You know what I hate the most?

[Sahaqiel 1232]

The guy who really wants me to collaborate with him to make a series of comedy videos ever since going to one of my Hero of Time panels was really trying to grab that opportunity the first time I met him at that panel you went to, LL. Like immediately inviting me to his house and stuff and getting my contact info and at the time I was actually a little concerned that he might have... ~ulterior motives~ but nah he's cool. I wish he was a little more aggressive in pursuing his own endeavors though. I kind of worry about it.

 

But idk people generally take in the good and the bad in people. Everyone has flaws, and everyone acknowledges that unless you're part of a vicious darwinian social circle. If you've been with the same people for awhile they're unlikely to think terribad of you unless you really fuck up, and I have quite a bit of experience in fucking up. Like take the friend I just mentioned. I acknowledge that at times he's the most pretentious person I know, but overall I think he's a decent person. We just don't click the best and that's fine. We agree on the same things, it's just that we have a fundamental difference in how we express it. It's almost to the degree that we're foils.

 

I totally understand how you feel about uncontrollable impressions though. It's actually been really stressing me out lately, because it feels like you have no agency in how people see you despite your best efforts. Like someone may have extremely apparent double standards. ie - if you and some other person were to say the exact same thing, it would be clear that that a third person would react completely differently to it based on who said it, and sometimes you have no hope of getting the more positive reaction in the same way. I am extremely sensitive to that, and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm a hopeless human being, because it feels like those impressions are set in stone, and I feel like I can't ever connect with people because there are too many obstacles. My better judgment tells me otherwise, but I still acknowledge that it's hard to change those impressions. The phrase I keep mulling over is that people like me, sure, but it's never the right ones in the right way. I guess it's because of that that I developed the habit of treating everyone comparably, and treating them the best I can muster at least, because I never want other people to feel the way I feel all the time. 

 

I think the problem is that a lot of people can be viewed as two dimensional--those auxiliary friends that you haven't spent a lot of time with, who you know but don't really know the ins and outs of. The difference between having hung out solo with someone for awhile and knowing their family and their pets and knowing where they go on the weekends and what they like to do with other friends who you might also know. I guess the worry stems from that, that what you say will be ignored purely because, outside of your control, you are seen as an accessory, not as a human being with depth and investment in a closer camaraderie. Like if acquaintance is 1 and best friend is 5, you're worried about that impasse at around 2 where you're generally not taken as seriously or don't feel like a fun contribution to your social circle. The difference between that and 3 is like a game of chance. No matter how much you invest into it, and no matter how hard you want it, you may never get it. The only solution is to put yourself out there and find more people to connect with--their decks might stacked a bit better in your favor. Unfortunately, I've become so withdrawn that I have been treating most people like 2s, whereas in the past I felt good enough to treat people like 5s. And that's something too. People have their own problems that affect how they treat you.

[Chase 390]

It's pretty much the golden rule. The more you treat people the way you want to be treated, the more they will treat you that way.

It often seems like everyone other than me is fine. I'm the only one with problems. That may be true, but secretly I hope people have hearts like mine. They're lonely, or hurt, and they have a shield up to protect their pride/feelings. Relationships take literal work, they're difficult, because I spend most of my days chipping away at the armor everyone puts on. The only way to build true trust and love is to first be trusting and loving. Trust is a fragile thing, easy to break, but that just motivates me to try to be even more trustworthy.

I want people, when they see me, to say " I don't know him, but I trust him." I want to be the kind of person people confide and believe in. The first step, I think, is believing in other people and hoping their hearts are like mine.

[Gold Weenie 0]

WHAT I HATE THE MOST IS EDUCATED STUPID WHO HUMANS WHO DENY 4 CORNER CUBIC TRUTH TIME CUBE IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE HUMANITY AND THE ACADEMICALLY RETARDED SUPPRESS FOUR CORNER SANTA DEBUNKING CUBIC KNOWLEDGE

[pheonix561 2080]

I'm not sure I know who this is a parody account of

[Gold Weenie 0]

I CAME HERE TO SPREAD THE TRUTH OF CUBIC WISDOM THE KNOWLEDGE ABOVE GOD BUT YOU CUBE DENYING CIRCLE BELIEVERS HAVE OPPRESSED ME TO THE EXTREME LIKE YOUR ACADEMIC DECEPTION GOD

[Green Weenie 0]

WHAT I HATE THE MOST IS EDUCATED STUPID WHO HUMANS WHO DENY 4 CORNER CUBIC TRUTH TIME CUBE IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE HUMANITY AND THE ACADEMICALLY RETARDED SUPPRESS FOUR CORNER SANTA DEBUNKING CUBIC KNOWLEDGE

Vrey well sed man i couldnt hvae sed it betr meself god job i agre wholeheartedly with the above statemtn we culld all lirn somethig form u

[Knuckle 484]

So I was talking with one of my friends about relationships and I mentioned that I was still single, to which she responded that I'd hopefully "settle down" one day.

 

I'm not sure how to feel about this. The majority takes this as a reminder that being single is a state of incompleteness, or immaturity (not to say childish, but rather like I haven't finished some path of evolution into a wonderful in-a-relationship person). If I stay single any longer, it's just going to keep doing me mental and emotional harm until I'm such a crappy, selfish person that I can only exist to be a problem to everyone else. Naturally this stance also makes me cynical and condescending toward people who say they're "single and proud" or whatever, but that's a whole other can of worms.

 

But a small part of me also says I'm not ready for a relationship. To which my conscience points out I feel that way because of some emotional or mental weakness that I should be critical of. The cyclical thinking just repeats itself over and over as I try to convince myself that being  single is ok before my stronger inclination reminds me that I'm in denial and being a fool. It's kind of a mess :x

[LLmao ?✊? 1276]

I think to accept being single – an individual, is one of the best things a person can do. In my opinion, a person who is indiscriminately seeking a relationship won't be satisfied, because they don't know how to be alone with themselves. I think a healthy person should get accustomed to being single and an individual. Then, ironically, they are ready for a relationship. Just my opinion. Accept that you'll be alone and that you can stand to be alone, then when you find a partner, it'll feel like this cool bonus every single day!

Also it is my opinion that people who can be independent and happy are attractive, so it's only making you more suited to be in a relationship.

(I didn't mean YOU specifically. I hope you can be satisfied. Only you know what's best for you)

Edited 25 Apr 2015 by L.L. Bean's Menswear (see edit history)

[Knuckle 484]

I wholeheartedly agree with what you said. A person who's ok being single is healthier both mentally and physically. I don't ever want to hate myself for being single, and I want to show any potential girlfriends that I'm not in dire need of their companionship.

 

That being said, I don't want to be content with being single. I definitely don't want to be one of those people who says they don't need a relationship, because I know I do need one eventually. It's a hard line to walk I guess, but I expect to strike a healthy balance sooner or later between knowing I need a relationship and also knowing I'm not less of a person without a companion.

[Necropolis 763]

I am reticent on whether or not to post this. I’m not sure what can be gained from doing so, besides venting. But at the very least I’ll write it. I find the act of writing out your thoughts on something can often bring new clarity to it. The last week or so has been pretty tough. I’ll have to give some context to this for it to be adequately understood.

 

Context

Since I was about 14 I have lived as a guest with other people. Before then I had a pretty stable home base, always knew where I would plop down. Around when I was 14 me and my Dad moved in with his girlfriend. She was a horror to live with, and so, this was a tumultuous time. Being a lazy 15 year old, I’ll take partial blame for this, I didn’t have a job, I didn’t do chores unless I was instructed to do them, I get all that. But she was the kind of person that would be angry at you if, during a day where you had nothing to do, you did nothing. Beyond that, she had a kid with severe Behavioral disorders, and had lots of problems herself. The day I left was the day she burst in to my room and told me I was going to lay my homework on her kitchen table every day so she could make sure it was done. After that, here was a long line of people and places I lived. I lived with my Aunt, my Uncle, my Grandfather, my Grandmother, and through that experience I learned to keep a bag packed. Just in case you weren’t coming back somewhere.

 

Current situation

So that brings me to my current status quo. After living with my uncle, visiting my grandmother every weekend, I got a job, and so with the extra added income to supplement the expense of housing someone, it was feasible to move in with my dad and his new girlfriend. I live in the basement, as befits any bridge troll. Before I moved in the basement was a wreck. It was pretty unlivable. Since moving in, I have organized and categorized the storage boxes left down here, cleaned the carpets as best I could, brought in living amenities like a TV, a bed, my personal effects, and Bookshelves.  I pay on average half of what I make, +any extra money anyone asks me for, whether it be for bills, or gas money or what have you.

So, that brings me to the current problem. My Dad’s girlfriend is an incredible alcoholic. from the moment she gets home from work, around 5 or 6, to when she stumbles to bed around 11 or 12 she hammers down Gin and sprite. I have had to try to escort her to her bed, and seen her fall 3-4 times a trip. Lately, she has in her drunkeness made me and her own son, about 14 now, into scapegoats for whatever she thinks is a problem at any given time. Last night she stumbled down into the basement, woke me up, and lectured me for about 45 minutes about how I have to make a life for myself, and that I should get another job, and how i’m 22 should have my own place and work 3 part time jobs. Well, I can say for certain, if I could get 3 jobs, and found a place I could rent for 3 jobs salary, I would. But you can’t just snap your fingers and get a job in this economy. I haven’t gotten a job yet that wasn’t because I knew a guy. Most places don’t even call me in for an interview. Shit’s puppyed. So I try to explain some of these concepts, and others to her but she’s so wasted its going in one ear, out the other. I’ve gotten yelled at in the past for eating something she said I could have because she forgot she said it. Theres no point in attempting communication. I have about a 2 hour window from when she gets home to when she is unapproachable drunk. She comes downstairs tonight after a shouting match with my dad to tell me I need to think about somewhere else to live. I text my dad that, and texts back that she’ll forget by morning. I got the god damned sword of Damocles hanging over my head and all I can do is wait for it to fall.

[Knuckle 484]

Goodness, Necro I had no idea you were dealing with stuff like this at all. Really man, there's absolutely nothing wrong with venting that stuff, we're all here for you and want to give encouragement to you in any way we can. 

 

Definitely talk about this any time you want to, dealing with unstable people in your household can be extremely draining.

[pheonix561 2080]

Yeah man, I didn't realize you were in such an unstable household. I definitely know your frustration about not being able to find jobs that weren't "from a friend." I think the only position I've ever worked in that I got from just applying was my student job as a telemarketer.

 

That said, I'm gonna apply to an old job I had a few years ago as a busboy for a saint louis catering company called "Patty Long Catering" if this internship thing doesn't work out for me. I haven't applied yet because I need to see if I have the internship first, but either way, I got this job because my family is friends with the owner. Would you be interested in working for them, too? It's ten dollars an hour, but only like 10/15 hours a week. It's the kind of job people pick up on the side so they can have a little extra money. You'd be bussing tables at weddings and social events all over STL. The hours are inherently erratic because sometimes people want a wedding reception at 10AM and sometimes they want it at 10PM, but you'd be all over STL. I remember doing one reception at Forest Park near the art museum, and one was actually inside the Science Center's Observatory. The last job I ever did was at the penthouse on top of the Laclede's gas building. And you get to eat the really delicious leftover food that the guests don't eat, which is always delicious. So it has pretty good employee benefits as far as being a busboy goes. Like I said, I still don't know if I'd be working there again, and I can't just "get you" this job, but I can certainly put in a good word for you.

[Necropolis 763]

I'm not sure I would be able to get to saint Louis at those kind of erratic times. The other part of the job situation is that the job I have is on random nights, and its easy, and I'm getting a raise soon. I don't want to lose a job to get a job, so Ideally I would work mornings for any 2nd job I'm doing

[Skippy 82]

Which side of the river are you one necropolis?

[Necropolis 763]

Illinois