College Woes

[Cirt 612]

I just dumped my only boyfriend in college. he's the only kid i've ever broken up with, and it was completely justified and he wasn't even mad. i'm so heartbroken that it couldn't be different.

 

i feel like shit

[Sayubie 405]

I just dumped my only boyfriend in college. he's the only kid i've ever broken up with, and it was completely justified and he wasn't even mad. i'm so heartbroken that it couldn't be different.

 

i feel like shit

You will feel like shit but it couldn't be different and you understand that.

So then you can start healing and getting better.

But it's okay to feel down and you should make it a point to treat yourself to something.

 

Feel better, Cirt :C

WE LOVE YOU :U

[Sahaqiel 1232]

D: what happened cirtsy

[Cirt 612]

nothing specific happened. it wasn't one individual event, it was something that happened over time.

 

I might as well write out the whole story

 

Cole and I started dating in December of 2011. it seems so long ago now, and it was seriously a different time back then. we were really great for each other, I'm not kidding when I say we were two peas of the same pod. I think we still are, but there's some other things that happened that kind of made me look out for myself. so I'll explain

 

he was a chemistry major when I met him my freshman year (2010). our second semester (spring 2011), he was accused of cheating in his latin class. he honestly and truly did not cheat, but because there was not enough evidence, he was forced to take a failing grade for the class. that hurt his grades a lot, and he wasn't doing great as it was. he's a really smart kid when it comes to science and math, and the school equation just never worked for him. I think a lot of you can relate.

 

the next semester he became a part time student and worked a part time job. he did okay. he took the first ochem class, and did alright. he breezed too much, and then he was ill prepared for the next ochem. he did not do well the next semester, he failed that class. he was put on academic probation for the next semester, and then he failed that again.

 

so by this time, it's fall of 2012. I knew nothing of this, I knew he was part time but I thought it was because of the latin thing. looking back, if I'd knew he wasn't doing well, I wouldn't have been a distraction for him. oh yeah, that's the other thing. he played too many videogames. league of legends particularly. he didn't know how to limit his time with them. and it was something he enjoyed and could figure out easily, so who was to tell him no right?

 

spring of 2013. start of my junior year, so things are getting going for me in school. I ask him about him classes, what he's taking, etc. then the lies started. he lied to me about going to class for about two weeks until i figured it out. we also went to his aunt's wedding, and I was talking to his granddad when his granddad mentions to me that maybe I could help out with school. I was confused and didn't know what he was talking about. eventually, I put two and two together. that was the first time he hurt me. he revealed that he wasn't in school, that he messed up and didn't know what to do. he kept it a secret from everyone. so I tried my best to help him, I tried to get him ready for the fall when he could go back to school again. I thought he had it figured out.

 

keep in mind that this whole time, I was really happy with him. this was our first real problem, and I thought it was something that would get better with time. cole treated me really well and honestly loved me a lot. I knew he did. that's what makes this so much more heartbreaking.

 

come this fall, and as far as I know, he's got it all set up with the community college. he has to commute, and then I noticed that it was really...inconsistent again. well, turns out this time, he was actually going to these classes, but just sitting in on them. I blow up on him, nearly break up with him for lying to me again. he doesn't even try to fend for himself. he's helpless and doesn't know how to get back into the game. we talk about it, and we try to make some changes. this was the beginning of august.

 

the last 9, 10 months or so, I'd kind of brushed off my social life to be with him. in effect, I lost most of my friends that I'd made over the years. this semester I'm in an intensive program for my student teaching, so I'm constantly running around going from elementary school to high school and writing lesson plans and preparing. I don't have much of a life outside of school now, not even for doing triathlons or going to practice. I became depressed. my free time was spent with cole, and while I didn't mind it, it was becoming exhausting and burdening. I felt lonely. and last night, I got tired of feeling lonely and I remembered what it used to be like two years ago. I broke down harder than I had in months.

 

part of me wonders if I ended it too early. I don't know if I was ready to make that jump yet. I wondered if I'd gave him enough time, even though I'd given him ultimatums about it for weeks and nothing changed.

 

he wasn't even angry when I went to his house yesterday. he just took it and told me that even he agreed with me. I almost wished he'd had something to say, so I could feel better about walking away. I had to stick up for myself, and it didn't feel good. it felt like we both lost last night.

[Eka 387]

Cirt... ;_; *gives you a big hug* That really was the right decision. He's a right dink for doing that to you, and reacting in that way.

[LLmao ?✊? 1276]

I think it was mature on both ends. When there's no getting mad/sad on the other person's end, it's harder to handle. There's not as much feedback

[Chase 390]

I totally think you're in the right here Cirt.

that said, I understand and empathize with Cole because I was/still am in a similar situation. It's a hard hole to crawl out of. And you feel like everyone is constantly disappointed with you.

[Cirt 612]

thanks for the responses and kind words, everyone. I'm doing alright now - well, I've been so busy so I don't really have a choice but to keep pushing right? so that's been nice. we do talk still but we are on a strictly amicable relationship, no talking like when we were a couple, no seeing each other, nothing. it's been a simple way to just see how the other's doing without being a complete wreck. so we are basically on a break for the moment.

[Skippy 82]

Cirt, it sounds like you did the right thing there.

 

I'll tell you when my ex and I broke up, I went into a pretty bad place, and did exactly what he did, I failed some classes, got kicked out for a semester and didn't go back, I lied to my family and current GF about being in school.  It wasn't until mny GF confronted me about everything that I got my shit back together and got back to work.  Sometimes we just need that kick in the ass to get things done, it's good of you to be amiable during all this, you sure didn't have to be.

 

Just sort out your own things, focus on you for a while. and things work out, believe me, I've been there.

[Cirt 612]

Thanks Skippy. That was really nice to read and it was encouraging :> I'm sure it will work out if it's meant to be. 

[Shadowknight 54]

As it turns out, I have taken on entirely too many responsibilities this semester, and there are only two hours of work that can be freed up without hurting my life in general. I'm a full-time student taking 16 hours, working 22 hours a week (because I need the money), leading a small group, leading worship, and sitting on four separate boards at church (all to build my resume, as I want to intern there next year). I can cut my work back to 20 hours a week without taking too much of a hit, but that's about all I can manage.

 

Needless to say, when I have tests and papers to add to that mix, things get ugly.

[Chimetals 344]

so for japanese literature class, were having this ancient japanese poetry showdown thing. thing is, when the japanese had these showdowns, they had these super clever statue things to put their poems in as they read them. of course, we need these things too. after opening my big trap to go "im artistic!" i discovered that one girl in my group had no idea what "doable" things are, as she immediately started bombarding me with ideas, like, "we can make a turtle shell where each section has a poem!". we have to have 20 poems written and tucked away in these things. i had been talking about crafting something out of cardboard. i dont have nearly enough time to make crap that insane.

 

the next class, she bombarded me with more suggestions, again ranging from "you know how gravity works, right?" to "how much time do you think i have?" to "wow that just turned really simple really fast." when i mentioned that i had no paint whatsoever at my apartment, she wound up volunteering for painting and assembly. she then quickly assigned sets of five to various people to make--five origami cranes, five clouds ($5 says the cranes and clouds are close in size), and then five trees to me. hell if i know why five.

 

but this is how i find myself up at 11, dying cottonballs red pink with "strawberry lime" soda, as there was no food coloring at the local supermarket, then baking said cottonballs, and then stretching their sticky existance all over some cardboard tree frames i had cut out. all for trees that were supposed to look like maples in the fall (our theme is fall), but actually look a helluva lot like sakura trees, which are associated with spring in like every japanese thing and poem ever.

 

either idea girl is gonna have to paint these suckers, or maybe get some colored paper on them, idk, or else we are gonna have to BS a loooooot of crap about "no, theyre totally maples, see, theyre red."

 

and im still ignoring my real homework, yet another bioengineering assignment from this teacher that always leaves me stumped for a nasty amount of time before i finally find that the answer was hidden in figure 5.7.33 in the textbook, and not in the text, etc. its a class that is chock full with formulas that we dont need to use for anything, and the professor likes to show us the derivation of these formulas on the board all the time. im not really fond of these sorts of "this is just like a math class" classes.

[Eka 387]

D: *pats Chimetals* You trooper.

 

Tomorrow I've got a midterm that I didn't really study for because for the longest time i couldn't find the percentage it was worth on the syllabus and that was demotivating for whatever reason.

Yesterday I realized it was 10%. So now I'm even less motivated to even touch it. Hmmmmnnrrggg.

[Cirt 612]

if anyone knows why my roommates are like 200% colder to me please let me know

i know i've been a hermit this semester but christ

 

like you could at least say sorry for keeping your alarm on all night instead of trying to give me a bullshit excuse

[Skippy 82]

And that is why I didn't have room mates after freshman year.

 

It's great to have friends to hang out with, it's better when you get to go home without them.

 

Then again, I may be slightly antisocial at times.