Thinking Teenage Intercourse is "Normal"

[Eka 387]

Well, the other day I had learned that one of my friends had almost become a father. He basically said that the pregnancy had been a miscarriage and that he was recovering from the shock of it all.

My first shocked question to him was, "But wait... aren't you 16?"

Yes he is, and has had intercourse with a few other teenage girls his age as well.

I recieved this news yesterday and I can't express my feelings enough over the question of, "WHY. THE HELL. WOULD YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THIS?!"

#1: 16 year old. FRIGGIN' 16 YEARS OLD. I'm 16 and all I think about is driving and videogames for pete's sake.

#2: No mention of, "Yeah, I had sex before." I find that much more important for someone HIS age than whether or not he's to be a father.

#3: Apparently the girl wanted to have unprotected sex. For some reason he obliged, and when was she going to tell him about the growing child inside of her?!

After much discussion about his situation, a lot of people were saying, 'Sorry about the miscarriage.' ... Am I seriously the only one who DOESN'T find teenage intercourse NORMAL?! It seemed I was the only one flipping out on the guy. I mean, Jesus, I've known him for a good 2 or 3 years. o.o

Well, it was unfortunate about the miscarriage, yes, but... GOD, just... teenage sex is WRONG. How could anyone even be remotely interested in doing it? (Ok, well I could maybe think of a few reasons.. but that would only count for, like, ONE event of sex. He's said he's had sex with others.)

My mind is blowing a fuse out of confusion right now. Have I been living under a rock or what?!

[real link 0]

it's not wrong or unusual. if anything that was just a really dumb move. if your not going to use a condom, at least make sure she's on the pill! (or going to use the morning after pill) and even then it's risky (std's) and not reliable. i admit a man is obligated to do what a woman ask's. but you need to think about the consiquences as well.

[Kimmy 0]

I lost my virginity at 16, to someone I was in a long term, stable relationship with. It was because we cared about each other, not because we solely wanted to feel good, or because we were making up from a fight, or because we felt pressured. We were both ready. Some people are ready at 16. Some people are ready at 40. Some people at 16 are ready with their boyfriend, but are not ready to have sex again with anyone else until they are good and ripe and old.

It really depends. Some people have different opinions about what is moral or what time is a time to be ready. I personally don't think that sex is moral or immoral, or right or wrong in any sense. I think sex is a privilege we all have. We all get this body and we get to feel good with it, and we get to decide who to give it away to when we are good and ready. I don't think it's a right, and I don't think we get to abuse the privilege and sleep around, or use sex as a tool or a bribe or a way to tip the power balance between two people.

I don't know if I'm making sense. I just mean that I don't think teenage sex is more normal or right than sex between people in their 40's. I think that sex is right and normal when the people are both ready and respectful and responsible, and wrong when they aren't.

However, I think that unprotected sex is wrong in any case other than planning a family. If the people aren't old enough, stable enough, or financially able enough to provide for another life, they are hurting and disrespecting the new, prospective life, and that is wrong in my opinion.

I personally am on the pill, and use condoms every time (I've broken a couple, and trust the pill more, but don't let that discourage you from using them, they are very good if used correctly). Until people are good and ready to have a family, everyone should use birth control. I think all girls should get birth control when they hit a certain age. Birth control pills are something you have to wait a week to kick in, so they are not a last minute decision like whipping out a condom. It's good to consistently be on it.

I don't know if that made sense, or if my thoughts were organized. My final thoughts on the matter are that your ideology is not /the/ ideology, and his, right or wrong, moral or immoral, and whether or not it agrees with yours, is his. You have to respect that. He is going through a horrible time in his life right now. He had a child on the way, and there was a miscarriage. Whether or not he wanted that child or not, whether he planned it, that baby is dead and gone. My mother had a miscarriage before I was adopted, and it still keeps her up at night more than 20 years later. Don't criticize your friend right now. It is not what he needs, and your insensitivity will only turn him away from your opinions. Console him and be there for him like a friend should. Don't judge.

it's not wrong or unusual. if anything that was just a really dumb move. if your not going to use a condom, at least make sure she's on the pill! (or going to use the morning after pill) and even then it's risky (std's) and not reliable. i admit a man is obligated to do what a woman ask's. but you need to think about the consiquences as well.

The morning after pill I think off the top of my head is like 66% effective if you take it right away, correctly as prescribed. It isn't a guarantee and it does a number on your system (I took it once, as a precaution). It also costs like 50 dollars a pop unless you are willing to humble yourself and get a prescription from the doctor. Your parents need to help you get the prescription if you are under 18, and I'd imagine the copay would be pricey also.

[Shadowknight 54]

You're not the only one that thinks it's wrong, I can guarantee that. However, there are a lot of people that think it's perfectly fine. I've encountered quite a few pregnant girls at my (sister) school, and two at the school I actually go to. I guess either more people abstain or are at least safer. Regardless, the biggest justification is in the fact that most people who do it are motivated by the physical pleasure, and you know how teenagers are. When it comes down to it, teenagers don't exactly have the most self-control when it comes to pleasurable things, regardless of potential consequences.

Teenagers are also known for lacking common sense, hence the failure to use protection.

Also, I don't understand the statement of men being obligated to do what women ask. When it comes to things like that, there shouldn't really be any obligation.

[Teto 2609]

A friend of mine got pregnant at 15. She left school and she's doing okay. She's definitely more mature because of it and she really cares about her daughter. Not sure how things will play out for her, but whatever. She's doing okay and I think she's probably able enough a parent.

[Eka 387]

@Kimmy: No, I understand what you're saying. I didn't see myself as being insensitive, but more like a friend who was taking on a parental figure to him. Besides, he said that it was unfortunate that it was miscarried, but he was glad about it as well because, well, he wasn't ready to be a father. He didn't KNOW about the child, even (I think.)

I just can't fully come to terms with this, and this is only because I'm the same age as him. Its obvious that I haven't found "the one" if I want to lose my virginity to this person, and so I want to say that he was in a situation like yours Kimmy.

However, the fact that he's had sex with more than 3 other girls leads me away from that theory. ._.

I mean, you think you'd know a guy. Its just... weird. Really weird, hearing about it.

[PrimaGaga 1025]

My power went out as I was typing this. It's a little late, but I've been waiting a few hours to say it.

Although your friend made a mistake in having unprotected sex, his puppying child is dead. Don't be a bitch to him about it. HIS puppyING CHILD IS DEAD.

[Sahaqiel 1232]

I am kinda' shocked when people just go and have sex underage. It's like when I see really young people cursing excessively because they think they are ready, grown, and cool enough. I don't go out of my way to talk about it, but like, eh. Why can't you wait until legal age? Why would you go at it unprotected?

I don't quite care about people if they have sex, though admittedly, probably unintentionally, I feel a bit disappointed in people who are sexually active that are around my age, or at least, not out of high school. In IL, the age of consent is 17, but I feel like people who take advantage of it right away are a bit disappointing. It's kinda' like weed. I am a bit irritated about it, but I don't really care.

I know this girl who was pregnant last year, and we're like bestest bros. I was happy that she had a father who was willing to take some of the responsibility, and that she is so motherly and stuff. I still don't really think any differently about her.

I am probably being a bit ambiguous, here. So plainly and clearly: it does perturb me that people are so hyped about sex. However, I don't really care that people practice it, though I probably automatically assume that anyone my age that has sex is only doing it because our society glorifies it, which I frown upon.

To not sound so serious, let's take some sex advice from SapphyDracases:

Girls must make sure to take their birth control pill the right accurate way to avoid pregnancy if they don’t wish to start a family earlier than they‘re ready. You can’t always trust guys when it comes to condoms because they can poke a hole in the latex material and give you babies on purpose.

Watch out for those crafty men, ladies. We poke holes in condoms to get you pregnant.

Sahaqiel

[Kimmy 0]

A common passtime of the American male is paying child support. Those who are without children get in on the fun by poking holes in rubbers.

[Eka 387]

@Phanta: I'm not insulting the guy. He didn't even KNOW about the child anyways, much less care to be a father. The simple fact is that he had unprotected sex and wasn't ready to take on any comittments. If anything, I'd want to blame the girl.

@Saha: Oh, SapphyDracases, you. xD

[Chase 390]

Having sex at a young age has become...normal, nowadays. This is due to a number of reasons:

Societal pressure. Our society pushes and pushes sex on us almost everyday. Whether it's intentional, or unintentional, or subliminal; they push it on us all the time. Kids are bound to pick up on it eventually (especially boys, since men are usually the target audience.)

Peer pressure. Gah, I remember all the discussions in the football locker room. Everyone was always so interested in how many times they've "scored" and frowned upon anyone who was still a virgin. I guarantee this led some people to have sex young.

Hormones. Sure, everyone over the course of forever had them, but we have so much more access to pregnancy prevention, as well as much more knowledge of sex in general.

I, personally, haven't had intercourse. I've had a form of sex, oral sex, but it was once and with a girl I didn't really love. I know without a doubt that it was a combination of those three things that caused me to go through with it, but I'm being a bit more careful nowadays. It's not that I think sex is bad, or anything, I'm just tired of being taken advantage of and I don't want to take advantage of anyone else like I did with her...

Anyway, that's an explanation for why your friend had sex. It probably doesn't excuse him in your eyes, but I hope it explains it. And realize that he's had a lot of pressure on him to have sex that you might not have on you, due to gender differences. Just try to be supportive the best you can, but it's okay to let him know how you feel about it.

[Eka 387]

Having sex at a young age has become...normal, nowadays. This is due to a number of reasons.

I really have been living under a rock. :C

You make a lot of good points, though. Ack, I should talk about this more on MSN with him or something. I keep leaving forum postings for everyone to see and they've just been basically what I've been saying in here. -_-"

[Jo-Bengt 0]

It really seems like everyone around me's having sex, and like being called a virgin in high school is like being called a Jew in Nazi Germany.

So I'm one of those example guys from Chase's post who's affected by peer pressure, and I'll probably end up having sex by the end of high school or college because of it. Society has really made virginity seem like a terrible label or a wall that blocks your path or crushes down on you.

But I also have a feeling that I want to cling to my virginity, maybe even 'till marriage.

[Chase 390]

Honestly, Lee, puppy them.

No seriously, go out and puppy them.

I'm kidding. But you don't need to have sex to be whole. If you aren't ready, don't. Don't pressure a girl into it. Don't do it just because you'll be seen as cool. If you're going to do it, do it out of love. Don't let yourself get carried away by your emotions/hormones. I got carried away once. Just...it really isn't worth it, in my opinion. Don't try and make yourself more than you already are, because who you are is a damn good kid. Keep it that way. I think it's a very good omen that you aren't like everyone else in that respect.

[Kimmy 0]

Eka, I wouldn't blame the girl any more than your friend. The boy is as responsible for the girl he is possibly impregnating as the girl is for her own body.

Regardless of if he didn't plan on a child or want one, a miscarriage can be a very sensitive thing. It stirs up a lot of negative emotions no matter what the circumstances. Do you know how far along she was?