a kiss, but if anything feels off about it, don't oush it. It's better to wait till the second date than to screw it up on the first.

wow, that was a lot longer than i thought it would be....